How would you feel..

[levelone]

Close friend of 25 years, god mother to my children (and vice versa), bridesmaid at each other's wedding, blah blah blah (you get it, close friend) posts pregnancy announcement on Facebook and I find out the same time as her acquaintances!!!!!
Would you be hurt by this?

I'm in 2 minds, rational and personal:
When was the last time you spoke to eachother? If you haven't actually spoken all that recently, no, because the opportunity to tell you hasn't arisen, or her and her oh had made the decision to do a fell swoop announcement rather than tell individuals.

However, personally, I think I'd be a bit hurt if I was in your shoes.

I forgot to add we work together too! So she's had countless opportunities to tell me.
Thanks for commenting.

I would be if we had been speaking in that time. But also maybe she's gone through miscarriages and doesn't like talking about it?

I'd hope given the fact I had five miscarriages and she supported me through those, she would come to me.
I won't see her this week as we are working at different locations, so I'm drafting a message to ask her where our friendship has gone wrong to result in this. It's really not my style to do it by message, but I'm so hurt by this.

Yes, in the circumstances you’ve described that would really upset me.

Bloody hell - don’t make this about you. ‘Drafting messages’ ffs! If you’re that close a friend you wouldn’t spoil this time for her. She may have very good reasons for the way she has done this. Be happy for her 🙄

Maybe she thought you would be upset so did it from a distance

I would feel like she overshares on Facebook.

Don't send that message. Don't ruin that friendship. She's thrilled and excited and not thinking straight.

Just give her a huge hug and a little shake when you see her and say"Why didn't you TELL me?!"

Not at all.

You are making this all about you, unfortunately. Send that message and I fear your friendship will be over.

I’d think it was strange but I wouldn’t be upset.

I agree it is not about you.

She may have told everyone at the same time and done it this way to ensure that.

Honestly, I think you're being a little short sighted.
My current pregnancy we did not tell anyone, not even our parents until much later on.
I've had several miscarriages and in spite of the great help and support close friends and family offered through my last two, I didn't want to have to go through the circus of having to let people know we'd had yet another miscarriage.
Thankfully (fingers crossed) we're okay for now and told everyone at virtually the same time.

It's obvious this has hurt you, but perhaps rather than drafting something to ask "where your friendship has gone wrong", you simply ask her if she was keeping announcing to close friends back for a reason?
If your as good friends as you say she won't mind a forthright question.
As you've also had five miscarriages you would surely know the anxiety of those early weeks and people are not always thinking very far past their own immediate situation at times like that.

Yes you're hurt but perhaps just take a step back to consider how you approach it.

I agree, DON'T draft a message to send!!!
As others said, maybe due to your previous losses (Sorry BTW), she didn't feel comfortable telling you in person and didn't want to shove the whole 'I'm up the duff' in your face? 'Maybe she didn't know how to bring it up or was worried that you'd get upset?'

Its not ALL about YOU! Don't text. Pick up the phone and call to congratulate her if you can't see her in person!

Agree with PPs- dont send that message. By doing so, it would be YOU making the friendship go wrong. It seems passive aggressive to me- making out like you are the victim when it's YOU that is taking the action to finish the relationship.
People get funny about this kind of stuff. They tell barely anybody until they are safely past the first few months ... and then lots of people seem to enjoy the thought of giving everyone a massive Surprise!!!! on FaceBook and generating a great reaction. It's not the way I'd do it but plenty do. I have an acquaintance who announced her marriage had taken place on FB ( whirlwind- only 2 months into the relationship). I thought her proper friends would be pissed off because, as well as being excluded from a key development in their friend's life, they had obviously missed out on attending the wedding too.

I assume she wanted to keep it secret from everyone, even very close friends, for the first 12 weeks (I did this) and then was excited to share the news on FB and didn’t think to phone you first. Please don’t send that message (unless you actually want the friendship to end).

It's up to her how she announces it. But it's that annoying line "I saw it on Facebook" 🙄

What ever happened to the days where people spoke to one another, instead of seeing it advertised on 💩book? Too many people on their oversharing.

Maybe she is not feeling well and doesn't have the energy to tell everyone separately. Or maybe someone found out and she thought it best to tell everyone else at once rather than have people find out second hand. You can't please everyone. Don't send the message.

christ i missed the messGs! Do not send that text. What a shitty thing to do. She is really happy to be pregnant and floating on just announcing it and you want to send such a cunty message to what? Bring her down?!

What do you want to happen after the message?

Pure selfishness.

This is why I love Mnet, thank you all for your honest comments.
I've just messaged saying can we see each other tonight to celebrate!
Maybe I'm being sensitive, I guess it is not what I expected or what I wouldn't do.
Oh and she's not like 12 weeks pregnant, she's 26 weeks!
We were in Marbella together only 3 months ago for girls weekend away!
Thanks again all x

Are your miscarriages currently a (for want of a better phrase) 'live' issue? Do you want more children still? (I ask as someone who had sx miscarriages interspersed with three children and I definitely felt differently about this sort of thing after a live birth than I did after a run of mcs). If so, I am wondering whether she simply didn't know how to tell you. Whether this is a sin of omission rather than commission. I don't think that's an excuse, because I can see this is hurtful, but I do think it is a very human response to a difficult thing.

Don't send her a message. Congratulate her, and next time you see her face to face (!) grab a quiet moment to ask her why she didn't tell you earlier - but don't go overboard on the reproaches. Be forgiving. It's your pain at your miscarriages coming out here and she is not (iyswim) the right 'target'.

X posts. Well done, OP

I'm glad you chose to send that message. Especially at 26 weeks I would feel really put out, but it's done now. Now you can get excited together!

26 weeks!! Did you not notice or see that she wasn’t drinking in Marbella (I guess neither or these might apply)! Well done for changing your message and making it a positive one. I understand you’re hurt but she must have had her reasons for doing it that way. Maybe she thought you must have realised but as you hadn’t said anything that you didn’t want to talk about it. Ask her.