Bloody Instagram

[yips]

Been with new boyfriend a few months, he is lovely and makes me feel very secure. However, he was scrolling Instagram a few weeks ago and scrolled past a picture of a girl which I noticed he'd liked, which really upset me.

My judgement may be clouded here, because my ex always liked photos of the same girl and said I was overreacting, then I found out that they were sexting while we were together.

I don't think new boyfriend would cheat, and seemed genuinely confused when I brought up the liking, as he said he does like photos of girls he's met travelling etc and who he's friends with, and it's not in a flirtatious way at all.

I haven't brought it up in a while as I hoped he'd taken what I said on board, but today on his explore page there was a photo of a model and it said "based on photos you've liked", so I asked to see his 'posts I've liked' page and he refused.

AIBU to be upset by this?

* Been with new boyfriend a few months, he is lovely and makes me feel very secure. *

Really? Because secure isn’t a word I would use to describe you on the basis of this thread

Agree with above, you sound over the top.

I would not give a toss if my DP liked model photos on Instagram.

Get a grip.

Is he also not allowed to make eye contact with other women you pass in the street?

If you carry on like this you will push him away. You have only been together a few months and you’re acting needy and insecure which isn’t attractive at all.

🤦🏻‍♀️

YABU.

You can't judge your new BF based on the behaviour of your cheating ex. I understand why it would make you feel insecure but I think it might be an idea to really look at the damage done to your self esteem by your ex and work from there. Build yourself up. Develop some confidence in yourself.

As for your BF refusing to let you check "posts I've liked": I don't think that's necessarily a red flag. More an invasion of privacy and his being peed off at the lack of trust you have in him.

Makes me feel secure- rest of post does not compute...

Are his females friends pictures all posing in underwear and bikinis or at starbucks?

I'm very secure in my marriage but if my DH started 'liking' photos of random women on social media I would wonder what sort of tool I had married.

Theyre not random women- he knows them

Let me save you a load of time here...

You've been with him only a few months and you have turned you into the paranoid crazy girlfriend demanding to see his phone/check his social media/whatever.

This relationship won't work. His behaviour doesn't make you feel secure. Quite the opposite. It's over before it even really began.

You sound very insecure.

Monitoring your boyfriend’s likes is too far as you’re only hurting your own feelings whilst he hasn’t done anything wrong. You’re giving too much headspace to a like, it’s not that serious. It’s something a 15 year old would pay too much attention to - as a grown adult you should be more mature tbh.

You’re also a bit fixated on this girl. Yes your ex messaged her, but was she actually aware that you two were together or did he present himself as single? Also what happened between your ex and her isn’t indicative of your current boyfriend - there’s nothing to suggest that he’s messaging her too.

Why can't he like friends pictures? Do him a favour and end it

Yes, you are being unreasonable.

YABU OP. And you're going to push this chap away if you carry on being paranoid and distrustful.

Was it a naked/posey picture, or just a friend posting a normal photo?

Do you not like any photos from your male friends?

AIBU to be upset by this?

How do you think HE is feeling about it?

Why don't you focus on your real-life interactions with this guy, have the best fun you can with him, & let him handle his own social media accounts without your supervision?

I honestly think you will be happier for it. Don't let your ex's cheating dictate how you respond in a new relationship.

CoffeeConnoisseur what is the appropriate amount of time you have to be with someone before you're allowed to care how they interact with other women then?

Does this girl have her tits out or something? Is your issue that the pictures a sexual one? Or is it just a normal picture of a girl doing some normal thing?

If its a sexual picture, maybe YANBU - I know people have different boundaries on this.

If it was just random girl doing normal stuff - YABU. I think it sounds like you need to work on some insecurity issue.

Well there’s a scale of “interacting“ with another person of the opposite sex. In my opinion liking a photo is at the very bottom of the scale and wouldn’t ever be something of concern. Unless there are other red flags - which you say there aren’t.

People could be married for decades without caring that their spouse liked a photo on Instagram. Whereas insecure people may get paranoid after day one.

Also it’s heavily context dependent. What are the photos that are being liked, how long has he known them, what is his relationship like with them etc. He isn’t going to stop liking his friend’s posts just because you’ve arrived and feel threatened.

All we know for a fact is that you’ve been cheated on before, and that you’re taking out your residual trauma on your new boyfriend. You’re never going to be happy if you don’t work on your self esteem. This will eventually tire your boyfriend, he won’t entertain this infinitely.

Your question is impossible to answer without context.

Is it a woman he actually knows - a friend?

What is the picture of? - Her pouting at the camera in a bikini - not so great. Her rockclimbing - complete non-issue.

There's a big difference between him liking a female mate's travelling picture on instagram, and him constantly liking hundreds of porny bots on instagram.

I don't think it's reasonable at all to ask to see his phone. What's the problem with him liking photos of a friend?

My Husband of 18 months is regularly sent saucy pics on social media by his pals, he's quite old fashioned and gets all embarrassed and tries to hide them, I find it quite endearing and amusing. As for pics from female acquaintances that he likes, he knew them all before we were even dating if he wanted to go there he'd be trying to get there and not wasting time with me surely.

YABU. He isn’t doing anything wrong and he is right to not let you invade his privacy and see his likes page.

You need to stop any controlling behaviour before he soon becomes your ex.

Oh dear, he's only liked a picture! I like photos of other men, my husband probably does the same with other females, I wouldn't notice!

Asking to see the pictures he likes seems to be a massive invasion of privacy to me - even if my IG likes are all kitchen islands & royal tiaras, I wouldn't want DH forming an opinion on that!