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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Evil neighbour!

12 replies

Jasperjonesc · 14/01/2020 21:43

So I'm hoping to gather some perspective/advice on this "new" issue we have with our horrendous upstairs neighbour (neighbour A) who i feel is continuing to harass my family. Am I right in that perception of the situation?

We've been living at our (rented) middle floor flat for 18 months. The same age as my son. We can't afford to put down a deposit yet so are continuing to rent in SW London due to where we work etc.

We're aiming to move (buy into) our first home together next year but for now we're staying put as need to save/ give our son stability/ we like the area and are happy in our flat apart from neighbour A.

Our whole block of flats is quite old; the insulation between floors is light and the windows are only singularly glazed so allow in noise from outside.
Our neighbour owns his flat.
For what it's worth, we get on really well with everyone else in our block, including shared Christmas presents/ cards and even a party (which neighbour a wasn't invited to).

Neighbour A has always been very (passive) aggressive to me and my son. He's retired (although 6"4 and still quite physically strong looking), lots of time inside and seems to not enjoy anything, quite frankly.

From the second we moved in (August 2018) he has been openly hostile to me. Considering I was heavily pregnant at that time, he made me feel nervous AF and purposely so I believe.
He knocked the first day we moved in and complained about the noise made by the Emerson/ water boiler which was literally part of the flat and the previous tenants would have dealt with also! So not a new noise.

However, since moving in (to me) he's been physically intimidating, staring at us from his top floor window, waiting in the hallway and staring, repeatedly vandalising our cars, spitting all over our garage AND car, smashing up husbands van lights whilst in car park, ripping off car side mirror (twice), REPEATEDLY banging a pole on the floor underneath my sons cot (often at 4am inc the week my son first started nursery, absolutely scaring the wits out of him!!!), drilling into the floor (we think he must of drillled into a block of wood), standing outside our block of flats at "hometime" aka 5.30, or sitting in the carpark at 5.30 with his car lights on, waiting eugh. parking directly outside our garage and blocking entrance (when the entire car park was free bar 2 spaces), calling me a "crazy lady" on repeat when I'd challenge him as to why he was so hostile with me on many, many occasions he would sit in his car watching us leave for work. And then rev like a total psycho and speed past?! Every day August 18- nov 19 we had an incidence.

A was issued with 2 police notices in 2019; one for assaulting me (long story) and the other for harassing our family. From August 2018 (when my son was born) to November 2019 (when the police harassment notice was given) . Police believe us, have spoken to other neighbours etc and just encouraged us to get a dash cam/ log instances.

We haven't heard from neighbour A in 2 months since last police notice. We (foolishly) thought he might have become reasonable and ... normal? But alas maybe not.

Today we got a call from our estate agents saying neighbour A had sent over a noise complaint to them against us?!
We are baffled here as to our rights / how we can challenge this as it is clearly crap intended to get us pushed out and yet another bullying tactic from neighbour A.
Our son attends nursery 8-5.30 5 days a week, and goes to sleep 6.30-6.30. I would actually LOVE for hours to be reduced at nursery but we just can't at this time. But our son loves nursery anyway and gets slot out of it.
We have fun n games daily 6.30-7.30 when we all leave for the day (as you should surely with a CHILD)? 1 hour every morning but that means breakfast, cuddles and tv/ games. We always make a point of keeping boisterous noises to a minimum.
In addition my husband and I chill once child is in bed, certainly no loud noises from 7pm onwards as it'll
Wake up our son!

I cannot help thinking my neighbour should really understand what noisy neighbours are- we used to live with people that partied from 11pm onward, had mates round at all hours etc and we legit feel like an hour or two of liveable noise a day is NO WAY justified to complain?

Are there any landlords out there or others who have experienced such horrible neighbours?

What would you guys do? Should I contact the police again? I just feel like our neighbour is obsessed with us! Literally even the fact that he's sought out our landlord directly makes me cringe!

