To be disappointed by DPS response to me saying I may have PTSD

[Villanelle92]

I am 5 months pp from a horrible birth with my first baby. It was horrific and ended in EMCS under GA due to negligent care from the hospital.

I’ve felt awful since and have been reading more about birth trauma and PTSD as a result.

I tick 99% of boxes for the symptoms and have decided after much deliberation to call my GP and make an appointment tomorrow.

I’ve just told my DP and he seemed to not give a shit to be honest.

He’s aware I’ve been having vivid nightmares about the birth and that I’ve been struggling with some anxiety but this is the first time I’ve explained the full extent. All he said was “oh, well book a doctors appointment”.

He’s usually great, caring and generally a really good DP.

AIBU in just expecting a bit of care when I told him how much I am suffering?

In fairness, you say he didn’t know or understand the full extent until today so maybe he just needs a bit of time to process what you have told him.

Maybe after going to the doctor and getting a referral (please make you're you don't "downplay" your symptoms to the GP, be very frank) it'll be "real" to him.

Many people don't seem to get that PTSD isn't less bad because you've not been in a war zone, although you have, it was your body.

If he doesn't pick up his attitude then bring him to the first or second session (that you'll hopefully get) and ask the therapist to explain that this is very real. Some people think "it's birth, it's normal, so what" abd need a professional voice to snap them out of it and advise the types of support you're likely to need/want.

Sorry to hear about your traumatic experience 💐

However, I think YABU. You said he is usually caring... so why might he be ‘different’ this time? Maybe, because you have told it to him too many times. He cannot help, which is frustrating for him, there is a solution, like going to see your GP. He is on board with it. Probably he already told you so before.
What exactly did you expect from him?
He’s been part of your PND...and picking up the slack.

Hope you get a good treatment soon and you and your partner can enjoy the baby. 💐

I had post natal ptsd OP. well done for making an appointment. Btw you might be able to refer yourself for assessment via iapt. I found my GP wasn't amazing.
I hope you feel better soon!
Yes that's pretty rubbish. I think it's hard for people to know what to say.
My DH was pretty traumatised himself which resulted in him not being quite so able to support me.

@andyjusthangingaround OP doesn't say she has PND, PTSD from birth trauma is quite different.

OP, I developed PTSD from trauma when my first DC was a baby and found people really didn't understand it, or seem to comprehend how intense it was. Do seek help. I found a therapist who specialises in ptsd and it helped hugely.

He’s an insensitive shit but it doesn’t surprise me- plenty of men like that

YANBU. We all need support. Refer yourself to your local IAPT (Improving Access to Psychological Therapy) service as soon as possible - they work a lot with birth trauma.

PND and PTSD is not the same. Op take no notice of the pp. It's actually important to speak about your trauma.

PTSD and PND are not the same but do be aware that the GP will likely diagnose PND/PNA as they are very reluctant to diagnose anything else so soon after birth. I had a horrific planned c section (of all things) where my newborn nearly died due to negligence and the midwife tried to cover it up. By 4 months pp I was a reck. I had vivid flashbacks and nightmares, sobbed holding my baby, flinched whenever anyone came near me and suffered from 'white coat syndrome' whenever I came into contact with anyone/thing medical. I suffered anxiety for the first time that overwhelmed me. My therapist says it's certainly PTSD but every GP I've seen refuses to acknowledge it! Have a look for specialist charities in your area that support birth trauma and consider ADs to help to.

Thanks for your replies.

I have just done a self referral as recommended and will call my GP in the morning to see if they can help too.

For what it’s worth @andyjusthangingaround I’m going to presume you didn’t read my full post. I don’t feel I have PND. I think it’s PTSD which is different. Also, this is only the second time I have mentioned anything about how I’m feeling after the birth to my DP. So I haven’t “told him too many times” and I’m coping really well all things considered, he isn’t “picking up the slack”.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect some support when things aren’t going well. But appreciate there are some strange souls out there who think everyone should just suffer alone.

The GP is very unlikely to be able to do much op. The good news is that with a baby under 1 you skip all the waiting lists and should be seen very soon.
Just to let you know treatment really helped me. I've just had DC2 which was unimaginable at the time. Life is almost back to normal now and I dont suffer nightmares/flashbacks anymore. All the best

@iano I suspected as much to be honest, through reading some blogs of other mums who have had PTSD they all seem to have struggled with GP help but wasn’t sure where else to start.

Hopefully the self referral will give me what I need to start resolving things in my mind.

We had a debrief meeting a few weeks ago with the hospital and even talking through what happened then helped a little, but not great having to go back to where it all happened so a fresh place to talk will help I think.

Thanks for all the recommendations and sorry to anyone else who has been in this position. It’s rubbish.

I had PTSD after birth trauma (and the treatment really helped so well done for asking for help OP). My DH is awesome in a lot of ways but he didn't know what to do or say when I was struggling. He was great when I woke up after a nightmare but actually talking about the diagnosis and treatment he couldn't find anything to say - it was weird.
I was upset by it at the time but actually I don't think it's unusual and he picked up the slack where necessary and he managed to support me in other ways.

@Villanelle92 sorry, didn’t say you should suffer alone, but it seemed you already figured what you needed to do next.
And you didn’t answer the question about what exactly you expected him to do or react once you told him about your ptsd, issue...

Do think that maybe DP is struggling too? I was diagnosed with PTSD after a traumatic birth and it has been a very long road to recovery. I failed to notice that my partner was really struggling with it all too and it all came to light when we had our second child 5 years later. It made sense that he was suffering too, as he was left alone in a room completely helpless and believing that neither me or our baby were going to live.

Just read your post about the debrief. Personally I found it much more helpful when we had one much later down the line. I wasnt in the right headspace to cope with the debrief they tried to give us early on and it wasn't until about 2 years later that I was able to go through it. I was then referred for midwife led counselling which was a huge turning point for me.

just wanted to say that EMDR therapy worked wonders on DH's PTSD. it's expensive but so good.

YANBU.

You have done the right thing referring yourself to IAPT for EMDR or tf-CBT.

I doubt the GP appointment will add anything. You could always cancel it unless you have other things to discuss.

Good luck. I hope you get the help you need quickly.

I don’t want to say YABU but maybe it’s because you said you looked something up and think you have it and he was unsure about this. That said, he should have validated you and showed support. I wonder if the way you approached it didn’t work for him and make him understand. I’m glad you’re going to the GP, it’s a brave step. I wish you luck.

@andyjusthangingaround I wanted to be able to discuss what happened and speak to him about what he remembers. My memory is clouded due to the GA and I had sepsis which made me delirious in its late stages. But the conversation was shut down before I got to that point.

@Pinkflipflop85 I’ve asked him about how he felt after it (although this was nearer the time) and what it was like waiting in that room but he’s not really overly emotional and said once he know we were both okay it was fine. I have considered there could be something there but I don’t think there is. I could be wrong of course.

We have the option of an additional debrief too which I will arrange once I feel like I would be alright in it. They have also offered us consultant led pregnancies if we decide to have more children. At this stage I can’t imagine I would.

@egghead68 I’ve read loads about EMDR and studied it briefly when I was in college! I’ll explore the options in my area but don’t think they have anything like that anywhere nearby.