To not make them revise?

[PeopleareBU]

For their gsces. I nag but they dont.

Change tactics, make it a fun learning game, get involved.
Just nagging at them to study and doing nothing else is not good parenting.

Anything less than 4As at A level meant it wasn’t a truly free choice but a choice limited by their results. They didn’t disappoint and unsurprisingly, none chose to be a hairdresser or labourer.

Gosh. Mine didn't even understand why you'd stay at school to get A levels. I had to battle them to be allowed to stay in 6th form.

...and mine used to send me out every evening with the expectation that I'd hang around parks, quite probably making trouble.

I'm starting to feel increasingly proud of my academic results.

Can you offer to help them support them, ask them what is there strength, weakness. nagging won,t help but encouragement def. Ask what there goal is, what do they think they need to achieve in order to do this ect. What is there plan B?

They didn’t disappoint and unsurprisingly, none chose to be a hairdresser or labourer.

And what if they had chosen those careers? I'm not sure those jobs are a negative thing, are they?

Though it's amazing that all your children gained all A's at A Level! Absolutely unbelievable, you must have been very proud of your perseverance with them .

It’s difficult. Dd has Sen and she is really struggling. No matter how hard she tries I don’t think she will do that well, she is very behind, and isn’t very strong emotionally, she won’t have a tutor because can’t cope with the social communication etc is highly anxious around exams. So do I nag and nag? No I don’t. I just want her to get through school safely and in one piece.

Much the same with my youngest Ballstothisdotcom. My youngest probably won't go to university at all. Sometimes all you can do is support your kid to be the best they can be, without killing themselves in the process.

It's hard for him because his oldest sister is so academically successful, and he just has to accept that his brain works differently to hers, and in a way that school/university doesn't really value.

Finally persuaded very bright DS2(14) to do a little revision for his pre Christmas maths exam. He came home all smiles: top of his year by 10%.

“This revision thing is mad,” he said. “To be honest it makes it so much easier, it feels a bit like cheating.”

Not sure what kind of warped logic he is applying there, but if it keeps him revising, I’m happy to go with it.

@HoldMyLobster nice to hear from someone else feeling the same! Was Literally just googling ‘what to do when your child can’t pass GCSEs’

My son is going his GCSE'S this year his school is great extra lessons before and after school etc etc he thought 'reading' was enough but I brought him past papers flash cards and did a rota we are getting there thankfully NO xbox/phone all week just fri/sat a half day sunday I'm remaining positive and upbeat even though it's so stressful!! My only child I hope I'm getting it right!

Sooner or later, their native wit will not carry them through, and if they're bright, the wake-up call can come late.....once taught a little toad who told his DM he'd been specifically told NOT to revise, as Ms Twosheds wanted to see what they'd really remembered of the year's work, then didn't trouble her with tidings of Parents' Evening, to spare her the stress of seeing the predictable results. Unluckily for him, I spotted that she hadn't requested an appointment, so got in touch directly, and she had the delights of seeing his calamitous test papers, plus the revision list I had made them write out, so in his own handwriting...…..
I believe a full and frank exchange of views ensued when she got home.
Sometimes, they have to stub their toes before the message gets through.
But with older ones, all you can really do is be supportive, and set up favourable conditions for them.

SquareAsABlock And what if they had chosen those careers? I'm not sure those jobs are a negative thing, are they?
As said, we’d have given them our blessing. If those are a true choice, then absolutely fine by us. It’s the not being able to do something because you lacked qualifications we wanted to avoid. Nothing wrong with hairdressing but, as with any other career, it should be a true, free choice. Not a fall back because of poor results. I don’t know any of their high achieving peers who decided against a more lucrative or higher status career.

We don’t nag them to revise for exams. They know it’s their responsibility. We also don’t put pressure on them to get all A’s. They all have different talents and tend to get the highest grades in the subjects they love and would choose anyway. I see no point making a child who wants to study IT get an A in History for example.
My parents were very strict academically. Anything less than an A was met with disapproval and extra tutoring. Lower than a B resulted in “consequences”.
It made me into perfectionist. Even when I was on my own, working my way through university. I would get panic attacks if I got a paper or exam back with less than an A. Naturally, I graduated with straight A’s.
It’s damaged me psychologically.
So while I am sure we have made mistakes in how we had a low pressure, play to your strengths and what you love approach, at least it is not the same mistake my parents made with me and my siblings.

@Ballstothisdotcom My DS has SEN and did his GCSEs in 2017. He got just enough (5 4s) to start a level two course in his chosen field at the local FE college. He failed English and maths. He retook maths and passed and passed his vocational course with a merit (even though he only got a 2 when doing the same thing at GCSE). He's now doing a level three in the same thing and doing really well and he's redoing his English this year. If he passes, it's the equivalent of three A levels and can be used for a university place. I think that sometimes the number of GCSEs is just too much for children with additional challenges but there are other routes than just A levels.

@BeBraveAndBeKind thank you. Yes I’m very worried about her. It’s good to hear others have gone on to do well.

@Ballstothisdotcom I know how you feel. Our main concern was getting him through the exams with his confidence and mental health intact.

I swore uncontrollably for about 10 minutes to DH when DS got his results. Not because of what he'd got but at the unfairness of a system that tries to push a square peg intro a round hole and judging him by neurotypical standards rather than accounting for his neuro diversity. He's so clever but he just can't reflect that within the restrictive confines of their expected responses. But he's forging his own path in a creative field now so hopefully future employers will appreciate his differences.

I do nag a bit, yes, but I also encourage, talk it through. You can't make someone revise though if they don't want to.

DD is also doing GCSEs this year and does minimum revision saying it just won't go in. She's done a lot on "how to revise" to know the best strategies for her, but I think the anxiety of exams is creating a stumbling block (she is Asperger's). We've just backed off. Nagging won't help, but I also suspect a bit of teenage stubbornness, so have said to her some people learn best by experience. If she doesn't do well enough for the ALevels she wants, there'll be a life lesson in the offing.