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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Annoyed with music teacher (warning - petty!)

33 replies

ItalianinLondon · 12/01/2020 13:14

DD learns recorder in a group at school. She is really keen and plays a lot at home, loves her lessons, etc. (Our upstairs neighbour is less keen!)

They usually don't have a lesson first week back, so we hadn't packed her music stuff. But the teacher turned up on Wednesday and sent DD home with a note saying that she wasn't allowed to attend the lesson because she didn't have her stuff. I thought the note was a bit snotty - given that the music service had said lessons don't start till next week, how were we to know? ("Please do ensure that DD has her music things with her as it is very disruptive to the group if she is unprepared.") I also think it's kind of unfair because there are loads of spare recorders at the school and she could have shared another kid's book.

I'm tempted to write a note back to teacher and say that we weren't told about lessons starting and that it's a pity DD had to miss the lesson. But I'm also aware that it has been a tough week... and I'm probably deflecting my annoyance about other things onto this...very first world problem. Yes, I should get a life, I know!

To write note or not to write note?

OP posts:
AlaskaElfForGin · 12/01/2020 13:17

Had you actually been told that lessons didn't start til this week or were you assuming based on what's happened previously? If it's the former, then I would imagine that no one else would have had their equipment either?

NeedAnExpert · 12/01/2020 13:20

I hear you, OP. Signed my 9 year old up to school lessons for an instrument before Xmas. We already had the instrument as I played it years ago. Asked the music service to tell me when her lesson would be so that she could take the instrument in. They never replied or answered the phone.

DD took it into school every day this week but was never called. Her classmates had their lessons on Tuesday. When I got hold of the music service on Thursday they confirmed they had “forgotten” DD because she hadn’t hired one of their instruments. Twats.

Original poster
ItalianinLondon · 12/01/2020 13:21

Hmm, neither, if that makes any sense! The lessons are provided by the borough music service and on the invoice it says that lessons begin w/c 13/1. They never start back 1st week, presumably because payments are still being processed etc.

OP posts:
recrudescence · 12/01/2020 13:22

No need to beat yourself up for starting a petty thread about one of your child’s teachers: Mumsnet loves them.

Original poster
ItalianinLondon · 12/01/2020 13:22

@NeedAnExpert that's annoying! And I bet she was excited for her first lesson too.

OP posts:
Original poster
ItalianinLondon · 12/01/2020 13:24

I think a lot of the kids probably have their music stuff in their bags every day - probably we should do this too, but DD practises it every day (unbidden!) and we don't have the habit of popping it into her bag every morning... my bad, I guess.

OP posts:
Pipandmum · 12/01/2020 13:27

I would definitely call or write and say according to the the published schedule there were no lessons that week. I have found some teachers tell off the children for things that are no fault of their own: shouting at a five year old they are late to tennis lesson when obviously it is the adult bringing them that is late for example. It is not your childs fault they had a lesson when it was not scheduled.
Hopefully the teacher did not make your child feel bad but I bet they did.

Patchworksack · 12/01/2020 13:28

I'd point out you were going on information issued on their invoice, and also it's pretty petty to make her miss a lesson you have paid for if a spare instrument is available. They should reserve snotty notes for repeat offenders. Ask for a refund since it's their mistake.

AlaskaElfForGin · 12/01/2020 13:28

@recrudescence I think that note was a bit snotty, don't you?

NeedAnExpert · 12/01/2020 13:29

I think a lot of the kids probably have their music stuff in their bags every day

That works with recorders. Less so with cellos. Grin

Funkyslippers · 12/01/2020 13:31

I wonder how the other kids/parents knew that there was a lesson? Do they borrow the school's recorders whereas your DD has one of her own so they didn't offer her one when she didn't have hers?

DisorganisedOrganiser · 12/01/2020 13:31

That’s awful! Kids forget their music stuff all the time at my DC’s school. They just borrow the spare instruments. Same for a language club they need books for. No drama. Plus it doesn’t even sound as if you were in the wrong.

