Wwyd - stbxh having key cut

[clpsmum]

Been separated from stbxh for over two years. None of it has been amicable. Last summer police were involved. They told me to take keys off him and for him to stay away from the house.

Today he told me via text message that he had a key to the house. I asked him if he had had one cut as I'd take it off him and he said yes. So he has either a) has a key cut behind my back without my knowledge or consent and against the advice or the police or b) lied about having a key cut to scare me and make me anxious. Not sure which is worse tbh.

Not sure what, if any, action to take and was hoping you'd give me some advice and tell me what you think I should do.

@TheBusDriver yes house in joint names for now although he's not paid the mortgage in over two years if that makes any difference

Obviously change the locks as a matter of urgency, as others have said. Also look into whether either an Occupation Order or a Non-molestation Order would be appropriate for you, I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship and separation but if the police have been involved I'd guess there have been threats of harm/violence?

You can’t change the locks if he’s still on the mortgage unfortunately. He has the right of entry at any time unless you have an occupation order in place.

You can however make it harder for him to gain entry by leaving keys in locks, and adding on different locks above the original.

My sister was dragged over the coals by the judge for changing the locks so I wouldn’t advise that course of action.

@atomicblonde30 oh no didn't realise that. No occupation order in place. I'll rethink for the the time being I'm thinking of maybe a video doorbell or some sort of camera at front Door.

If the police advised him to stay away and surrender his key I’d let them know he’s breached that advice.

But it’s just advice though, ultimately the police have no power here. The only way they would is if Op had an occupation order he was breaching, then they have powers of recourse.

@clpsmum I’d look into the option of having cameras, especially the ring doorbell I have one and it works great. I’d also look at adding locks, so add a bolt to whichever door you don’t use and add another lock possibly a Yale pull lock on the door you do use - this is a loophole in the law that states you can’t change locks to the exclusion of a legal owner. He could prove easily you changed the locks but proving you’ve added a bolt is far more difficult.

I’ve personal experience with this so feel free to PM if you would like

He is now saying he does t have a key and trying to gaslight me

Well if he doesn't have a key and it sounds like he shouldn't have one, if you change the locks he will never know because he shouldn't be able to access your house. Just say nothing about the locks, change them and this will only come to anything if he tries to access your house. At least then you will have peace of mind and know that he cant' just walk in at any time. Cameras might be a good idea also.

I don't know the legalities if the house is jointly owned, but I don't see why you shouldn't change the locks. If he is in fact entitled to come in you can let him in.

What sort of locks do you have? Wooden doors with Yale and/or mortice? Plastic doors with Eurocylinders?

Lot's of people have both a mortice lock and a "yale" on the front door, and you can give the "yale" key to workmen or cleaners for a particular day, retaining the mortice key and locking it at all other times. A Yale cylinder is particularly cheap and easy to swap (but not very secure).

It is very easy to change locks yourself if you know which end of a screwdriver to hold, escpecially if you know the make and model of the old one so you can buy the same again (sizes vary a bit). I suggest you keep the old locks, individually bagged up with all the keys that fit them. You could swap them back one day if you lose a key.

Don't forget the padlock on the shed door and the side gate.

Consider if you need to secure the car, though car keys are harder to copy if they include an immobiliser.

If you have a burglar alarm, consider changing the code.

Window locks, and mortice bolts, generally don't have keyholes on the outside, and add extra security at low cost.

Leave back door key in. Add an additional lock to the front. If he sends a solicitor letter you have a text that he has a key...

Why are you even engaging with him? If he thinks he is getting to you it will spur him on.
Ignore the messages and just save them for your records.

Ignore him

He knows it’s winding you up