Am I just being a jealous bitter bitch?

[doremimimi]

So, long story short, I had tried to call my Dad earlier today - no answer - all good.
So he calls me to tell me that he was in court today for the nephew of his new partner who had been assaulted 2 years ago.
All good?

NO IT'S NOT!!!!

I had to stand alone and isolated in a court on two occasions opposite my bastard of a boyfriend who used to beat me up. In any case, on one occasion, I went through the whole police statement, court etc. Not ONE SINGLE SOLITARY PERSON FROM MY FAMILY OR FRIENDS EVEN OFFERED TO BE THERE WITH ME.
Meanwhile - my now ex was sat flanked by his two parents.
I then had to go to court the next week to request a non mol order and asked my father to come in case the arsehole showed up to respond to it.
My father - who wears a shirt and jacket whenever he's not in his work clothes rocks up in a Lonsdale hoodie! At the age of fucking 62.

So I saw red.

My father then told me that he couldn't be dealing with my stupid attitude, implied that I was drunk and that I was 'stupid anyway - sure you'd kick him out and go back to him'.

AIBU to be a little bit FUCKING APOPLECTIC WITH RAGE?

I'm so sorry sounds like my dad . Families eh ! You don't need him .

That's really gut wrenching OP. I'd feel the same as you. It wasn't as if you were in court for a parking ticket FFS. And no matter how 'strong' he might have thought you to be (though I expect that's probably not the case anyway) with a serious, intimidating assault case you get up off your arse and accompany the people you care about with some solidarity and support.

I suspect he's impressing the new girlfriend. No more, no less and probably doesn't give much of a shit about the nephew either but it's about appearing to be this kind, thoughtful, compassionate person. Doing his Mr Nice bit.

In your shoes this'd be the last straw. I've never suffered an assault (not to that extent anyhow) but I do know how it feels to go through various life crap on your own while your supposed nearest and dearest devote their time and effort to others who seem to be in far less need. And that's despite you doing the right thing for them over the years. It bloody hurts, especially when there's no obvious reason for it like a falling out, or any apparent impediment to them helping.

It's a well worn cliche here but this is one of those occasions when I wouldn't blame you one bit to leave the hypocritical git to his own devices as he ages. Sod him.

He is being all fake and upstanding for this new woman. It’s not the real him - he doesn’t care about the man he just wants to look good.

I think this is probably the truest words spoken.

@Straycatstrut @happinessischocolate You two get to pick up the flak eh? Nice. They really are such inferior human beings to be honest - mind you - my mother is as bad if not worse. I really hit every branch on the misfortune tree on the way down!!

To all the other posters I haven't quoted - thank you all. I've read your posts and am most grateful for your kind and motivational words and thoughts.

I've now passed through anger, fury, rage, sadness and am at apathy I think lol. Fuck them. As some kind poster said - I've gotten through all this on my own - I don't need him. Ye - sure it would be nice to have support, but I don't - so I need to accept that.

I feel particularly bad for the two Mums who have posted who are having to deal with these gobshites for the sake of their kids on an ongoing basis. I'd really look at phasing them out to be honest.

@catsmother I'm at that point. I'm not bothering anymore. I'm seeking something that he's not capable of offering. Barking up the wrong tree. Always seeking his approval - never receiving it. His 'kindness' is conditional on me being 'naice'. Well I'm fucking done being naice.

Being charitable, you could think he had learned from his lack of support to you.
More likely, he has been dragged along by his current squeeze as she wants the drama of having a day in court, and thinks it will be like being in EastEnders.

He’s a weak pathetic inferior father, but you know that .
Supporting anybody else is for show.
Be proud you managed all you have without fake support
You’ll be the stronger one in the end

You have every right to be angry....

You're totally right to be angry. Let it all out.

He's a prick, but I'm sure his relationship will fail soon. The family sound like scum, anyway. Focus on you and only you. And you know what? When he's old and suddenly needs someone to help him? Tell him to get to fuck.

Just be happy that the old bastard has sealed his fate in a nursing home and you don't have to deal with him. Every cloud.

Yanbu. Your dad is and I hope you find peace eventually with it all and have a happy life. It's horrible being let down by a parent like that.

I’m sorry your dad and others weren’t very supportive.
You are strong and you handled it, but it’s sad you felt so alone.

(And your dad’s hoodie in court was ridiculous.)

Oh ladies (and any gents who may have posted) - thank you so so much. You have no idea how much your words mean to me. I've let out the biggest sigh of relief just now having read back through all your posts and to just have it acknowledged that for once in my life, my feelings are ok, means more to me than you'll ever know. This has been therapeutic for me - thanks to your insight and kind and thoughtful words.

