To send this email?

[itsgettingweird]

Basically ds has been bullied for months now.

I'm always having to chase his HOY and don't feel I should have to.

He's always asked to do incident reports. But yet it doesn't stop.

Ds is autistic and has neuromuscular genetic disorder and names he's called include autism boy and spastic.

He's too anxious to leave school premises for fear of physical violence as it's been threatened and missed last 2 days of term due to anxiety related to the bullying.

The latest is as a result of an incident where they were playing football and when tackling another lad ds tripped him up. Ds apologised as was an accident. The lad them began pushing ds around and his friend joined in. The friend grabbed ds wrists and ds pushed him away against his body. The lad fell and broke 2 fingers. Afaik they were actually broken as ds said he came in with them strapped up and HT said he wasn't punishing because the ,ad had a suitable punishment for his actions.

I was told HOY would contact me end of term but didn't.
Incidents everyday since returning which he's reported and still no contact.

Incident today has made me really angry and so I've penned an email. I want opinions before I send it! I want action but don't want to make situation worse.

Email contents basically go as follows.

Not happy I have to keep chasing you. I've given you time beyond contact promised and despite knowing it's not stopped you've still not bothered to make contact.

The bullying is a hate crime. Disablist language and not dealt with in the same way it is known school would deal with other hate crimes - eg racism. Then sent link to cps guidance on hate crime and highlighted all protected characteristics are viewed equally.

Then said how angry I am about todays incident. (Basically a pupil accused ds of making and throwing paper aeroplane at him. Not something ds would do and school know it but this was cover teacher. Made to go into recycling bin in front of all his peers and find his work. Does this. Teacher then says ds has to see her break time tomorrow anyway)

Ends with pointing out they aren't providing the Elsa and social support promised as how he doesn't know how to deal with this due to his autism. That he has an ehcp for 20 hours support so they can and should be making sure he's never left in this situation.
Also point out a target in that he feels safe in school and attends regularly and they aren't meeting that.
Ends with saying I want a response by email.

BCC the HT in.

So AIBU to lay it 9n the line like this or do I need to stamp my feet now?
(I've read all behaviour, bullying and safeguarding policies if I need to quote where they aren't following them at any point!)

I would be furious in your situation too. I would certainly express disappointment and anger that you have to keep chasing the HOY. I would also request contact by a deadline as well as asking for a detailed description of what they are going to do, and when. Keep it polite but make clear you expect action ASAP.

I hope the situation improves for your son, nobody deserves this .

I'm not sure I would send the link to the CPS guidance as they should already know that but I would point out the bullying is a hate crime based on protected characteristics.

Best of luck.

Could you also request a face to face meeting with HOY and/or headteacher?

Keep it rational and factual.

Can you CC in the school governors?

In all honesty, some schools are absolutely incompetent and uncaring when it comes to dealing with pupils with SEN and bullying.

As you've seen, you'll be given the runaround, you'll be told things will change and they don't but all the time you're doing the equivalent of pushing water uphill, the person that's suffering the most is your son.

You'll save your son and yourself a lot of heartache and hurt and dreadful treatment if you move schools or take him out of school for a while to get his confidence and self-esteem back.

We all know what a schools should do, especially when you have an EHCP, but frankly some aren't interested and no matter how often you complain or take them to task, nothing will change and your son will continue to be bullied all the time he's there, because let's face it, how long has it been going on and what's happened to put an end to it so far?

What do you want for your son for the coming year? Do you want him to be treated as he is now whilst you try to do daily battle and force the school to do what they should because they are legally obliged to but somehow just ignore that, or do you want a happy child who can learn in a safe environment?

I see so many parents struggle to get schools to meet the needs of their children with AN, and for the most part it doesn't work and they have to pull them out of school eventually because the kids can't cope with the bullying and despite ECHP etc, zero or maybe a small token of support for their AN but nowhere near what they need. By which time the children's self-esteem is in tatters and their MH is too.

The SN boards have many accounts of schools like the one your son is at, and they all state that only way to ensure the child's progress is to move schools. Please read some of the SN boards and the Home Ed board and the Bullying board for so many posts just like yours.

