Possibly pregnant and I don't know what to do

[Tinkersaur]

I mostly just posting this for traffic and a hand hold.
I feel like an idiot, early 30's and possibly another unplanned pregnancy.
Ok we have 2 kids (3 and 18 months) and we both agreed to stop at 2 as their sleep is horrendous; we both said neither of us could survive adding a 3rd non sleeping baby/toddler into the mix. We even planned our 2nd earlier so that we could get all of the sleepless nights over with as quickly as possible. We've been using condoms to prevent any pregnancies until my partner can make a doctors appointment to discuss a vasectomy.
I was due on my period on Thursday and nothing - no signs, not even any cramps, hormone changes, nothing. So took a test this morning and there's 2 lines (I want some one to jump out and tell me I'm wrong or that tests are so unrealible).
We've talked about a 3rd before, yes it would be hard financially, emotionally etc but not impossible, we'd make it work. However we both said we'd prefer not to have a 3rd.

From previous conversations I know my partner would support me whatever I choose to do but honestly I just dont know. A 3rd would be hard but I don't know if I could terminate, I always believed that's a line I would never cross but a 3rd would make life so much harder for everyone - our eldest already has additional needs and he struggled so much adapting to his sister's arrival. Is it fair to our little family to make their life harder adding a 3rd (I know a 3rd would still bring joy and smiles too).

I know I need to talk to my partner ( He's currently just finished nightshft this morning so won't be awake until later)
I know I need to make an appointment with the doctor to confirm (earliest I could ring GP is Monday and that's if they answer the phone and give me an appointment ASAP).

So I guess I'm really just asking could 3 kids work? Or how to make that decision to terminate? But mostly could I handle the the guilt regardless of my decision?

Someone please tell me in my sleep deprived state that the test is wrong and I'm worrying for no reason

That's deff a positive. I'm sorry you're going through this, I also got pregnant while using a condom, which did split but then used the MAP. I had a termination but my circumstances were abit different, was 23, childless and about to make a big move but my ultimate deciding factor was, I didnt want a child. I guess you just have to talk to your partner and see how you both feel. there's no wrong answer. If you want to talk about terminations etc then just sent a message x

Sorry, that test is very positive. You don't confirm at doctor's not if you are in UK, the tests are as accurate as theirs. If you chose to continue then you contact the community midwife.

3 kids can work for some, even with your circumstances but no one can answer for you. I'd discuss with your partner but have on mind how you feel about a termination first. It's your body and ultimately the choice is yours.

How do you feel about termination? One of my friend's decided on abortion after realizing that if you miscarried she would feel relief. Another continued her pregnancy after having a bleed scare and realizing.

Sorry you're going through this, it does look positive I agree. You just need to take time and try not to freak out. In the circumstances you, describe, this is not the worst thing that could happen.

Go one step at a time, as you outline above, talk to your partner, get a gp appointment, and weigh up your options. You have time to make this decision.

For what it's worth, I have bad sleepers too, so I know the hell of sleep deprivation and how difficult it makes the smallest decision. But you can do this.

I'm sorry you're in this position it's a really tough place to be.

I think searching for the "right" answer is perhaps a wild goose chase as there isn't one as such. There are no clear right or wrong options, that's what makes it so tough. There are two options, neither of which you would have chosen but both you can, potentially, manage to live with.

Personally I have both terminated unwanted pregnancy and also kept a later, unplanned one. The termination did affect my mental state for a long time, but for me, in those circumstances, it was the least bad option.

FWIW the GP will use the same pregnancy tests as the internet cheapies. You don't need to go to the doctor to confirm.

Thank you, I'm crying just because no one has called me an idiot for being in this position (irrational and hormonal I know).

We have plans to take the eldest out today anyway (some much needed 1 to 1 time with him).
We will discuss this but I think right now I need to pull myself together concentrate on having fun today and we need to have a hard discussion later ( a couple of days to make a decision shouldn't hurt either way).

Thank you again, honestly it's not the result I was either hoping for or would have chosen but we'll deal with it.

Regarding the doctors I don't know the procedure anymore as they didn't confirm with my first (sent me straight to the midwife) but my second they wanted to do their own test.

I'm currently in the same position as you OP but now 28 weeks preg with unplanned baby no 3 after deciding to continue on. I have a 4 and 2 year old. Oh and I always talked about 3/4 kids then the reality of 2 non sleeping kids and extended breastfeeding really changed things.

Had totally got my head around having 2 girls and never having a son and was so happy with our little family unit then surprise baby came along (thanks failing contraception!). I was totally devastated and was really upset that my options were have a 3rd baby we couldnt really afford/have space/time for or to abort which would really mentally affect me.

No advice OP but just to say you arent alone and it happens sometimes and not to ever feel stupid. I was on the pill; we both had a horrific d&v bug that lasted 24 hours and left us feeling crap for a week... after the puking/shitting part was over OH said it might take our mind off feeling crap and give us temporary relief so we had some lazy feel better sex and this baby was the result! I even took an extra pill as I know throwing up the pill can catch you out but it still happened so please dont feel stupid! Nature just finds a way sometimes.

My OH is 100% getting snipped!

Sorry to hear that you are struggling, OP. I obviously can't tell you what to do, but if I were in your position - I would terminate. You already have 2 children (with additional needs as you said), and also you found out quite early, so honestly I wouldn't get into an emotional drama over termination in this case. I 100% believe that people should have children when they want to have them, so if someone hesitates - it's better not to proceed. But that's my view, and you should do what feels right for you.