Birthday Party Invitation

[Cel67]

AIBU for not agreeing to my 12 year attending a "birthday party" which she has been invited to. The party consists of the children taking the train unsupervised into the city while the mother of the birthday girl drives herself to meet them. The 12 year old girls will then be walking around the city to shop again unsupervised and will return home alone on the train in the evening. Apart from the obvious danger, all expenses of travel, food and shopping is to be met by me, plus a present for the birthday girl, total cost approx £80. I have totally refused to allow DD to attend. I wouldn't even call this a birthday party. DD in tears as all school friends going.

I think it's a bit of a crap party but if I think back to being 12 I probably would have been pretty excited at the prospect of travelling by train to a city for shopping. If they're generally a sensible bunch I think YABU.

12 year olds going to town alone to shop and talk is a normal and appropriate activity. Its what I did for my 12th birthday a long time ago, its what lots of that age group do.
If its about travel cost give your daughter some options - are there cheaper options? could you/someone else's parents drive a group of them there and someone else collect? Can your dd use her own money for the present?

No, that's not a party.
Group of 12year olds (excitement and possible mischief), falling- outs (usually), strangers, and travelling. Not to mention cost.
No.
One sensible friend then possibly. A group- No.

YABU. I would probably expect the food to be covered as the party element.

Does your DD have any Christmas money to spend shopping?

I'd say you'd better allowing her a little freedom otherwise she may just end up doing things without your knowledge.

It's normal for 12 year olds to be allowed to shop together in a group. I'd be a bit concerned about the train journey if they're not accustomed to it but as long as they've got phones to call an adult for help I think it's fine.

It's cheeky fuckery from the friend's parents though, how tight to not pay for anything at all! Fair enough if they can't afford it, but then passing on a whopping £80 cost to each attendee is disgraceful.