Being critical...can you advise me please

[shaggycarpet]

My husband left me some months ago. Told
Me that it was because of f who I was .. nagging, he couldn't do anything right, expected the worst of him ... amd he is not wrong. To cut a long story short, he was a lazy disinterested procrastinating man child who had little interest on our kids or our marriage.out of the house up
To 14 hours per day ' working' anything
To avoid family responsibilities. He was always available for nights out or his hobbies . He would not help me in or outside the house, put everything on the long finger and then when he finally did do the job, he would either fuck it up or leave it unfinished . He would not allow anyone else to do it though.
I regularly lost the cool. I was lonely , unsupported , stressed out of my mind( also work
Full time) and literally did it all. I was a nag. I was critical. I did expect the worst of him because time and time again, he let us down.
So he said goodbye and then I heard he has a new girlfriend , straight away.
I have spent months beating myself up as o believed it was my fault.
However I am
Finding it hard to break the habit of being critical . I want to see the good and the positives but am so used to being let down, I almost expect it .
Please advise me
On how to break the cycle . I don't want
This to damage my relationships with my family and friends . I get counselling but have no addresses this yet as she feels that I am still in trauma mode but not depressed .
Thanks everybody .

Anybody please?

Are you hyper critical with everyone or was it just him (justified)?

I’m working on this as well. Basically I think the answer is to think hard to find something positive to say.

I do feel fake only saying positive stuff even if the positive stuff is true. So I also allow myself to say negative stuff if I turn it into a joke. Not negative stuff about people but about things / places / happenings etc.

Ie the food at the hotel was awful, which was great for my diet.

Would you consider CBT? It is possible to change your thinking habits, you plan how to do it and then practice so you have some ready made phrases when its the real thing.

I start by showing a big STOP sign and say the word 'Stop' in my mind. Then take a breath and count to 3 before saying anything. Then if I still need to speak, try to say it in a positive way, but that really does take some practice if you're used to feeling negative.

Thanks . I was critical of him which was genuinely justified. My counsellor believes that he was controlling.i fond myself being critical with my
Kids sometimes so for example they are ten and twelve and even if they've done
Something lovely, I get upset with them
If they've left the place in a complete
Mess or if they won't do what they're asked after the tenth time. I am Grieving for sure and I'm sad and angry sometimes. I feel like I take it out on them.

You actually sound completely tired and exhausted. You said in your op that your husband had effectively checked out of family life a so you've been unsupported for a long time. When was the last time you had a rest? I mean a proper rest to switch off not worry about the kids, household chores paying bills etc.

Keep at the forefront he is lazy and procrastinating and you are much better off without him.
You absolutely are. You're just a tad lonesome sometimes. Keep busy !

I really am exhausted. I will have a break next weekend where I can sleep late and have a bath and read . We are only on our own one month and of course the sadness of Christmas and
New year have taken their toll.
I want to be a wonderful happy mother but right now I'm angry and hormonal.
I will talk to
My counsellor about cbt too. I am
Not Critical with or to anyone else.