People who force an argument then play the victim!

[CalliopeCat]

Called into my Mam's today after I'd been out running. I'll admit, I was a bit sweaty but the only place I was going after was home and in the shower. I only called in to drop her bank card off because she'd accidently left it at mine.

The comments started-

"That top is a bit sweaty." (Me) "I know, I'll change it when I get home."
"Why don't you go upstairs and get a clean top?" (Me) "It can wait until I go home."

Her comments continued- I walked away from her. She followed me. I headed to leave, she followed me, still having little digs disguised as 'helpful' comments. After maybe twelve times of being told I stink and asking her to stop (I even said to her, are you trying to have an argument?) I lost my temper, shouted at her and walked out.

I should have left sooner but was talking to my auntie who was also there.

Got home and had a message waiting for me that I've really upset my mam and I need to phone and say sorry. I will, just to keep the peace, but aibu in thinking if you're going to goad someone into an argument you have to bear the consequences?!

Say I will apologise when you apologise for how you treated me

I wouldn’t apologise, tell her you asked repeatedly to leave you alone and she continued to goad you. Sounds like she likes winding you up.

Thank her for reminding you why you left home...

I wouldn’t apologise, you have nothing to apologise for!

I would make a habit from now on of just leaving when she tries to wind you up. Very calmly, not in a huff just say you don't like the way she's talking o you so you'll have a chat a different time then leave.

You didn't leave quickly enough, sometimes it's inevitable what's coming and it's better to walk or run away.Well done on getting out running so early.

YANBU.

Some people seem to enjoy being offended. Your mam sounds like one of them.

I presume the message was from your aunt? I would message her back and remind her that you are an adult and the days of being told how to behave by your auntie ended when you stopped needing a babysitter.

Sounds like she should be apologising to you tbh.

I wouldn’t be apologising. You have nothing to apologise for.

I hear you OP, my mum is difficult but has no idea (or claims to) not realise she's being difficult, I frequently get told I need to apologise for upsetting my mum like I'm 12 years old and I've had enough. I cant talk to her about anything she says or does as she turns on the waterworks and I'm the bad guy. Not helpful advice, just I can empathise.

Who called to tell you this? Surely you responded with ‘She upset me first’?

I hate it when people do this Have experience of it in my own family.

Don’t be so silly, you can only apologise when you’ve done something actually wrong. You were goaded into snapping. Let her take responsibility for that.

Sorry you felt the need to have a go at me when I was doing you a favour and was heading home to clean up anyway. Sorry I walked out and didn't let you have a go at me for longer.
Is that what she wants?!

My auntie left the message. I have quite a difficult relationship with my mam and her enjoying playing the victim is part of the reason why.

So stop that now OP. Do not dignity the whole episode with a response, let alone an apology. Let them indulge in their own little drama.