Getting Married Abroad

[BlastEndedSkrewt]

Apologies if this is in the wrong topic but I couldn't find a weddings section to post in.
My partner & I have been together for 12 years, own a house together, no children or plans for any other than DBF's step son who is 13.

We have booked a wedding abroad for August for just the 3 of us & have no plans for anyone else to join us as firstly we would much rather spend the £10K or so on paying off our mortgage early,
it is just a formality as we aren't religious or want children & we really don't want the hassle of organising a wedding & keeping everyone happy.

My question is mainly when do we tell people? Do we tell people now & explain the reasons or do we wait nearer the time so it's too late for people to come with us & say it's a last minute thing?

Any other advise/tips on getting married abroad also greatly welcome please.

We told people around 2 months before the wedding. A few people said they'd love to come but I said we were doing it just us, as it was a very small ceremony, and we didn't want to worry about guests being okay.

Luckily 99% totally understood, and the 1% that didn't are over it now

Also we opted for USA ($200 ceremony, it was ace) so most friends/family were grateful they didnt have to be guilted into attending a wedding with such expensive flights!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/wedding

We had a small family only wedding and told people that. “We’re getting married in x on x”

No one wanted to tag along

@Brimful - thank you, that puts my mind at rest a fair bit. I think everyone will understand but not sure when best to tell them :-)

Tell people in advance - particularly if your parents are alive. You don't need to justify what sort of wedding you want to have. But, you are changing your legal status and your families should be told.

I hope you have a lovely wedding. :) Don't forget to do all the boring official updates as it's not "just" a formality. You're changing your next-of-kin, invalidating prior wills, etc. Make a list and tick them off as you do them. It'll go much faster if you're not changing your surname because you won't need to update your passport, etc.

thank you all for your replies - parents are still alive & will be told prior to the event just wasn't sure of the best way in terms of amount of time before - on one hand not so distant that they can suddenly all come but not too far away that they may still be cross (if they are cross) before we go :-(

It depends on who they are. Close family should be told now, so it's out of their system for when you get back.

Anyone else, you can do what suits you. It shouldn't really make much difference to them.

We got married in USA, told everyone when we got back. Zero regrets!

X post, you need to tell your parents ASAP.

Are you expecting your SS to keep the secret and possibly lie to people?

Three choices I suppose - tell everyone with lots of time, tell everyone last minute, or tell them when you get back.

I found that the couple of months beforehand, for us, was perfect, as by the time it came around the ones MIL that were a bit put out, they had gotten used to the idea and come around to being supportive. :)

My first marriage was in the us. My parents came then we told everyone when we got back on Xmas day because we only got back Xmas eve. Everyone was happy and it was the right decision at the time.

No - SS doesn't know yet. he wouldn't be expected to lie or keep a secret, that would be very unfair.

thank you all - I think a couple of months is going to be the way forward.

I would tell them a couple of months beforehand. Your family will be happy for you and no doubt want to share some of your excitement.

BIL&SIL married abroad and phoned on the day of the wedding to say it was done. It took everyone by surprise and we all wanted to celebrate in some way and really just let them know how happy we were for them but couldn’t. It was undoubtedly perfect for them but really weird for the rest of the family.

We also married abroad and told everyone about 9 months before. We genuinely did not expect anyone to join us but ended up having a lovely small wedding with wonderful people. However we hadn’t planned for guests - if we’d thought they would join us we would have considered the location, cost etc much more.

As it was, we chose a location to please ourselves and I still feel ashamed of the expense our guests went to to be there.

Don’t give them enough notice to tag along!

Why would anyone tag along when they aren't actually invited?

@katzenellenbogen - I think if you told them they may assume & invite themselves along before you've been able to say it's just the 3 of us

But you don't just "invite yourselves along" to people's weddings do you?

It's a long time since I got married, but I'm pretty sure that the bride and groom send out invitations.

My mum tried to invite herself along when we got matured in Cuba a few years ago. I told her DH’s parents couldn’t afford to come (was true but they hadn’t mentioned it), so it was unfair on them if my parents came. Don’t know if she bought it, but she didn’t mention coming again.

We did have a party when we got back that my parents insisted on paying for. That seemed to satisfy everyone (& I got to wear my dress again 😀)

Got matured - got married