How to call in favours?

[gallgal]

I am having abdominal surgery soon (gallbladder out), hopefully within the next six weeks.

I've been unwell for a long time, so DH and I have decided to pay privately for the surgery to get it done sooner.

The issue we have is that we have two small children, 5 years and 18 months, and I am the only driver in our family (husband can't drive for medical reasons). The 5 year old is autistic and attends special school FT. He is driven there. The toddler goes to childminder 2 days a week. She could be walked there.

I won't be able to lift anything, or drive, for at least two weeks. So school pickups and things like bedtimes are going to be impossible if I do them solo. DH is freelance and is going to try to be around as much as possible but there may be times when he has to go to work (an hour commute away) during the recovery process.

We don't live near any of our immediate family. There are grandparents on both sides but they both live over 3 hours drive away. Neither set works. Neither set have any significant health issues. What would be amazing would be for either (or both) sets to help us out for a couple of days. But we have never asked either set to help us out before, and I feel very awkward about asking.

AIBU to just ask outright 'Could you come down and help us for a few days around X date?' Is this cheeky fuckery? I can't decide. I am not used to asking for help!

Absolutely ask! It's not CFery at all, you genuinely need help. Hopefully they'll be able to help out.

Yes, just ask. Good luck OP.

They’re your parents, of course you should just ask. You aren’t asking them to do full solo childcare for days at a time, just help you out a bit. Unless there’s a backstory of why they might be unwilling, I can’t see anything to feel awkward about.

I guess the backstory is that neither of them have ever offered any sort of help or childcare before. Even when we've been clearly struggling. So I feel like there must be some reluctance there, possibly because of DC's SEN.

Uber if you have it or taxi if you don't?
Better than having family that you are not also too staying with you?

Ask! I found recovery from having my gallbladder out far worse than recovery from my c-section. Take all the painkillers you can and get ready meals or batch cook and freeze beforehand.

I don't think it's cheeky to ask grandparents, just try not to be offended if they refuse (hard, I know).

Ask for help if you need it.

Two weeks sounds like a long time - is that a worst case scenario? I was back at work after a week and absolutely fine to drive by then. It was key hole removal though.

It would be CFery to assume they will be there to help but it is absolutely not CFery to ask if they are able to help. Be very clear about what the situation will be and what you are asking for, e.g. "It would be helpful if you could come to stay for four days, to cover school drop off/pick up and help at bedtime, but of course, DH will be around for much of the time to do the normal housework and meals." Or whatever.

Pegasus, I think you were very lucky with your recovery! Took me weeks, and I'm otherwise very fit and well. 2 weeks until driving etc sounds reasonable, if not longer.

But hopefully OP you'll be like Pegasus :)

Good luck with asking for help OP. I'm having a major op soon and am normally an active granny. One afternoon a week is proving hard for my daughter to cover, she has to work and her DH can't have that time off, so they touched on it with the in laws who are also retired. Basically they said a big fat NO! When I'm in hospital my DH and my friend are going to manage the key days. I don't understand them.

I think you are overestimating how bad recovery is - I was able to move around & do light jobs after a day or so, driving and almost back to normal after a week. Definitely ask people for help, but you won’t be incapacitated by any means.