To think this is

[Liv09ab]

I've NC for this as I don't know who else is on here and don't want to be outed for slagging off the in-laws. Please excuse my being so vague.

OH's parents are divorced and one has moved abroad, the one remaining parent he has in the country only bothers with him when they want something - money.

It was OH's birthday in November and neither one sent him so much as a card or bothered to wish him a happy birthday.

It is our daughters birthday today and the local parent came round this morning - how nice I thought, they've come to wish DD a happy birthday.

Nope, they wanted to borrow money. No card for DD and didn't show much interest when we said it was her birthday, just wanted to move the conversation on to money.

Then said to DH "it was your birthday not long ago wasn't it, I just can't remember the date"

We also have a baby (old enough to be crawling) and this parent has seen him twice during his whole life and those occasions happened only because they came to ask to borrow money otherwise they wouldn't have met. The other parent hasn't met baby but I appreciate that's slightly more understandable as they live across the world.

The local parent works 6 days per week and is always busy on the one day off they have so I understand that they're pushed for time, but when it comes to wanting something they can always spare an hour to come round and ask and when they're not in need we don't hear from them.

They're not interested in having lunch or having a chat over a cuppa whilst spending time with the kids. OH and I are never invited round, it's not because we don't make the effort. I've tried to foster a relationship between this parent and the DC but they're just not interested.

OH always remembers his parents birthdays and I always send a card/Facebook message and a token gift.

I could see the embarrassment on OH's face as they left the house this morning after being told no, sorry we don't have any money spare. I don't want to compound his feelings of rejection/being used by pointing out how fucking rude they are but I know he feels embarrassed/hurt about the fact they're like this and that I witness their indifference to the DC and OH.

AIBU to say this is appalling treatment, of OH mainly.

That's so sad

I don't think you have to point out the bad behaviour to him. He knows and seems mortified. What a shame. Just be an ear to listen when he discusses it.

They obviously only give a shit about themselves. Good that you said you had no spare money.

Of course YANBU, that is absolutely awful.

I won't be mentioning anything to OH because he's clearly embarrassed and feels downtrodden as it is. I feel so bad for him.

I'm not too bothered about their indifference to the DC as they're not missing out and get plenty of attention from my side of the family, but they are all poor OH has.

Ghastly people

I would suggest you stop with the cards/messages/gifts for the parent's birthday. Leave that up to your OH to deal with. He might want to scale contact back.

Yes I won't be bothering from now on. I have a small but close knit family so sending a card etc is just the done thing for me, but it's clearly pointless as it's not reciprocated

Sad for your Dh but they are not all he has - he has you and the kids, his own family unit to focus on. It's good that he didn't give any money - hopefully they won't come begging again but if they do make sure the answer is always no. And give up sending cards and gifts. They're not appreciated.

We genuinely couldn't afford to help out today as we're in the process of moving and have had to tighten our belts but when we can spare it, OH always gives it.

What makes it even more sad for me is that OH is saying HE feels terrible because he wasn't able to lend anything.