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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How many bridesmaids a person can have?

45 replies

Shakespearian55 · 12/01/2020 20:11

My friend is getting married. She's told us that there are 11 women who she'd love to ask to be a bridesmaid, but felt that that was too many. My other friend said she should just go for it and have them all. Another of us thought that even half that many was ridiculous.

My own view is that more than 4 looks a bit weird, although I hasten to add I didn't say that today.

What do other people think? Does having loads of bridesmaids start looking a bit tacky?

OP posts:

Original poster

Shakespearian55 · 12/01/2020 20:11

Sorry, this was meant to be in chat!

OP posts:

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 12/01/2020 20:12

I think it needs to be balanced by best men on the other side, it'll look daft if there's 11 women and 2 men.

I wonder if she's hoping people will eliminate themselves to sidestep a conversation

Mandarinfish · 12/01/2020 20:13

I know someone who had seven, and a man who had eight groomsmen. Personally I think two or three is a good number, but her choice!

MmeBufo · 12/01/2020 20:15

TBH if there were that many that I wanted I have none, or maybe just the one (if I had a clearly established, long term, best friend). 11 is going to be ridiculously expensive and cause all sorts of practical difficulties.

Pipandmum · 12/01/2020 20:16

I would only have the very best of friends. For me it was my sister. I also had a good friends two young children for the ceremony as ring bearer and flower girl.
If she thinks she has 11 besties then of course it's up to her.

ParkheadParadise · 12/01/2020 20:24

I would imagine trying to organize more than 4 bridesmaids would be a nightmare. I have been a bridesmaid 10 times, I have a large family. At the most there was 5 of us.
My niece is planning her wedding and is talking about having 7.
When my best friend got married yrs ago she had 2 of us.
I had dd and my niece, they had dresses on but they were the only 2 guests we got married abroad just the 4 of us.

sonjadog · 12/01/2020 20:27

I think if she wants eleven and can afford eleven, then she should have them all. Who cares if it is "tacky"? They should have the wedding just the way she and her husband-to-be would like, hopefully it will be a once in a lifetime event for them both. Rather a quirky wedding than a bland, characterless one.

2020BetterBeBetter · 12/01/2020 20:27

I think it’s lovely that she’s got that many close friends to want to have as bridesmaids.

CherryPavlova · 12/01/2020 20:30

I’ve always thought no more than six unless you were either royalty or traveller.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 12/01/2020 20:31

She can have however many bridesmaids as she wants/can afford.

LaurieMarlow · 12/01/2020 20:32

It really is up to her. 11 seems like a total nightmare to me, but it’s her wedding, she should do what she wants.

EL8888 · 12/01/2020 20:35

As many as you like l think is the answer but having 11 is rather ridiculous and excessive. Think of the expense and the debates about which dress / dresses. My Mum would say 11 is common

userabcname · 12/01/2020 20:35

The most I've seen is 8 and I was one of them. It was fine although we did joke that pretty much every female guest was a bridesmaid. The bride was happy and that was all that mattered.

Engard · 12/01/2020 20:37

11 is just daft. Who'd be left to attend the wedding? My friend had a similar situation, I advised to have non of them! Who wants to be a bridesmaid anyway? Wearing something's you don't like, commit to hours you can't do and leave your partner on their own just to smile in some photos that no one ever looks at?

2020BetterBeBetter · 12/01/2020 20:38

My Mum would say 11 is common

Having any adult bridesmaids is considered to be common. Upper class weddings tend to be lots of young children only - Kate having Pippa when she married William was very unusual.

BackforGood · 12/01/2020 20:38

Two or three is plenty IMO but I'm a bit of a 'live and let live' person so if that's what she wants and that's what she can afford, then it is up to her.
Not sure about the logistics of it all though. The idea of a bridesmaid is she is, for the wedding a 'maid' for the 'bride'. By having 11, it would surely add issues, logistically, rather than them being able to help her.

LaurieMarlow · 12/01/2020 20:41

Upper class weddings tend to be lots of young children only

Squads of preschoolers in knickerbockers strikes me as far more of a nightmare than any combination of grownups.

midnightmisssuki · 12/01/2020 20:41

depends i guess - costs wise etc? I had 4 bridesmaids and 4 groomsmen, one maid of honour, two flower girls, two page boys. My sister is having 3 i think.

2020BetterBeBetter · 12/01/2020 20:43

Squads of preschoolers in knickerbockers strikes me as far more of a nightmare than any combination of grownups.

Totally agree.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 12/01/2020 20:44

I think it needs to be balanced by best men on the other side, it'll look daft if there's 11 women and 2 men.

Eek. I have 2 bridesmaids and my fiancé has 6 groomsmen...

amusedbush · 12/01/2020 20:46

I think three is about right. I’d say more than four is just too many.

Isithometimeyet0987 · 12/01/2020 20:46

I just had my sister as my bridesmaid and then 5 flower girls and 5 Paige boys and dh had his best friend as his best man.

Zebrasandfairytales · 12/01/2020 20:47

I had eight bridesmaids! It was wonderful.

My two sisters, sister in-law, two very close childhood friends (who are also sisters and practically family as have known them since birth), three very close friends from college and another amazing and special friend who I met while travelling and who introduced me to my husband.

It wasn’t tacky and I’m not royalty or rich! We had our wedding in my childhood village where we grew up, we all walked to and from the church on the day as it’s just up the road from my parents house where we had our reception.

We bought all the bridesmaids dresses but we managed to get them all in the Coast sale for £45 each.

My husband also had 6 best men and 2 best women. He bought them all a tweed waistcoat each and the ladies picked their own grey dresses to match the waistcoat.

It was a small ceremony and it felt really special that we had all our best friends lining the pews at each side of the altar like a small but smartly dressed army.

I don’t regret it all! It was very special and personal to us.

Your friend should do whatever makes her happy. If she wants to wear lederhosen and have a small cohort of woodland creatures as a bridal party she should do it.

gmailconfusion2 · 12/01/2020 21:07

I had two adults and 4 littlies, I was the first in my family to have a wedding that people attended of my generation and the litties (6-14)had been desperate to be bridesmaids so i felt i couldn't say no. Although i gave all BM's two colours and the freedom to pick the shade and dress design. He just had the best man.

I though six was too many (i wanted none) but it was easier than saying no to them and cost me nothing, and my family knew that the littlies were because i was letting them have their dream

TooManyPups · 12/01/2020 21:08

I had a friend whos relative had 103 bridesmaids.... So 11 doesn't seem so bad after that lol

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