To ask for career help changing my "type"

[howcanifinishstuff]

I’m stuck in a long term job rut. I’m good at what I do but haven’t progressed since kids. Ore children I progressed very quickly.

I just had my appraisal and raised my desire to progress or have a change but am being told my lack of completion skills and organisation are a concern
I have done some reading and I am a classic starter/ ideas / problem solver
I’m the polar opposite to my boss and feeling a bit (hugely actually) crap about myself. I help all my team members a lot and anyone who needs help comes to me because they know I will get stuff sorted or find them help.
I just need to work on finishing my own stuff.
Can I change. Have any of you changed and improved in this area?

My boss is that starter type; I'm a completion specialist apparently, and we are supposed to hate each other (ha!)

He spends a lot of time whittling the core task down (from what was requested) to the most reliable eg. simple version we can produce, and then quickly does it. So I've learnt that from him. Sensible.

Do you keep lists of projects you started?

1. You don’t need to change wholesale, just be able to flex the skills needed. Don’t think your default skill set is crap, it’s not (and try to ensure this is recognised by your boss), you just need to improve/demonstrate the other skills.
2. Are there small things you can do to improve completion? More time planning? Use of lists etc? Time management (I use timeboxing to manage my tasks more effectively-it reminds me what to do and allocates time to do it). I also adjusted a Word template planner to organise my to do list by client/project/other rather than in one mixed up list which I find easier to keep up to date.
3. Is there someone who is good at this stuff you can seek advice from informally?
4. I have a tendency to be bad at follow up particularly when I’ve worked out the answer I lack the motivation to detail it, so Where appropriate I now tend to give a quicker, less polished answer/write up so the task gets done.
5. I also sympathise with the lack of progress post-kids. I went part-time and it’s stalled my career hugely. After missing out on promotion again I’ve embraced it and am off on maternity leave for baby 3

My first thought on reading you OP is that no-one is a "type" in as rigid a way as some people (and management theories) would have you believe.

You will have strengths (you describe some in your OP) and weaknesses and you will have some limitations. But most skills (in this context) can be learned if required.

I have had a similar experience of finding my career stalling after children - I lost confidence and listened too much to other people's opinions on my strengths. It took me a good few years of personal work on my self-awateness and seeking out roles/projects to fill the gaps before I realised some peopl's opinion I had really trusted at the time was quite flawed by their own limitations.

I don't think the deficit model of feedback you have been given is particularly helpful and I would be wary of someone who seems to be projecting their own strengths as the ideal model for progression.

You have solid strengths that are very valuable. Build on your strengths and use them to challenge yourself.

Also - I imagine that very few men would allow someone else's assessment as not being good enough to influence when they went for promotion.

It sounds like you get walked over and you are expected to be cooperative and support the team AKA typical women's work Be selfish with your work and time.

Thank you all for your replies. I suit the business where I am because I get a lot of support stuff done and have a lot of experience. Newer staff have been given the new projects, precisely because they are new and maybe easier to start something in its starting phase but these are the more interesting projects
I have been walked over and lost so much confidence after the children and actually feel I’m more adept at juggling A LOT of stuff because of having the children. Felt guilty for not being there all hours any more.
I’ll take on some of these ideas and try to plan and will see if there are any TED talks or online courses to help me.

Problem is 'support stuff' is silent work, i.e. everyone takes advantage but no one of note actually cares, they'll let you crack on with it because you do it well and there are no complaints, they then give you more and more of this grunt work. Meanwhile your new starters a getting projects that get them noticed and therefore more likely to get promoted etc. I'd say it's time to stand up, say no to the support work and carve out some more project leads.

Simple question- do you take on work and not finish it? If not why not? What’s distracting you. This is nothing to do with you being a woman or being walked over it’s a case of someone pointing out to you that you have an issue completing work.

I do need help in training myself to push things to faster conclusions. That was the basis of the thread. How can I change myself and improve my finishing? I have lots going on at once and some stuff lingers on.

I do need help in training myself to push things to faster conclusions. That was the basis of the thread. How can I change myself and improve my finishing? I have lots going on but some things take too long to compete. I am also given grunt work and feel set aside but I've perfectly demonstrated my failings on this thread, by side tracking myself talking about the wider issues of my dissatisfaction with work since children.
I need to get a grip and focus and need help on changing my wiring to help this

Don't know why that posted twice. I had a fail message.
I've just been doing a million things at once here and it occurred to me maybe this is not how people succeed. Putting kettle on and setting coffee machine up then doing pets stuff while it boils, then noticed dishwasher needs emptying to start that and then make myself stop as I realise I need to stop. Plan. Start again. I wonder if it can be re programmed ?

Agree with just focussing on one thing at a time. I think multitasking is a bit of a myth and only works if none of the things you are doing is complex. In my job I have to finish each task I start (or ensure someone else does). I find making lists helpful and not letting myself get distracted by trivial stuff that can wait.

You're right. I'm just so fed up and down on myself I'm seeing all my failings and they feel like a mountain to climb. I'm going to try the tools previous posters up thread have suggested and not multi task unless it's making a brew while toast is toasting. When I looked at the kitchen I'd left the scissors out from opening pet food bag and left the cleaning spray out. Minor things which can just add to being disorganised. I will try to set myself little tasks today to do and complete. I can't carry on feeling useless.

