To go to the party

[AriadneOliversApples]

My DH and I have been invited to a birthday party for one of his friends in London next month. We live a about an hour and a half train journey away. Our DD will be six months old by this point but I still feel really uneasy about leaving her. I've been a bit lax on sleep training so she's still feeding to sleep on the breast, and I'm worried about her getting to sleep and then leaving her for a full night when it'll be near impossible to get home at say 4am it she has some sort of meltdown. She'd be with my mother so someone I trust implicitly, it's just not me or DH!

She will take a bottle and can self soothe if she's with DH or I but isn't always great at it. Probably 50/50.

Do I bite the bullet and go (DH is really keen for a night away just the two of us. Not necessarily for the obvious stuff but just to reconnect as adults, and not mummy and daddy for a night) or stay with DD?

She'll be in safe hands with my mum but I'm not sure I'll enjoy the time away! Is she too young or is this just a right of passage I have to get through?!

I left my DD1 at about this age and I remember being very worried. She did indeed yell for most of the evening...but MIL, having had two babies herself, managed fine.

If you want to go, go. It won't harm your DD.

I had my grandson over night when he was three months old. He was breast fed but his mam expressed and i bottle fed him and it was absolutely horrendous.

She spent all night worrying, I stayed up all night all watching him incase he cried or wasn't breathing. He slept like the proverbial baby for eight hours and woke up with the first smile of his life I'd seen first hand.

Do it. Go.

Go go go.

I have a 6 month old. I worried about leaving her. When I finally did she was as good as gold and slept longer and better for her granny than she did for me.

Your mum will be fab with her and will enjoy the time. You and DH can have a great night together.

Go. And enjoy it.

IMO she is too young and a breastfed baby who falls asleep on the breast will be distressed when you’re not there. You haven’t been lax, it’s completely natural to feed to sleep. I personally wouldn’t leave them overnight until they’re old enough to understand.

I had to leave mine for two nights while I was in hospital aged 4 months. He was fine and is now a strapping 17 yr old.

Do it. Life is short.

I wouldn't. But then I havd different views on infant sleep

Do what you want.
I felt pressure to leave my DD1 when I didn't feel comfortable and just wanted to be with her. Everyone saying she'll be fine etc which she was of course.
But with DD2 I understood my feelings better and had the confidence to admit simply that I didn't want to leave her overnight. I did what made me happy.
So do whichever you want OP

How is she with your mum. Will your mum be able to soothe her to sleep. Worth doing a practice/trial run to see how she gets on? May help put your mind at ease and you may actually enjoy the evening than continually worrying?

Depends on the baby. I would have with my first who was bottle fed and slept like the proverbial baby! I didn't leave her til she was two though. My second is one and still feeds to sleep, I dont think I could leave him. And I'm no earth mother, would love to get a night off!

I wouldn't. My bf babies weren't left until much later. Let your husband go to the party. Then arrange a meal out for you and your us and with your Mum babysitting but you local another night. Unfortunately for your husband the baby comes first now. (I'm not commenting on people who have left a bf baby early... everyone is different...but OP isn't comfortable and that's good enough reason not to go).

If this would be the first time you’ve left her for more than an hour or two it sounds a bit far to go. It’s different leaving your baby overnight to just going out for the evening locally. Do you have a chance to give it a trial run this month but staying closer to home?

She would be fine I’m sure but you might not enjoy it much if you’re worrying.

I came up with a compromise when my daughter was a bit older than 6 months. We spent two nights at a spa hotel for a wedding. We got two hotel rooms and my mother stayed with our daughter in the second room. We were able to have some quality time together as adults, my mum had fun in the lovely spa hotel and got to spend loads of time with her grand daughter and we were available if we were needed.

I think it depends, would you enjoy yourself if you did go or would you worry all night.

I didnt leave my DS and still havent overnight anywhere as that's not what I want. Dont let anyone tell you must leave them to get back to "yourself" or you need your life back, your baby is only 6 months you have ages for all that and dont feel guilty if you want to go and leave her with your mum who you wholeheartedly trust.

But if you would feel better being there to resettle and reassure if woken while they are so young that's also perfectly natural.

Bottom line only you really know and go with your gut, dont let anyone tell you what right or wrong, make sure its your choice.

Or take your mum with you and get her a room.

Has your mum had her overnight before? If not I wouldn’t make this the first time - I’d do it so you’re nearby and trial it.

I couldn’t have done it and still haven’t left our twins overnight and they’re 3, but it’s a different situation (no family nearby so no one they know / we trust, plus they have additional needs).

And you haven’t been lax by not sleep training a six month old!

Do you want to go ? Will you be able to relax ?

If DD can take a bottle from your DH she can take it from your mum too.... An overnight would also help their bond.

It's only natural to have reservations but it's also easy to over think it.

Thanks all! I'm leaning towards giving it a miss.

I definitely wouldn’t go - plenty of time to have nights away when the baby is older. This time is precious for her development.

Why don't you do a test run a couple of weeks before?

As an aside. It is a good idea to reconnect as a couple...but you're not going to get loads of quality time catching up together at someone elses party I'd have thought!

Its ok to want to go but equally its ok for you to not want to go

Follow YOUR instincts you know your baby and yourself. It is very much an individual decision for which there are no rights or wrongs

That said this does seem a lot for a first time and not the most relaxing. Maybe ask your mum and go for dinner as a starting point

If you are still breastfeeding will you feel comfortable if you can't express?

I had my friends DD overnight when she was 4 months old and breastfed. She gave me a t-shirt of hers that I wore when giving the bottle and comforting her and it worked well. I had an awful nights sleep because she isn’t mine so I basically just sat staring at her for 8 hours. She slept through waking for a bottle about 4am and then back off until 8. All smiles and giggles the next morning. If you want to go and trust your mum then do it, maybe leave something of yours behind so she can smell you?

I think it’s a very personal decision that depends on how your parent and the personality of your baby. I have friends who had their parents looking after their baby over night from 3 months and it worked well for them. I was the other end of the scale, happily left them with husband during the day but didn’t leave them overnight at all till they were 2 and I could tell them when I’d be back - even then that was just leaving them with my husband! But I don’t have family nearby and my children have all been a little more anxious than most (like me and my husband!). It was never planned in any way, we just waited till it felt right. They now can’t get enough of going on sleepovers and school trips that mean they get a night without parents . It feels such a long time when you’re in the middle of it, but when you look back it feels like it goes in a flash.