Driving Alone

[Candycrush426]

Hi all,

Happy Friday! I need some help. I’m so nervous when it comes to driving I passed when I was 19 now 25. Drove for about a year when I passed didn’t have a car after that so didn’t start driving again till about 10 months ago. The break of no driving totally knocked my confidence, felt like a new learner again. I can drive perfectly fine with someone in the car with me. I drive on the motorway with my husband to my parents house which is 45 minutes door to door. Done this about 15 times - no problem. Can even drive there without a satnav now. I haven’t done the drive alone. Tomorrow I need to drive there alone for an appointment at 12:45. I’m shitting it. I know I can do it I have done it with other people but never alone. I keep thinking of the worst, what if I’m on the motorway and a lanes closed or the exits closed etc. Please can you all help me realise I am being unreasonable and I should be fine! My husband has full confidence in me - has told me to take the car whenever I want wherever I want because he knows I’ll be fine. But I’m dreading it and even feel like cancelling the appointment. Please help!

This isn't what you want but is there any way of you getting there without the car? I just know when I'm that nervous getting somewhere I arrive in a ball of nerves and if it's an appointment you'll find it so difficult knowing you're facing the drive back too!!

I can but I know it will be a lot easier driving door to door. The I would have to get two trains and a bus there and the same back. Also it’s only a hairdresser appointment 😂. Love my hairdressers don’t want to go anywhere closer to where I live now.

Can you nip to Tesco tonight on your own? Or for a quick drive round your town? You obviously need to drive alone sometimes so today is a good start. You will be fine and the more you do it the more it becomes second nature.

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

If you are anxious about something and catastrophising ( which is what you do when you worry about lane closures etc) the worst thing you can do is avoid it. This reinforces in your brain that it was a bad idea and you were right to worry and means you are likely to get more anxious about driving.

When have you done something by yourself and been very proud ( even if non driving related)? Can the logical part of your brain see that there is no difference in your driving ability if you have a passenger or not.... Concentrate on this.

You've got this.

Here’s a tip - set the satnav even though you don’t need it and if an exit is closed or you’re diverted it will re-calculate your route and get you there anyway.

Check google maps before you go, it will tell you of any planned exit closures.

Having someone sat beside you doesn't make it more or less likely that anything will happen, and remember that signs (eg to advise of a lane closure) are placed far enough back from the 'hazard' to allow time to process and react - there's a lot of experienced traffic management people working all this out, they're looking after you.

And think how proud you'll feel when you've done it! Go 4 it...

Like someone else has suggested, go for a quick drive tonight by yourself to give you some practise.

Even though you said you can do the journey without sat nav, take it and set it up anyway, then if the exit is closed, it will re-direct you.

I have a friend in her 50s who won't drive anywhere outside of our town, it really limits her and her daughter is now doing the same. Don't let your life be restricted like this.

I think you just have to get it over with. It will get easier each time.

I sympathise as I passed my test at 17 and didn't drive again until I was 28. I'd driven a few times in my boyfriend's car but always with him there. Then suddenly he had to have an operation (for a seriously broken wrist so no driving!) and stay in hospital overnight. I drove us there but when left him at the hospital, I had to drive back to his house on my own. I was a nervous wreck but I did it. That evening I went in for visiting hours so had to drive there on my own but in the dark this time. Then on the way back to his house that night, I was on my own, in the dark, in the rain. It was nerve-wracking but I did it and after that, it got easier. Sometimes you just have to force yourself out of your comfort zone.

As someone who suffers quite badly from driving anxiety, and hates how I have let it take over, my advice to you would be just get in the car and do it.

Agree with checking Google maps before hand to see traffic/closures, making sure you have good music/podcast/audio book in the car.

But basically just go for it!

I am finally overcoming my fear of driving (particularly alone on motorways) now and the only way I have been able to do it is by making myself do it. Even if I sometimes feel panicky and have to go through horrible episodes. Avoiding it for so long has just made it so much worse.

Think through the worst case. You take a wrong turn or get stuck in a wrong lane and then get lost and miss your appointment. You’ll live.

If you do get lost just drive for a bit and then pull over and look at sat nav.

Here’s a tip - set the satnav even though you don’t need it and if an exit is closed or you’re diverted it will re-calculate your route and get you there anyway

I was coming on to say the same.

And even if you get lost what's thw worst that can happen? You just have to turn around at the next opportunity and go the right way. Getting lost (or going the wrong way) really isn't an issue. Give yourself plenty of time, too, so if you need 45 minutes for the journey allow an hour or more.

If you are worried about the motorway is there an A road route you could take? I don't like motorway driving and find myself getting sweaty palms, so I tend to use other roads when I can and only use the motorway if I really have to or it's by far the most efficient way.

Final option - can you postpone the appointment by a week or two and do some journeys around your local town by yourself?

I don't understand the fear of motorways. Everyone is going the same direction, there are no sharp bends and nothing will run out in front of you. Yes, you're going faster, but the roads are much, much safer.