I need help and don’t know what to do.
I have one child, a son who is 15 months old.
I also have anxiety (GAD), mild to moderate depression and panic disorder.
I did suffer with PND when he was born, although I had counselling, it didn’t help a great deal to be honest.
The reason I started this post is my issue with my DS and death. I’m obsessed with the thought of him getting ill and dying or just dying unexpectedly. I just want to run away. Some days I wish I’d never had him so I didn’t have to go through this torture every single day. I remember as an older teenager saying I didn’t want children because I couldn’t cope if something happened to them...well that thought had clearly never left me.
How can I live every day happily when I read stories all the time about parents losing children unexpectedly to various one off accidents and illnesses like sepsis and meningitis. Not to mention cancer.
I’m really sorry if this thread offends anybody, as I’m aware there will be some people on here who know of someone who has lost a child or lost one themselves (something I can’t fathom).
As I said further up the post, I just want to run away and then maybe I wouldn’t have these thoughts all the time.
I don’t sleep at night because of it.
He still has a breathing sensor monitor and he’s over a year old. My DP thinks I’m completely mad.
I know an element of this worry is normal , but I’m completely consumed by it.
I’m very ashamed of this part of the story, but I spend time looking on other forums etc at parents who have lost a baby or toddler/young child and trying to mentally prepare myself for this eventuality.
I used to do this very thing before I had him, but around myself...health anxiety was a serious issue in my life previously and I would spend time looking on cancer forums (convinced I had terminal cancer) and trying to ‘prepare’ myself for what I thought would happen to me.