Funkyslippers · 12/01/2020 13:31

PS I would definitely be contacting the teacher so this doesn't happen again in future so YANBU

Original poster
ItalianinLondon · 12/01/2020 13:32

Ha, very true!

DD is quite happy-go-lucky so she didn't seem to bothered about being "blamed", but she was upset that she missed the new music the other kids started.

I was pissed off about the note, and the whole thing just seemed petty considering the teacher could've just chucked her a spare instrument and let her join in.

OP posts:
Original poster
ItalianinLondon · 12/01/2020 13:34

DD says the two kids who she learns with have their music things in their bag each day. Other DD says none of the kids in her class had their recorder stuff and they didn't have lessons.

OP posts:
AlaskaElfForGin · 12/01/2020 13:36

I was pissed off about the note, and the whole thing just seemed petty considering the teacher could've just chucked her a spare instrument and let her join in.

That's what should have happened.

I'm a teacher (not music) and often have to put notes in diaries/planners etc. I always make sure they're polite!

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 12/01/2020 13:36

Dear Borough music service,

Please do ensure that parents are told the correct date of music lessons so all pupils can have their music things with them, as it is very disruptive to the pupils if they are unprepared.

Yours sarcastically,
.....

Original poster
ItalianinLondon · 12/01/2020 13:38

Haha, I love it! But I fear it would not end well...

OP posts:
Original poster
ItalianinLondon · 12/01/2020 13:59

To be honest, I'm less annoyed about the value of the missed lesson (about £6.60!) than the fact the DD wasn't allowed to join in.

OP posts:
Equanimitas · 12/01/2020 14:42

Write to her, copying it to the Music Service, with a copy of the notice about when lessons start and suggest that she directs her complaints to her employers. Ask also why she didn't use one of the spare instruments. Separately write to the Music Service asking them to confirm that you will be credited with the money wasted.

Original poster
ItalianinLondon · 12/01/2020 15:00

Hmm, it's tricky! While I don't want to make the situation awkward (especially for DD) I do kind of want to make the point.
Teacher is already less than thrilled with us because at the end of last term she said she wants the kids in DD's group to do their Grade 1 exam this term. I'm totally happy for DD to learn the exam material and prepare with the group, but she really didn't want to take an exam and I wasn't inclined to force her - I don't think exams should be all important at her age and she's motivated anyway. Also, I might misunderstand this, but I don't think it's the case that you can't do a Grade 2 exam in the future for instance, if you haven't taken Grade 1? But the teacher was a bit annoyed about it.

OP posts:
BluebirdHill · 12/01/2020 15:05

Yes, you can start higher up the grades, as my DS did. But you should also be able to say your child doesn't want to do the exams. I would take it up with them. You've done nothing wrong.

Ionacat · 12/01/2020 15:10

I work for a music service and communication is an issue! My parents had an email before the holidays saying lessons were starting back on x date. I then followed this up with another one two days before the lesson with a reminder and then still pupils forgot and said they didn’t know. Despite the timetable on the board and two emails. It was my fault apparently in one case!! This also matched our website.
However if the music service says lessons begin the week beginning and they actually started the week before either you missed a communication, the school forgot to pass it on or the teacher forget to let everyone know that they were starting a week early. I would send a polite email to the music service or the teacher asking to clarify the situation and also what happens if the pupils do forget their instrument. Woodwind is harder than say piano due to hygiene reasons as you can’t just pass them a random recorder without cleaning it first. However I would still expect her to attend the lesson - clapping the rhythms, collecting new music and even just practising the fingering without a mouthpiece. As I send lots of bulk emails bcced my emails do end up in spam and the first thing I tell new pupil parents is to make sure they check their spam folder and unmark my emails as spam.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 12/01/2020 15:10

Point out their mistake and make it clear any ‘disruption’ was down to that mistake. If you get a sniff of this teacher taking it out on your child, complain again.

IamTheAntiChrist · 12/01/2020 15:13

You're right, it is petty.

On an even pettier note, the correct plural of 'cello' is 'celli'.

HTH.

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