Upset that DD2 so attached to DH

[Winston]

OK, just wanted your guys advice really. DH and I have 2 gorgeous DD's. DD1 will happily come to myself or DH if she needs anything and doesnt cling on to either of us. However, DD2 doesnt want any attention apart from DH. She screams every day he leaves for work and wont let me console her. When she hurts herself she looks to him amd if he's not there doesnt want to know me. Its getting worse as she is getting older. At first we laughed it off but now I am getting really upset. We had a family BBQ the other day and she clung to DH the whole time. Several times he just left her to it and when he tried to walk away she would scream. He ignored her thinking she would have no choice but to come to me but she practically pushed me out the way and went running to my mum instead! I was mortified! We then went to the beach and when DH took DD1 off to paddle in the sea leaving me with DD2 she screamed again and I had everyone staring at me and I felt like was looking after someone elses child, again totally mortified. DH had to come back and get her to give the rest of the people on the beach peace!
I just feel so down about it and have no clue how to deal with it. DH doing his best to distance himself from her but then that makes me sad we have to do that. I have put her in nursery one morning a week to get her used to other people but to be honest it seems her issue is with me and I have no idea why. I have never treated her any differently from my DD1. I have suffered from PND since having her but feel that hasnt effected how I am with either girls and like I said I havent treated her any differently because of how I feel. I really dont know what to do and am struggling to cope with it all. Any advice from anyone would be gratefully received befoe I go crazy.

Sorry for long post but I just dont feel comfortable talking to friends and family about it as they just brush it off as 'Daddies girl'.

Sorry you are feeling like this. How old is your youngest? My DD (now 2.6) has been like this for most of her life. I think it's because she's with me more than her Daddy as he works full time. I have no real suggestions as to what to do - just keep giving her lots of love and attention. If she is very young, she will probably grow out of it as she becomes more independent. Sending lots of love your way as this is obviously upsetting you a lot. xx

i only have one DS but he is a definite daddy fan
this morning DH went for a shower - cue lip trembling and tears from DS
makes me feel a bit rubbish, but equally i think there will be a time when DS "wants" me more IYSWIM

have you spoken to your DH about this?

I know how you feel. Ds goes through patches of wanting dh only and then wanting only me and I think it is a bit hurtful for whichever of us is not the "favoured" one at the time because you feel rejected. I am sure it is just a phase - how long has it been going on?

I have experience of this on both sides of the coin, so to speak. I was a huge daddy's girl and it caused a lot of resentment on my mothers part and I think children do pick up on this and use it to their advantage.
My own dd is a daddy's girl and I think because of the past situation with my mum, it has not really bothered me. I've just let it ride over me, you can't control who kids favour and the less you react, the better. Ironically now dd is nearing school age, she much prefers me but, I expect this will change again at some point.
I know this isn't really advice but I just wanted to give you perspective from both sides.

Thank god i'm not alone. DD is 18mths and its being going on for as long as I can remember but just getting worse the older she gets. Rubyslippers, yes have spoken to DH about this and he is understanding and can see how upsetting it is. He does his best to try and ignore her when she's screaming for him but sometimes, especially when your in a public place, he goes to her to keep her quiet. I am wondering if when DD1 starts school next week (another thing to worry about!)I will spend more time alone with her and perhaps she will bond with me more, fingers crossed.
I just always believed my children would want to turn to me when they are hurt or upset or when they just want a cuddle but I guess thats not the case here. Thanks for listening guys.

Winston, my ds is exactly the same with my dh.
I think he has novelty value because he goes out to work
I try to be quite nonchalant about the fact that he prefers dh but it does hurt me dreadfully (some days more than others)
The more I want to kiss and cuddle him the more he doesn't like it. My dh on the other hand never asks for kisses! There must be a lesson there??
Anyway, I assure you, you are not alone. Bit shitty though isn't it????
xx

I saw a situation like this on House of Tiny Tearaways. IIRC, Tanya Byron made the dad show lots of affection to the mum, especially when the child was screaming because she wanted daddy and not mummy, and the dad had to ignore the child at these moments and just pay lots of nice attention to the mum. Maybe this might help?

It might even be better if he just gives her what she wants? Rather than ignoring her in the hopes she'll turn to you, he could just go with it. She may change all the quicker if she feels secure that she can always get attention from dad, pretty much all the time he's there. She may then find it easier to come away of her own accord.

i always think with issues like this, just give the child what they're asking for; they won't be the same forever, they change too fast for that!

She could possibly be fixating on attention from dad BECAUSE she can't always get it? It's a compliment to your hard graft that she sees you as always there, she doesn't need to go after your attention.

I promise you that she will come to you sometime - she won't always be like this.

Stressteddy, it is shitty and like you, the more I want to kiss and cuddle her the more she pushes me away. HonoriaG, thanks for bit bout hard graft as never really saw it like that but guess always being here for her she will feel secure and think she can come to me any time. I just have to wait and not keep on to her. Will definatley try the tip about DH paying me attention when she kicks off, thanks for that fluffyA, will be interesting to see how she reacts. Am so grateful to you chaps for advice and listening. Its not the end of the world and things could be far far worse but sometimes things get us down and its good to share with others.

I think HG is right, Winston - if your dh deliberately ignores her and withholds affection she'll just be even more desperate for his attention.

She'll also become a very sad and confused little girl.

I do sympathize, it must be very very hard for you to be rejected like that, but it won't go on forever.

My ds2 is the opposite. It is me that he clings to and it does upset DH. He has got better over the last 6 months (he is 2.5 now) but the clingy-ness certainly peaked at between 18 and 24 months. I hope it gets easier soon.

HG and pania make good points. If you feel rejected as an adult who can rationalise the situation, imagine how she must feel as an infant who is ignored by her dad. Inclined to agree that might be the way to go. When ds is daddy-orientated, he tends to come to me when he has had his fill of dh and vice-versa so that would definitely be worth a go.

It is worth a go and it makes sense what you say about feeling rejected making it worse. When DH home later will have to put plan in to place and see how she gets on. Am hoping she grows out of it and am sure she will, we just need to get through this stage. Thank you so much for your help.xx