...to ask what I should do next

[RoseyPeas]

I've been a SAHM for a few years but my children are now in school full time and I'm realising that I'm in a bit of a rut.

Gradually, without me noticing, my world has shrunk because:
(in no particular order)

I have given up volunteering as I felt I was being taken for granted.

My mum friends now all have jobs. I'm in a small town with very little going on after dark, we're about 40 mins from bigger town.

I don't think I'm depressed - I see plenty of people to chat to while walking dog a couple of times a day, but don't know well enough to go for a night out with.

I'm 4 stone overweight and have (unrelated) health problems which would make a very active hobby difficult.

My house is a "project" - old, quite tatty but not squalid. But I often feel overwhelmed by tackling diy and the overgrown garden.

So MN - what should I focus my efforts on FIRST to make me feel happier?

Weight?
Social life?
Finding part time work I enjoy?
DIY/garden?

My DP would be supportive of any of these.

Or should I just spend my days lurking on MN ?

I'd really appreciate any ideas, thanks.

Which one comes to the forefront of your mind first when you think you're unhappy?

I'd say your answer is there on what would make you happier first. Everyone is different.

Can you choose two (I'd go diy and social) and break them into chunks so they seem manageable? Eg choose a project and do something towards it everyday so that you can see progress?
Or maybe join slimming world to address weight and social life together?

Job

Personally I would look for a job I enjoy and while I was job hunting I would make some small changes to my diet and tackle the garden, fresh air and gardening are a great way to get gentle exercise which should also help the weight then you are doing a little bit of everything without getting overwhelmed by one thing. But I'm not one of them people who came throw my all at one thing.

Weight is the thing that I had spent most time worrying about over the years.

I'm dieting at the moment and I have realized how much pleasure I get from food. And I'm now thinking about how to get those same good feelings from other things.

Finding meaningful work is also something that I have spent many hours thinking about.
Thanks for reply.

Job
Social life
Weight
DIY

Ok, seems that most of you are saying do more than one at a time - actually maybe that's a better idea, so that I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket.

The old saying goes- if you want something done...ask a busy person!
I’d say you’re very overwhelmed by somewhat mundane tasks because you aren’t doing much.
If I was you - I would start to make a change on things in your immediate environment. Baby steps - start on an area of the garden then move on.
People who fail or don’t complete tasks look at the big picture and become overwhelmed... break it down into manageable chunks.

Spend an hour on each every day, ie one hour job hunting, one hour meal planning /shopping/ prepping; one hour looking up social events attending clubs etc and one hour on a diy thing. One will take over the others or they'll all fall into an order but that's ok

Ok, seems that most of you are saying do more than one at a time - actually maybe that's a better idea, so that I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket.

I think that’s the way to go. It can feel less overwhelming.

For example, could you designate one room in your house for storage (at least for now), moving all the excess stuff we all tend to accumulate into said room so that you could work on getting one of the others exactly how you want it? That could feel more manageable than tackling the whole house as a project.

You may not need to pay much attention to your weight if you start getting on with the other bits which will get you active. I lost about half a stone just from redecorating a couple of rooms.

@Beerincomechampagnetastes
That's a fair comment - I'm not doing much and feeling paralyzed. In the past I have been the busy person who gets loads done, so this isn't like me. I was incredibly busy in December and made a lot of progress in the house, but now I can't seem to keep motivated without having inviting visitors!

I would describe myself as looking at the bigger picture, not being bogged down by details and I can see now that this might not be helpful. Thanks for comment, very useful.

@PolPotNoodle result!

So I'd say weight first - which you're tackling.

Then being busy. Much easier not to over enjoy food when other things are giving you the same buzz.

Maybe write an achievable weekly list? 1 thing each day and some sort of reward (not food!) for achieving it. £1 in a savings money box maybe?

Get into a positive mindset and feel positive about what you're doing rather than focusing on what you're not.

It could be 30 minutes gardening.
Chatting to a school mum for 5 minutes. Even if just to comment on weather at first!
Making a healthy soup and not having butter with the bread.
Walking an extra 500m. Or doing your walk at a quicker pace?
Sign up to a course during day? What do local community centres have? Great way to learn a skill for a job, practice meeting people, getting out and not being at home eating!

I think what you need to realise is you are doing something by recognising and acting on how you feel. Just don't set yourself up to fail with unrealistic targets.

Good luck

I'm thinking that the job could go on the back burner for a bit.

I was imagining that I would get something fulfilling and I'd make good friends and that it would fit into the school day . Seems unlikely.

Latest plan - I'm going to invite some dog walkers round for coffee in a couple of weeks time. This will give me motivation to tart up kitchen a bit, and hopefully lose.a.couple.of.pounds while doing it.

Glad I posted - it's definitely given me some clarity about unrealistic expectations of work filling thee hole.in my life.

@itsgettingweird
I like your idea of 1 achievable thing a day and a.cash reward. I'm going to do that!

I want to vote garden first. It doesn't rely on other people and you'll reap the benefits for months or yrs to come. The confidence you get from sorting the garden can boost your confidence to tackle other things.

How about sorting the garden so you can grow some vegetables? That gets you out, it's physical effort, you'll be able to see the results and then have something ongoing that ties into something you really like (good food).

Definetly do the garden. It's a brilliant time of year to get it sorted ready for spring planting. You will feel better for doing something healthy, being outside, achieving something your dcs can enjoy come spring/summer.

At the same time focus on your health, not your weight. I have been going on a diet in January for as long as I can remember. This year I am focusing on trying to eat 7 portions of fruit and veg a day. To fit it in i have to have either salad or homemade veg soup for lunch and then a good couple of portions with dinner. Trying to cut down on alcohol as well. Hopefully shed a good few kgs while I am getting healthier.

Don't try and change your world overnight. It didn't shrink overnight. Have a short term goal (garden) and a long term goal (health). Hit those then look for something else to improve.

Weight

In a similar situation (although I have a young baby still, as well as 2 school aged children), I am doing... weight, social and house at the same time, followed by a job! I figured weight and social almost go hand in hand as part of losing weight means I’m going to join some classes. I have plenty of friends nearby but all with young children/busy jobs etc so limited socialising time in the evenings, so I figured going to fitness classes in the evening is the next best thing. House I will also tackle bit by bit along the way. Hopefully in the second half of the year I’ll have some confidence back to start job hunting.