Godchildren and presents

[Mummyonline]

School friend and I are GOdparents to one another's children. Her son is 14 and my daughter is 13. I gave a generous present for his 14th bday and Xmas. My daughter received nothing on her bday and a free book at Xmas. Is there a weird thing that happens whereby you stop giving anything to Godchildren once they're teenagers?

I don't think so - my Goddaughters are 10 and 12 at the moment and I'm still buying them Birthday and Christmas presents; usually around £10-15 per gift. The younger one comes from a practicing Christian family (we are also practicing Christians), so I send her an Easter card and a Christianity themed Advent calendar, such as 'The Real Advent Calendar' (with pictures retelling the Christmas story behind the windows - she does also get a chocolate one from her parents!)

My daughters are also 10 and 12 and the efforts from their Godparents vary wildly! The 10 year old gets Christmas and Birthday presents from her Godmother (who posts them all the way from Australia and they're always on time - she's incredibly organised!) and usually just cards from her Godfather - although he will sometimes pop a tenner in the card, but he does spoil her when we see him. My 12 year old receives Birthday and Christmas cards and presents, as well as an Easter card and a similar Advent calendar to the one I send my Goddaughter from her Godmother. However, her Godfather never remembers to send a card or anything for her Birthday or Christmas and when we visit him and his family, he hides in his Study as soon as he's greeted us!

I suspect I will continue to do as I'm doing for my Goddaughters until they are 18, after which I think I'll just send Christmas and Birthday cards with a £10 Amazon voucher for each of them.

As a parent, my expectations of my daughters' Godparents would be that they at least remember their Birthdays (even if they forget to send a card, I think they should phone to wish a Happy Birthday instead) and send a Christmas card. As they get older, I hope that they will continue to have good relationships with them (well, at least 3 out of the 4!) and that the girls can talk to them if they feel they need a different adult to advise/listen to them.

In your case, although it is disappointing that your daughter's Godmother appears to have stopped giving her gifts, I wouldn't let it affect your relationship with your Godchild. I would continue to provide gifts for him until you see fit, rather than being influenced by what your friend has chosen to do - you both clearly have different expectations of what's required as a Godparent and neither of you is wrong.

Is your friend godparent to your child? I don't think there's any hard and fast rule.
Does your DD normally get gifts from this friend?

I do gifts up to age 18 for godchildren, then again for their 21st.

I think your post is lovely for the fact. You are practicing Christian's and Godparents. You have obviously got your children christened for the right reasons and not just for presents and a party, which seems the norm where I am.
I've been asked a few times to be a Godparent, but very nicely refused as at the time I was very anti-choice and neither of mine got Christened either. I have since got my beliefs back though.

Anti-church
Sorry about the full stops and capitals, fingers missing keys...

This is @BetsyBigNose

If she’s stopped because your DD is a teen then I think she should have discussed it as a mutual decision and told you not to buy for her son either. Is it possible money is tight so she couldn’t afford a gift this year? If this is the case then I would keep buying for your godson. Maybe next year send a text asking if you’re buying for each other’s children or not? Though as a godparent I would want to give gifts for special occasions. We are orthodox so it might be different but with our Godchildren we take them out for their birthday, you could take DD too and that way she’s not missing out?