AIBU To put my health first?

[OneMoreTryOMT]

I previously posted on chat with not much response. I'm having some issues with my BF of a year. Mainly his mood and feeling like he's playing mind games. For a few days he'll be happy and joking around and then then like the last few days he's been really quiet and miserable.

I've asked him several times what's wrong and if he's okay, as I feel like it's me. He just keeps saying nothing is wrong.

I feel like he has no life aside from me and bases all of his reliance on me to be happy? He doesn't see friends or do things in the evening.

I'm a very positive and driven person with a lot of passion for the things I do such as my job, my love of books and learning etc. I mentioned to him earlier that i feel he has no life and that he seems to just be existing. I can't see how this can make him happy. I've mentioned this to him several times before and he's now agreeing that he feels numb sometimes but doesn't know why.

I feel it's starting to bring me down. For example, I get one child free night per week but due to ongoing health problems I've looked into an exercise class which falls on this evening. When I mentioned it, his first response was about our time? He knows how much pain I've been in and I'm trying to help myself without relying on medication.

I feel like he sulks sometimes or it's mind games? I gift opportunity for him to talk and he always says nothings wrong, then come 8pm when trying to relax it finally surfaces what is wrong.

I really want to know if he can be helped or if I'm just fighting a losing battle. I'm feeling like his therapist! Please help

Relationships not chat!!

Well it sounds like he's depressed. I feel sorry for him if so and it can be difficult on a partner too. Would he consider joining the class too (or going to the gym while you attend the class?).

OP, you do sound very unsuited. What does he bring to your life?

The sulking alone would make me run. It’s silent treatment and abusive. Please see thread below for what awaits you if you stay with a sulker:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3794562-to-not-tolerate-being-cold-shouldered?msgid=93108307#93108307

And please do go to excercise class!

He sounds depressed to me too. You can't help him OP, he has to want to get better himself and seek help from his GP.

Go to your exercise class! Your health is important.

I mentioned depression to him last night but he doesn't agree. I have pointed out depression isn't just feeling sad. He said he doesn't want medication as it will make him feel more numb. He's already been to CBT but hasn't made much difference.

Sack him off. Life's too short.

The right medication will not make him feel more numb.

Encourage him to go to the GP and try to support him. You need to make it clear that he needs to try to help himself and you can support him but can't do it for him.

If he won't then you may be left with no choice but to leave.

And make sure you are looking after yourself in the meantime.

I'm sent him some links and asked him to see the GP to see what they say. I do agree it can seem abusive. It's just a huge dilemma for me.

Anyone else got any advise please?

Did you read the thread I linked to silent treatment, OP? Just wondered if it resonated with you.

@Highonpotandused I've read it and although he's like that it can be over nothing. We could have had a perfect evening before and then the next day he will just wake up like that. I agree with the trying to jolly out of it, it's hard work and damaging to self esteem.
He wants to talk about the relationship endlessly and analyse every thing going on. It's like that's all he knows and wants to talk about.

Could you not suggest some things to him for him to do? Does he have a job? Is there any clubs he could join and partake in? (That isn’t the excerise club you want to join.) him getting out the house without you there, will help him relieze there’s more to life and will help with his depression. (He sounds very depressed.)

Yes I've tried so many times. When we first met he had some aspirations about starting new things and it never materialised. I've reminded him of these but he does nothing about it. I encourage him to see his friends. I encourage him to spend time at his own place so he can have time to do things he wants but he just ends up sitting in his house doing nothing. It took 3 months of me badgering him to clean mouldy food out of his fridge. I did it for him before but I can't keep doing it.

He has a good job and owns his own house like me but he seems to have lost all pride.

He's called the doctors this morning and is hoping to see someone but he commented last night that his boss would be disappointed if he had to take medication? I've reminded him it's nothing to do with his boss if he takes medication if the GP suggests this.

So he saw the GP on Thursday and has been prescribed medication. The GP very much agreed about him being depressed. Things have been a bit odd since though. He's barely eating and rapidly losing weight. He's being OTT with me which is creeping me out a bit.
Still not sure where to go from here!