Hi all.
I've changed my username because I'm scared and expecting some awful feedback. This is a long post, just trying to be honest about it all.
My 15 year old is generally a sweet, popular, funny, smart boy (to strangers, his family or my friends) However he is also spoilt, selfish, extremely vindictive and has a bad attitude at school and home.
I am a single parent with no support whatsoever. I have struggled but have worked hard and he has everything he wants or needs and then some, the best of everything with regards to material things. I try very hard to be empathetic and give him emotional support but he actually just doesn't care and is just so mean to me, it breaks my heart. He sees/contacts his dad whenever he wants to but his dad doesn't show much interest. I haven't spoken to his dad in years because all I would get is abuse so now I just leave them to it. His dad has never supported us/me emotionally or financially. I try and talk to my son everyday, we spend a lot of time together, have holidays and days/evenings out doing things to try to engage him and keep him happy. I tell him I love him and my life literally revolves around giving him a good life. I've tried to give him everything I didn't have emotionally or financially but he definitely doesn't acknowledge this.
At the age of 14 (a year ago) he was finally diagnosed adhd, which explains a lot and I've really tried my best to educate myself and change my parenting to accommodate his needs. I changed his school as they were unsupportive. His new school is better although I think they just ignore a lot and there is no communication with me. I used to think it was a 'pick your battles' senario, now he's doing his GCSE's I'm not so sure.
Tonight I've had enough, he is just so shitty with his attitude, calling me a bitch, saying 'what do you want' 'I don't care' 'whatever' constantly, that's putting it mildly. I have now stripped his bedroom, literally everything has been removed apart from his bed, an uncovered duvet, pillow, uniform, school books and x2 underwear. Even down to the pics on his walls. All he has is apart from this is the clothes he is wearing and his phone because he refuses to give me that. I have said I will cook him a meal every evening but he needs to wash his clothes for himself.
He is smoking weed and vapes, our home constantly smells of it but he just blames it on the neighbours. He uses his deodorant as air freshener so I have thrown that away too and tomorrow will put a lock on his sash window so it barely opens.
Whilst clearing his room I found a huge amount of lighters, Rizla, vapes, vape juice and even balaclavas. I stopped giving him any pocket money about a year ago and just started putting it into an account instead (£10pw if he behaved) so he could buy himself stuff online if he wanted. He is supposed to do chores for this but that rarely happens. His friends get around £30pw so he doesn't even care about it even though I tell him he has now £150 to spend.
I am worried about gangs. I am in south london, he already had bragged to a friend in front of me that he was approached for county lines, offered £600. Tbh I think he was lying, to look big. Although I can't be sure, i don't mix in those circles, I don't let him out in the evenings, he is always contactable by his phone. He is very streetwise but I'm terrified that he sees gang culture as quite cool. If it means anything in this, he is mixed race. He definitely identifies as black and thinks it is the best thing ever! Which is fine of course... I hope I'm not being misunderstood here.
How the hell do I turn this around? I am having extreme guilt after removing his stuff but at the same time wish I could be stronger. I threatened to sell his newest and most expensive stuff (tv, Xbox, Nikon camera, trainers etc) can't see myself doing that though,.. should I really follow through?
Please help but be kind...