Time to step it up.
Every child has the right to be educated in a safe environment. This is a legal entitlement. Add this.. also quote their own policies by policy name and page/paragraph. Summarise your issues, the length of time you have been recording them and the number of times you have corresponded and communicated with the school. All this up front. Anyone copied in needs to kno1. How long this has been going on.

1. That you know their policies
2. Who you have spoken to and how often
3. The mental anguish this is causing your son every day and the effect on his wellbeing.
4. The names and organisations you are copying to.
5. His EHP cover and support that is in place
6. How much actual cover is in place based on the incident times and dates and the lack of protection and supervision by the teacher in charge at the time.

Copy in:
Parent liaison
Head of SENco
Head of the board of governors
Head teacher
Education welfare officer at the LEA/council

It is time for a minuted meeting between you, HOY, HT. PL and HOG. Do not be fobbed off with platitudes or partially attended meetings any more.
Disablist language, behaviour and bullying is as unacceptable as the same happening with race, gender, sexuality and religion. Make this clear.
Stay calm, direct your anger and upset to creating a perfect storm then sit back and watch the deckchairs fly.
You should not have to protect him by keeping him at home.
You should not have to protect him by changing schools.
When you hand your child to them every morning, it is their job to protect him. If they can't then there is a serious failure in policy and legal compliance and they should be called to task.
It took from year 2 to year 10 to get this stopped for my son. Bullying came from teachers and pupils in our case and all because adhering to sen and inclusion policies was too much for some teachers (not all) to do..

Good luck

Send it! I wouldn't BCC the head though, I'd just CC them!

Ignore me - do what Rosspoldarkssaddle says.

"Watch the deckchairs fly" - that's going into my stash of cool/hilarious things to say!

I had similar problems with my ds, he is Asd as well & got bullied & pushed around at primary school & the first three years at secondary school. I was in school complaining at least once a week & I got told that ds was not being bullied, he just saw things "differently" One incident another child had tried to strangle him in the playground, he came home with red marks around his throat, the staff just said that he looked happy enough when he came in after playtime. It was like banging your head against a brick wall & I was really hopeful when he left to go to secondary school because there were only 3 children from his primary going to the same school he was. He had an awful time for the first 3 years at secondary, one boy singled him out, he slashed a brand new bag ds had with a blade, cutting both of the straps, snatched a book ds had taken in for reading & threw it so hard it broke in to several pieces, ds was heartbroken as he had saved to buy the book himself & it was precious to him, the boy also spat in his face & punched him so hard he had a nosebleed but school did next to nothing, they said that the boy,'s parents wouldn't answer the phone to school so their hands were tied with what they could do. Another boy punched ds repeatedly in the head so badly that I had to pick him up to bring him home halfway through the day, the boy got a days isolation. In the end I contacted my MP who raised a complaint at the school with the head, I was called in to a meeting with the head & the year manager who spent most of the time giving me excuses & platitudes, I escalated my complaint to the governors who did basically nothing so I contacted the schools inclusion & conciliation officer at the local council & raised my complaint with them & also asked someone from the council Autism in Education team to attend all future meetings with me, they didn't really do much to stop the bullying but made school provide better care for ds, at break & lunchtimes he is allowed to go up to the learning resource area where he can eat his lunch or sit & read without the worry he is going to be bullied, he loves this because he likes some quiet time, I also had weekly meetings with the head of year as ds attendance was suffering badly, it went down to less than 40% because he was so anxious & depressed I couldn't get him to go to school. He is allowed to take his work to the head of year's office if he gets anxious or anyone is bothering him. When he first got this option he spent nearly every lesson in there, but he started to make friends by the beginning of Y10 & now hardly ever goes, he is in Y11 now, hardly ever misses school, is working hard for his GCSE's & has just completed his applications for sixth form, surprisingly he has put his current school down as one of his choices. The only way to get anything to change is to keep on complaining & if one person says no, go above them until someone does what is best for your child, it's the only way.

Blank this school up until change if HOY have always been brilliant. He moved there from the coal academy who were dreadful and ds needed up bullied so badly he had a knife pulled on him. He also had a key worker who left and since September I think they cut back support because he did so well with her - bu this has proved he actually does well because if the support.