Try doing the Myers Briggs. www.16personalities.com/

Just done the MB. It's made me a bit tearful reading that I do have good qualities. I also get why I can annoy people too. Interesting stuff

You can't change your MB type as it reflects a dispositional personality, it is also an awful measure so take it with a pinch of salt

My first post after being a long time MN lurker but I had to comment as this is something I'm passionate about.

Your 'type' does not define you. It's is your preference. Think which hand do you prefer to write with. If you're right handed, your skill at writing with your left hand will depend on how much you have used it. If you've ever broken your preferred arm, you will know what I mean!

So it is with type. If you prefer to start things or find things out or generally help people (if I've read the thread correctly) you will default to these jobs because it's more comfortable. So you will seek out work that's more comfortable for you. You're good at it, so others will ask you to help. Sometimes we get into this groove and it takes a conversation like the one with your boss to help you understand.
But it's what you prefer to do, it doesn't mean you can't do other things and it certainly doesn't mean you don't have valuable skills.

Ideally, a good boss will recognise all skills equally and realise that an organisation full of completers, for instance, is unbalanced. You need all types. However, that's not where you are so....

Two options:

1. Practice your completion skills. Do it slowly, you're not trying to change yourself completely. Decide on one project you are going to complete and by when. Focus on it. Get it done. The sense of satisfaction will be huge and over time you'll find it easier.

1. Find an organisation/role that values your skill area and will reward you for being who you are with the skills you have.

Good luck OP - go for it !

Thank you again to everyone. I think I need to do both 1 and 2. My boss did say I’d feel better if I completed more and it is true
I’ll just have to be more distant from people stealing my time even if I really want to help them because doing so allows them to help a customer and finish their task for example
I’m trying to stay positive and am racking three things I’ve put off right now in a “just do it” frame of mind. And I’ve had a lovely message from a friend who I have worked with who reminded me what I’m good at.
I needed to get it out and I am a do-er who won’t just accept things. I just need to finish them..

I'm a completer-finisher and I work with lots of ideas/ starter people - they can do things that I'm really not brilliant at so I really respect your skills OP. Don't be downhearted, and I love what pp said about it's a preference.

I also do lots of helping my colleagues.

I tend to work like this:

Write down what I want to achieve in the day. It might include parts of tasks (e.g. the next step of a big piece of work).
Decide an order, 1, 2, 3
The order will include the scheduled aspects of the day like meetings. It might have time limits, e.g. no. 3, as far as I can get on that task before the meeting at 12pm
no. 4 meeting
no.5 next task

Start task 1, Don't get distracted, don't worry about any of the other tasks, focus and finish it.
On to task 2 etc...
Take coffee breaks between tasks. Or, between tasks can be the time you check emails and do any quick helping colleagues stuff as light relief. But any larger piece of helping or email has to become a task with a number in the list, possibly even on the list of another day.

That's my mindset that helps me.
This relies on setting yourself tasks that are small enough - so it could even be

1. write the paragraph about risks
2. write the paragraph about funding
3. check report for spelling... etc

etc rather than 1. write report (too daunting, you'll just find excuses to do something different instead)

Also on big tasks I plan ahead and get meetings in people's diaries ahead of time e.g.
Sept - book venue
Oct - book meetings to discuss event aims

• brief facilitator

Nov - look at facilitators ideas

• book meetings to agree schedule
• book meetings to commission briefing papers

Dec - compile briefing papers Jan - send participants final event details

I do this to give myself the confidence that the overall task will get done. Then I'll know whether and why tasks to move that along need to be on the list of any particular day

OP, MB doesn't entirely define you. It describes what you flex to when you are in your comfort zone. It does not restrict your ability to behave differently if you push yourself. Introverts can go to a big party and enjoy it for example, they can even be the life and soul, but it might take more out of them than most. Perhaps you do need to learn to focus differently at work and flex your behaviour a little to suit what you need to achieve. Recognising that is the first step. Well done you.

Myers-Briggs is pretty much hokum, and little more than a money making machine for those who sell it, as are most ‘typology’ tests which like to put you in a box. They’re no more accurate than horoscopes. Please don’t be limited by what you think these tests are telling you or not telling you, and please don’t think that just because a stupid test tells you that you get bored towards the end of a job that you have a flaw - most people get bored towards the end of a job because in a lot of cases it’s the hardest bit. All these tests do is limit your ability to believe you’re good, or can get better, at something, and you begin to see it as a character flaw,

Here’s a review of the MBTI.

www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/201402/the-truth-about-myers-briggs-types

There are lots of more serious articles in peer reviewed journals if you’re interested.

It’s still used widely in business because it’s easy to understand and people like being told things about themselves, but mainstream personality testing as moved on a long way since then, and it would be rare to see a real, qualified, psychologist using it.

If you’re interested, also look up the Barnum Effect which explains why people buy into these sorts of tests.

Thanks. I'll have a read and I do want to change and maybe looking at specifics rather than my whole "type" could be easier