I had my fists up ready to fight to be honest, so I really was not expecting this kindness. Is there something weird going on with MN? lol

This sounds like my father. Apparently he is helping his new partner's family out with different things but hasn't appeared on my doorstep for years. I'm gutted. But more so for the father that I would like to have had but never really had (he could be physically and emotionally abusive at times. My mother is also estranged from me and she was very distant, growing up. Like you, I haven't don't too well in the parent stakes. I try to focus on my own children but it does hurt at times especially as I couldn't imagine treating my own children like this.

Always seeking his approval - never receiving it. His 'kindness' is conditional on me being 'naice'. This too.
Sorry you have missed out on having decent parents op. I totally get this.

Omg - I can't tell you how embarrassing the hoodie was lol. I wouldn't mind, but my solicitor was an acquaintance - I was all done up in a suit (with the two by now yellow/purple eyes) and there's my Dad in a Lonsdale hoodie. I didn't have the heart to tell him it was inappropriate attire. He even made a fuss about all he had to do that day - so didn't even attend graciously. Probably wore the suit and tie to this randomer's case today. Case was probably only in for mention - not a hearing.

@User48675 That's the word. I was utterly 'gutted'. It comes out as anger initially, but that's the core emotion I think. It's like a kick to the solar plexus.

Well, at least not everyone has Disney parents I guess.
I really should join the Stately Homes thread - I looked briefly once but it seemed very well established so I didn't want to intrude uninvited.

My DD is three and my dad has never met her. He was always too busy with his girlfriends granddaughters. She dumped him last year and he's been telling tales about how I never want to see him!

Look, he's my dad, I love him but fuck me if he's not the biggest goddam insufferable prick on the planet. DM's dead but it would kill her over again to see how he's treated us.

To quote Captain Jean Luc Picard - "It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life."

OP we're not responsible for our parents and can't control them. Sadly that is life. Let go, there's better stuff in your future

OP we're not responsible for our parents and can't control them and it's NO REFLECTION on your value

I understand your hurt. I used to comfort myself by believing that my parents just didn't have the ability to be supportive or interested. That they just didn't have what I needed (after my child died), so were not able to give it to me. Then they bent over backwards to do everything they could for someone else in a similar situation and was nearly as wounding as my original bereavement. When I asked my mother about it, she said they couldn't be expected to help me because they "had a business to run".
Fuck them. Fuck every single useless one of them. They don't deserve a single one of our thoughts or a moment of our time.
(BTW, don't worry about jumping in on the Stately Homes thread, everyone is very welcoming and understanding there).

I'm sorry for your loss DontDribble. I had a late miscarriage and had no support from my separated parents (apart from my mother crying on my shoulder about it all and I was left comforting her and then she shouted down the phone at me two weeks later because I hadn't contacted her.) My father was nowhere to be seen either.
I used to comfort myself by believing that my parents just didn't have the ability to be supportive or interested Yes I think I've eventually reached this conclusion.

Don'tDribble, I meant to say that was a very shocking response from your mother in the circumstances.

and it's NO REFLECTION on your value

I have struggled with this Summer, really truly believing this statement.
My self-esteem is pretty poor unfortunately, I seem to want to constantly blame/berate myself unfortunately.

What is it with some men?

Not at all on the same level but my ex used to ask me to bring the baby round so he could spend time with her and then, within five minutes of our arriving he would always find someone else to talk to and ignore her. It could be the milkman or the rubbish collector, anyone rather than spend time with his baby.

A few years later he told me he had a flat set aside for us when we moved back to his country but when we arrived to had let it to some so-called friend of his who lived there for two years and left owing tons of rent.

doremimimimi, so very sorry. Life sucks sometimes.

Is it possible he feels guilt about you and it would be difficult to have to hear the details of what happened at your court case? Ignorance is bliss I suppose.

He isn't invested in this nephew of his latest so there is no issue.

It's selfish and cowardly but it is an explanation

I have a dad who has never stepped up to be a dad and often tried to use me as a weapon against my mum.

Don't squash the anger, find strength in it and use it. Direct the energy towards doing what you want and actively helping those around you. Be as strong as he is useless because f*ck him!

No idea who would be voting YABU. Probably just those who are confused by the question. YABU to even suggest you are a jealous, bitter bitch.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Both the abuse from the ex and your family. You don't deserve any of it. And neither do the other posters who have their own stories on this thread. It's so sad to see it isn't just me who has shitty parents. It can make you feel very alone when you have friends who have functional relationships with theirs.

I could tell you a million stories about my mother's abhorrent reactions to my abuse. Of all the times she's hurled me under the bus and had a laugh at my broken body with my aggressors. Of all the support and compliments she's lavished on everyone else while reserving her venom and criticism for me.

I like a PP's survival tactic to just treat her like an older woman I happen to know. I'm much better at emotionally detaching from my mother these days, though she still manages to get a good jab in when I least expect it - like at my beautiful son's birthday party the other day.

Keep company with good, positive people and remind yourself you are not the problem.