I'm happy to keep him home anytime he needs it but he's year 11 and I don't see why his GCSEs should be affected because if the actions of others. And he doesn't really want to miss his learning either.

HT already suggested meeting as not getting better for ds and said his PA would contact me - but that hasn't happened yet.

They aren't usually so poor and I don't think the school itself are poor - but the HOY is that's the person we should contact re bullying.

I'll let everyone know what happens!

Nat that was my experience with ds academy. He just didn't understand apparently he most certainly does understand being strangled and the one time the child had him so hard and left marks ds couldn't get him to let go and so kicked him in the shins. Ds was isolated alongside him when I complained they weren't dealing it it. They also suggested I did a managed move if I didn't like it.
2 weeks later that child pulled a knife on him. School were shot. Tried to say it's because other child also has asd and was scared of my ds after he kicked him. Police were not backwards at coming forwards telling and recording that ds had acted in self defence and school should never had punished him and by moving my ds from victim to equal party they had helped create the escalation.

Nat ds also spent most of hear 7/8/9 working quietly with keyworker or socialising in student support. Half the sinuses started occurring because he started to get confidence to socialise and other students are targeting him as their victim.

I definitely need to be harsh and thought and know it's the right thing but due to having similar experience to you I'm actually quite afraid of confrontation because last school were vicious and the senco so nasty she actually threw a piece of paper at me when I asked her to read it.

But big girl pants on!

I would include relevant dates of previous contact and promised response times which haven't been met.

As pp suggested copy in the head teacher, senco, lea and governors if possible.

Your son has the right to an education in a safe place and not to suffer this type of behaviour. Fingers crossed for a prompt response

I also had problems when ds was diagnosed ASD, I took a copy of his diagnosis in to his primary school & the teacher without reading it dropped it in the bin & said that they didn't need it as they knew he was perfectly normal, I had problems right from asking for help to get him diagnosed, they were difficult when a speech & language therapist wanted to go in to school to do observations & a language test on him. Keep on fighting, it is the only thing you can do, you know your child best, not them.

Thanks all for the support. Sent the email and school have certainly sat up and listened. So far they've always been great.

They have told me they are escalating punishments but I said although I appreciate that and appreciate them actually informing me we shouldn't be 3 months down the line where they are considering isolation etc. That I hate to say it but if ds was black or transgender they'd have gone straight to that and every parent and child knows school take a tough stance on this which is why is very unusual in the school.

I basically said I'm happy with what they are doing but I don't expect to keep chasing and have to send emails like that to get contact. They should have been contacting me.

I also said as these lads couldn't keep their gobs shit or hands to themselves they shouldn't be allowed to even go on Astro at lunch. There's evidence they will keep going despite punishments so don't give them the opportunity and have my ds as collateral damage.

I also said to remember we wouldn't as adults be expected to put up with this and therefore neither should school children.

Let's see how it pans out!

Nat that's awful. Ds primary were like "well duh" when he was diagnosed 😂 his first secondary academy were dire and actually referred to ds as an asd student. I remember looking them in the eye and saying "his name is Fred. He is Fred. Fred happens to be on the autistic spectrum. Fred is not a diagnosis".
One day during one of our many meetings the head of student support actually gave me the head tilt (when discussing sensory stuff) and said "asc students have sensory needs. They are now going to start including it in the diagnosis criteria".

I gave my best sweet smile and said

"Yes, it's now on the DSMV criteria which ds was diagnosed under and you should know that as it's in his paperwork. So let's discuss how you'll meet those needs then".

They were extremely keen to lecture me constantly about how they were experts and about their knowledge and how asc students often struggle with x y and z. Much less so about what they'd do to meet ds specific needs.

His current school have never been like that and he actually gets plenty of 1:1 support that isn't even specified on his ehcp. Hopefully things will improve again.

So sorry you’re both going through this. I’d forget the HoY and go straight for a formal complaint, within which you can include that the HoY hasn’t replied to you. The complaints policy/procedure is statutory so should be on the school’s website. Good luck!

Gah, crossed post! Glad they have responded.