Don't want to upset friend over children

[MaeveDidIt]

A friend of mine has got cancer and has had a horrendous time over the past six months.

My DS has become very good friends with a boy, who my poorly friend thoroughly dislikes due to him not getting on with her DS and causing a lot of upset.

My personal view is there is a severe personality clash between both of them.

Poorly friends DS is very small in stature, and whinds him up. Ds's friend is bigger and has reacted physically.

It didn't help matters that the boy's mother refused to meet up and try and sort it out with poorly friend.

It also got quite nasty between their younger siblings, who commented with things such as your mummy's got cancer and you'll be without a mummy etc.

Please note my DS has NOT got involved in the above whatsoever.

Very grateful for your opinion:

YABU = Try to stop my DS being friends with Bad Boy.
YANBU = Let my DS be friends with Bad Boy.

Are they 5 or 15? I think if they're teenagers and things have turned nasty it's a very different case to reception kids bickering. Though your son needing to stay away from 'badboy' may be a bit of an over reaction.

Saying that, my teen dd had an awful time with an absolute horror of a girl
In her year - I'd feel pretty upset if my bff's daughter suddenly became really pally with her.

I think the cancer is irrelevant in it all tbh.

How old are they?

All 13 year olds

Keep well out of it, but make sure your DS knows to stick up for anyone he feels is being unfairly treated. Hope your friend makes a full and fast recovery.

They are older than I thought they would be.

Saying stuff like that about the child losing their mother disgusting, he knows exactly what he was saying and it's horrible.

I'm not sure what I would do. I don't know if you can do that much at that age however I wouldn't be having him in my house.

Where were the issue taking place? If in school the Mum was absolutely right not to meet your friend to talk about it.

I would talk to your son about giving people chance but making the right choices when it come to how people treat others.

Thanks to everyone - I really appreciate your comments and advice.

@WhenISnappedAndFarted
It was 'bad' boy's younger sibling who is a 6 year old that came out with that terrible comment 😥

@Selfsettling3 - that's a valid point - the issues have all been at school.

WIthout sounding big-headed or conceited, I'm quite proud of my DS in terms of treating others with kindness and respect. He is naturally empathetic and in this particular situation, he can see fault on both their sides.

Let your son play with him . Your friend's dislike is irrelevant.

Bad boy?? For retaliating to someone bullying winding him up.
Let them be friends and stay out of it. Your friends illness is irrelevant here.

You can’t stop your son having a friend because the friend doesn’t get on with your friend’s DS. Why should your son have to give a shit about your friend’s DS? It’s YOUR friend, it’s not your son’s problem. Is your DS even friends with your friend’s DS?

I don't think you should discourage your ds from being friends with this kid just because your friend's son doesn't like him. Regardless of the cancer, which is obviously awful, someone else's view of this boy is not your son's issue.

However, this kid and his family sound quite unpleasant - the physical retaliation, the younger sibling's nasty comments. On that basis, I think I'd be inclined to discourage the friendship anyway.

Please correct me if I've got this wrong
So 1 boy antagonized another larger boy until the larger boy reacted physically. Then the mum of the antagonist wants to sort it out with other mum who (very reasonably) refused. Then younger siblings got involved,
This doesn't make the larger boy "bad " nor should any of this prevent your son from being friends with the larger boy nor should you be getting involved in anyway.
Does the smaller boy often verbally bully other children or just the larger boy?