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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Guests/wedding/birthday celebrations/holiday

6 replies

Slugslasher · 09/01/2020 18:22

We have a family wedding to attend mid-week coming up early summer. This coincides with dil’s significant birthday. Son, Dil and baby live at the other end of the country. They plan to come and stay with us bringing her mother and father along to look after the toddler at ours whilst we go to the wedding then next day invite her sister, our other son and wife to ours for her birthday family (birthday) celebration (probably a meal at a local venue) then on the Saturday tack on a (planned) family holiday in the sun (us, both sons and wives and baby) for a week; leaving from ours following a house-full from those preceding days. We will be hosting all these family members at our house.

My problem: AIBU to object to all of the above on grounds of domestic drudgery that will fall on (me) our household. I will be going on holiday following celebrations with everyone, knowing I am leaving a house that will be submerged under mountains of laundry/bedding towels and disarray (that a houseful of guests would include) knowing I have that to face on my return. There will be no time to do all of this prior to the holiday. I will add that under normal circumstances I am quite happy to host and enjoy family occasions like this along with handling all the domestic stuff after because when they all leave I just get stuck in and put the house in order, then breath a sigh of happy satisfaction.

H and I are very good hosts. We enjoy having kith and kin staying with us. It is hard work for H and me but we are making happy memories for all the family. We’ve done this for years our grown-up sons/wives are used to this. Our house is the family hub where we all get together throughout the year.

The holiday being tacked on top of wedding and birthday is for convenience to sons and wives who have limited holidays due to work commitments. We are retired. I am the only one objecting to all of this due to it being me who does the drudge-work - H does most of the cooking with me in the background keeping everything nice and in order. We are a good team.

It is convenient on paper for everyone to attend the wedding; include son’s in-laws to ours for birthday celebrations then jet off together for a holiday at the weekend. I am just thinking what a shit load of work to come back to. Not happy to be honest. AIBU? Should I just suck it up.

We did ‘the significant’ birthday for son and his in-laws in October; hosted Christmas recently. I am a bit tired of it all. Husband just loves all of our family together. He is disappointed I am putting a damper on his/their plans. I feel like a right killjoy. Holiday is currently not booked H and I are currently ‘in discussion’.

We try either May or September to book villas in Spain for the family as it’s too hot for us in the summer. Other dil has her ‘significant’ birthday in September, they are planning a three week exotic holiday on their own for that so Sept is not convenient.

OP posts:
weemouse · 09/01/2020 18:26

Can you get a cleaner in to strip the beds, wash all bed linens and towels, and clean the house for your return?

You could have the cleaner in to meet them and agree tasks the week before everyone arrives.

I am like you and like to go away on holiday with the house cleaned, do you can relax on return.

reluctantbrit · 09/01/2020 18:32

I agree, get a cleaner to come, clean and change bedding/towels. Then order food arriving the morning after you come back, stock the freezer for some nice things for breakfast.

Speak openly to your sons about what you will do regarding food during their visit, make it easy with simple meals, no fuss and make clear you expect them to help out.

honeybeetheoneandonly · 09/01/2020 19:55

This seems to be exceptional circumstances rather than an annual happening. Get your guests to help clean and tidy in the evenings and strip their beds on the morning you all leave. Then enjoy your holiday and start the washing marathon when you get back. It makes no difference whether you did it right away or after the holiday, if you are not in the house anyway. You might also feel a lot more relaxed after the holiday.
I get it, I want a tidy house before I go away, too, but if the choice is between coming home to a bit of mess or not going at all, I'd choose the family holiday.
Unless your family is incapable of tidying after themselves and your house will be a bomb site and you don't really like them that much anyway.

Whynosnowyet · 09/01/2020 20:00

They stay over post holiday and revamp your home before buggaring off home!!

GreenTulips · 09/01/2020 20:02

Won’t take a cleaner long to sort!

Ask each couple for a £10 donation to cover the cost, it’s the least they can do.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 09/01/2020 20:03

I think it sounds do-able with a bit of planning. If your family are close, they shouldn't mind mucking in - just explain its quite a lot for you to host and sort out holiday stuff so would they mind -
Eating out
Getting a takeaway
Bringing a dish each
Bringing their own towels and pillows to save you washing
Stripping the beds before everyone leaves

If your husband normally cooks and you eat out or order in or ask people to bring stuff then he is free to help you host / clear up

Pack the week before so you've got one less thing to do beforehand

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