To keep her off school

[Rosebel]

My 11 year old has had 2 days off school this week. I feel guilty not sending her in but far worse if I do. Shes been bullied for 3 months by the same girl who never gets punished. I have emailed, phoned, had meetings but nothing ever changes.
Just had enough of schools attitude which is it's not really bullying because it's just worda. They have talked to the girl and informed her mum but not actually followed their anti bullying policy (because it's not bullying).
Surely 3 months of verbal insults is bullying? She was bullied (physically and verbally) 3_years ago and was diagnosed with stress disorder. I'm not willing to put her or the family through that again and can't think of anything else to do
Am I BU keeping her off? If so what shall I do instead?

Keep her off. Phone school governors. Escalate it if the school won't do it

Your poor daughter and it is bullying, the school are trying to brush it under the carpet. I would contact the governors, you can ask at the school office for contact details which may also give school a kick up the bum. Have a file of all school responses and send a letter to governors at school that you feel school is failing to carry out anti bullying policy and have said verbal bullying does not count as bullying, make sure you send letters to back up what happened in meetings as the school have to keep these so they can be seen by ofstead and makes it more difficult to brush off. The school are failing your daughter. If the governors do not sort then contact ofstead. I really hope school begins to sort. I would contact office for contact details of governors strait away. I would also go to doctors if you are keeping her off to see if they will give a letter to back up about stress then school cant go after you for attendance.

I really hope you manage to get sorted. I was verbally bullied and it still affects me now at 35. Your daughter is very lucky to have a parent who has her back and it is so important for her that she knows that.

Yes its bullying and is worse than the physical assaults as the effect to mh is much longer lasting.

You shouldn’t have to but if you are thinking of keeping her off school - sounds like you need to move schools. Is she in primary? I would look for a primary which feeds into the high school she is going to go to so she can make friends in advance.
My son was unfortunately bullied at school. I paid privately for him to go to a therapist who taught him how to adjust his body language and what to say to the bully so he was no longer a victim. It was very successful and two years later the bully invited my son to his birthday party and my son decided to go and enjoyed himself.
My concerns for your daughter is her confidence. When my son started getting bullied it obviously affected his confidence and this in turn made him a target for other bullies. Unfortunately, it’s a bit of a vicicious circle. One of the most important I did for my son at the time was focus on making friends for him outside of school to help his mood and so he did not feel as affected by what was happening outside of school.
My concern for you is that your school does not seem supportive while my son’s school was great. If I was you I would ring a member of the school board who does not have a paid role at the school and ask for their help. Good luck

Just had enough of schools attitude which is it's not really bullying because it's just words

This is appalling Words can absolutely be bullying. Words can drive teenagers to kill themselves. I think you need to either escalate this as high as you can or think about pulling her out and sending her somewhere else (which you shouldn't have to do, but if the alternative is your child being bullied then you might have to).

"It's not really bullying because it just words."

It is bullying and No it's not 'just' words. Words stab like a knife.
Who ever came up with that fact poem.
" Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me" is quite frankly and idiot.
The school are allowing it to happen and keep happening. That is abuse.
You need to kick up a hell of a drink here. Reading between the lines you've been more than patient. They wouldn't accept it for their own kids

Thanks for the replies. Interesting 22% think I'm unreasonable but haven't said why.
She's in Y7 so started secondary school in September. She is very lacking in confidence and although she does activities outside school (kickboxing, swimming, guides and football) she doesn't really mix with the children although she does enjoy the activities. I'm not sure if this is due to the stress she suffered, her autism or both. Her autism is also something they used as an excuse. They said i it makes her too sensitive and she takes it to heart but then wouldn't any child after 3 months?
Looks like I need to escalate it as nothing else has worked. I'll also get a note from the GP and her specialist (if possible) as it'll cover me and might make the school realise they actually need to do something.

Her autism is also something they used as an excuse. They said i it makes her too sensitive and she takes it to heart but then wouldn't any child after 3 months?

They have, of course, put appropriate support in place to help your DD build resiliency and social confidence since her autism is responsible for her distress and reasonable adjustments must be made...(tongue firmly in cheek).

Some people have a hide like a rhino and words maybe wouldn't have much impact, others seem to be like teflon and things slide right off - many would-be becoming increasingly distressed after several months. Consistent verbal bullying gradually breaks down self-esteem and self-confidence, the school needs to be managing this, not doing victim-blaming on the grounds of your DD's disability.

I’d moving her school. Very concerning they can’t see that as bullying!

*Id be changing her school. Can’t type today 😂

Verbal abuse IS bullying. I still remember the names of the little shits who bullied me in junior school because I started in the middle of term and had a Scottish accent.
I m glad your dd has parents who will fight her corner and yanbu.
I m a teacher and would definitely not stand for it in my classroom.