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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I need help, I don’t know what’s wrong with me?

13 replies

Namechange3107 · 09/01/2020 21:09

I need help and don’t know what to do.

I have one child, a son who is 15 months old.
I also have anxiety (GAD), mild to moderate depression and panic disorder.
I did suffer with PND when he was born, although I had counselling, it didn’t help a great deal to be honest.

The reason I started this post is my issue with my DS and death. I’m obsessed with the thought of him getting ill and dying or just dying unexpectedly. I just want to run away. Some days I wish I’d never had him so I didn’t have to go through this torture every single day. I remember as an older teenager saying I didn’t want children because I couldn’t cope if something happened to them...well that thought had clearly never left me.
How can I live every day happily when I read stories all the time about parents losing children unexpectedly to various one off accidents and illnesses like sepsis and meningitis. Not to mention cancer.
I’m really sorry if this thread offends anybody, as I’m aware there will be some people on here who know of someone who has lost a child or lost one themselves (something I can’t fathom).

As I said further up the post, I just want to run away and then maybe I wouldn’t have these thoughts all the time.
I don’t sleep at night because of it.
He still has a breathing sensor monitor and he’s over a year old. My DP thinks I’m completely mad.
I know an element of this worry is normal , but I’m completely consumed by it.
I’m very ashamed of this part of the story, but I spend time looking on other forums etc at parents who have lost a baby or toddler/young child and trying to mentally prepare myself for this eventuality.
I used to do this very thing before I had him, but around myself...health anxiety was a serious issue in my life previously and I would spend time looking on cancer forums (convinced I had terminal cancer) and trying to ‘prepare’ myself for what I thought would happen to me.

OP posts:
Peggyflo · 09/01/2020 21:12

Could be OCD - Intrusive thoughts related to anxiety

Selfsettling3 · 09/01/2020 21:12

Sounds like PND to me. Please go back and see your GP. You must be exhausted.

Beckyboom · 09/01/2020 21:14

I’m so sorry you’re going through this Flowers

I have been in a very similar situation mentally myself. It is so incredibly hard. I would recommend that you go and see your GP immediately and explain and ask to be referred for talking therapy of some kind.

It helped me enormously - whilst sometimes I still ‘relapse’ if one of the kids is ill, 90% of the time
I can manage it fine whereas this time three years ago I was suicidal.

Please do go and ask for help. Things can be so much better than where you currently are.

Beachcomber · 09/01/2020 21:18

Gosh my love that sounds really difficult.

I'm sorry I don't think I have any good advice. But I want to sympathise as I had a horrible health scare a few years ago and I went from being someone who never thought about health much to someone who was acutely aware of my every feeling and potential symptom.

I had similar with my DD when she was young as she had some not very well understood health issues and I became quite obsessed and extremely aware of her ups and downs.

I just didn't want to read and run. Can you talk to anyone in real life about where you are now?

Hugs x

hairyxmasturkey · 09/01/2020 21:18

You still have pnd by the sounds of it. Go back to the dr and ask for more support. Best of luck

justtryingtogeton · 09/01/2020 21:21

Have a look at 'pure o'. Related to OCD

I'm on sertraline and can honestly say it changed my life. Cbt helped too

slipperywhensparticus · 09/01/2020 21:21

Intrusive thoughts you need real rest! Try pills from the doctor but they are not an instant fix you need too keep taking them

I get things like this when I'm exhausted and surprisingly when my magnesium levels are low so maybe a good multi vit ss well as the doctors it wont hurt you 💐

slipperywhensparticus · 09/01/2020 21:22

AS WELL not ss well

Nicecupofcoco · 09/01/2020 21:28

You sound like me! Not a day goes by I don't think about loosing my dc! It's almost like I'm living it every day.
It sounds awful, and I don't want to offend anybody, but I've even thought how would I get through the funeral, I couldn't cope with the sadness and hurt, it would destroy me.
I too suffer with anxiety, have had help with talking therapies, cbt etc, but it never seems to help this fear of loosing dc. When I was younger I used to fear loosing my parents.
I get the whole reading threads, or newspaper articles, Facebook stories, it sets my anxiety spiralling but I can't seem to help it. Morbid I know.
I hate when dc is ill, and often jump to worse case scenario constantly. I can't even leave him overnight due to a fear of him getting ill and nobody noticing! It's truly not nice!
All I can advise is ask for help, I don't think it's something you'll ever completely stop worrying about but I bet it can be made more manageable for you. The only thing I haven't tried is medication, although I know I should, so that is always another option if you think it might help.
I just try to stop myself when it starts and tell myself it's just a horrible thought. He's here and is safe at the moment, helps alittle.
Don't suffer though, get some support. All the best.

Plumbus · 09/01/2020 21:31

You need talking therapy intervention +/- medication. Go see your GP.

May2020 · 09/01/2020 21:33

Hi OP, so sorry to hear you're going through this. Are you currently taking any medication? I'm a mental health nurse btw

MajesticWhine · 09/01/2020 21:39

Sorry you are going through this. Have you had any talking therapy for your anxiety? It could really help. It is treatable and not uncommon. Please self-refer to your local service or speak to your GP. If you are in England, then follow this link

AFistfulofDolores1 · 09/01/2020 21:58

@Namechange3107 - I know how paralysingly awful this can be. And just when we think we've got it handled with ourselves - boom! We have a child and it rears its head again, but doubly so.

I deal with it with therapy. It helps (even if it's terrifying) to give voice to my fears in a place where I feel safe. Today, they are nowhere near as debilitating.

So, currently, if it's ruling your life, then I would definitely pay a visit to your GP - and also investigate therapy to deal with the underlying cause.

Mine was growing up with the unacknowledged conviction that I didn't deserve to live. I now know that I do. But it's a two-steps-forward-one-step-back proposition, and when those voices whisper, I remind myself that they are not my own - not the "me" that is at my core.

Flowers
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