OP posts:
recklessruby · 14/01/2020 21:51

For one thing keep a record like you are doing and could you put up a cheap camera near where the car is to catch him in any vandalism/ record the intimidating behaviour?
Fwiw you re not doing anything wrong with noise.
I d love to live next door to a normal family instead of the weirdo we have who blasts 30 seconds of random noisy house music at 12.30 am and has noisy arguments with his girlfriend. He also set fire to shoes on his patio once.
He s mid 60s too.

Surfskatefamily · 14/01/2020 21:54

I understand your reason for staying but honestly I would move. Hes too aggressive and isn't put off by police so he could snap.

Sounds like a horrible man. Sorry your going through this. From what you say there is nothing at all that I'd complain about. Just normal living in a flat noise.

Dinomom52 · 14/01/2020 21:56

Do you have any paperwork from the police about the notice? Could you pass this along to the estate agents to evidence a dispute where the law was on your side?

cakeandchampagne · 14/01/2020 21:57

Borrow money if you need to and move. This will only get worse.

CSIblonde · 14/01/2020 21:57

Log every incident. But, he's looking for a reaction, especially with the standing & staring. So... Why not change the dynamic, if he's stood there glowering, smile, say a cheery hi there & then carry on. Don't react to any reply or shouting etc. He's getting off on your fear. It'll change the power dynamic & confuse the feck out of him & you'll feel more in control. Also, get a personal alarm, they're 5quid on Amazon & get fake battery operated small globe security camera to hang by your front door & garage (£4 each on Amazon, they don't need fitting, just a nail to hang on). He's probably lonely, bored & isolated & has fixed all that resentment onto you. Just a thought.... I'd prob get some local leaflets re senior hobby clubs/dating (our Asda has a local activities board & local mag full of free hobbie clubs) , & shove thru his door... Might give him something else to concentrate on.

Hoik · 14/01/2020 22:01

Send the estate agents details of the harassment and intimidation against you, include the incident reference numbers from the police, and explain that it is a malicious complaint that is part of an ongoing campaign by this neighbour. Now he knows who your estate agent is they can quite probably expect further complaints from him as it sounds like hes discovered a new avenue by which to bully you.

We had an upstairs neighbour when lived in a flat who tried this, he didn't want a baby living downstairs so before DC was even born he went on a mission to have us evicted. He rang the council and our landlord and made complaints about the noise from our stereo. I invited the landlord round to show that we didn't even own a stereo and wrote to the noise team at the council to give our side of matters, I explained that the neighbour was harassing us and sent photocopies of hateful notes he'd put through our door as proof. We heard no more about it and he soon stopped calling them to complain when he realised they weren't taking any action against us.

Hoik · 14/01/2020 22:05

Logging every incident, yes. Cameras, yes.

These two bits of advice?

Why not change the dynamic, if he's stood there glowering, smile, say a cheery hi there & then carry on. Don't react to any reply or shouting etc. He's getting off on your fear. It'll change the power dynamic & confuse the feck out of him & you'll feel more in control.

I'd prob get some local leaflets re senior hobby clubs/dating (our Asda has a local activities board & local mag full of free hobbie clubs) , & shove thru his door... Might give him something else to concentrate on.

Fuck no.

Do not anything to antagonise or escalate the situation, if you up the ante by being overly nice in a passive-aggressive way or by shoving leaflets through his door (Hmm) then he is going to retaliate. He's already acting like an arsehole, why push him into potentially snapping?

marthastew · 14/01/2020 22:09

Honestly, I would move. He sounds deranged and with the potential to escalate things. I don't know how you have stayed there this long.

ByeMF · 14/01/2020 22:11

Don't engage. Get evidence. Move out asap.

ffswhatnext · 14/01/2020 22:18

Let the EA know about all your issues. Even though he owns he isn't above the law as you already know. If they handled the property to the previous tenants I would be asking if they had similar issues, sounds like this could be the case considering he seems to have annoyed others in the block.

Do LL's have to declare this type of thing to prospective tenants? It not it's about time they did surely.

BrickTop999 · 14/01/2020 22:25

Just move
You must have gone past your 12 months tenancy and on a rolling months tenancy
Why put up with this ?
He sounds evil

AJPTaylor · 14/01/2020 22:33

Move.

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