Am I being over sensitive?

[ArbitraryNameChange]

Name changed in case a bit outing...

Dad died last year. I have his watches. One of which I have put into a jewellers for service and repair. Got the quote back, £150.

Told my boyfriend of 5 years on messenger that I'd had the quote for repair and told him how much.

His reply? 'LOL'

When I asked him why he said that he replied 'I didn't know how to reply so I just threw that out there'.

When I said I was upset by his response and lack of empathy he replied 'think about what you're saying. Why would your dads watches be important to anyone but you?'

I miss my dad so much and these watches are worth more to me than any financial value they may have, and he knows that.

AIBU to think he could have shown a bit more empathy and in fact he's being a bit of a cock? Or am I being over sensitive here?

Going to bed in a huff now so if I don't come back to the thread until tomorrow that's why.

Well clearly he lacks empathy. Having had both parents die I understand your position Matter for you whether you can cope with a DBF who seems to lack sensitivity. He probably didn’t mean any harm, but...

AIBU to think he could have shown a bit more empathy and in fact he's being a bit of a cock? Or am I being over sensitive here?

YANBU to feel sensitive at this time - you’re still grieving. And whilst I don’t think his initial comment was terrible and wouldn’t have bothered me, I do think as your boyfriend he is in a better position to judge how you may be feeling and what is likely to go down badly. It does come off as something he typed in order to say something when he didn’t know what else to say - which is his own explanation.

His follow up comments when challenged, although true, are a bit crass and defensive.

Tone isn’t always easily conveyed on things like Messenger too.

He's either an unpleasant guy or has significant problems with social interactions. I imagine you know in your heart which it is.

Not an ok response from him.

That was harsh of him. He was basically saying your grief is irrelevant.

When I said I was upset by his response and lack of empathy he replied 'think about what you're saying. Why would your dads watches be important to anyone but you?'

What a horrible response.

Wtf. What a weird response! Why would he say 'LOL'? He sounds odd.

I do see what he's saying although he hasn't worded it in the best way.

He's said 'LOL' presumably because the price is high for a watch that's unlikely to be used by anyone but if he'd have said that you'd have been upset.

You then questioned it and his response wasn't worded in the best way but that's basically what he's getting at - it's fine to pay £150 but you're the only person who it matters whether the watch works to.

I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.

You can fall over yourself trying to excuse his reaction, or just accept he is a wanker. What else is he like? Really?

Fuck him. What a disgustingly callous and rude thing to say. Of course they are important to you and if he had even half a brain he would recognise that if he loves you and it’s important to you then he should respect that. It’s called being a decent human being.
Next time he’s happy about something at work or buying a new gadget I’d say to him “why should I care? It’s only important to you isn’t it”. See how he bloody likes it. Arsehole.

Is he rather immature?

He's a complete tosser and has the empathy of a pebble. This is make or break territory. Do you really want to be with such an insensitive tool?

Condolences on the loss of your dad.

^what Cassidy said

Anyone that says LOL is a dick.

He is a complete dick with his response, very immature.

Is he just not very bright ?

The LOL I could probably forgive as a foot in mouth moment albeit over text.

The 'why would it be important to anyone other than you' is pretty horrible as a way to justify it imo. It's basically saying if if doesnt directly affect him, he doesnt give a shit. Imagine you saying that to him after he lost his job or crashed his car, how do you think that would go down?

He’s either (a) monumentally stupid or (b) monumentally insensitive.

Surprised by all the people saying they can see what he’s saying. It’s an utterly awful crass response because if absolutely does not matter in this case that the only person it’s important to you is you.

By the same token, if someone is upset at the death of a parent/child/spouse - is it ok to say “think about it, this person only means this much to you”.

Unless he’s utterly lovely the rest of the time and this is a very weird aberration then I would be willing to give him the heave ho only because it seems if he responds in this way to something like this I can’t imagine he is a great emotional support or cares for your wellbeing in other less strenuous or upsetting areas.

If I didn’t make myself clear your boyfriend is an utter dick. Throw him back into the pond and hopefully he’ll swim around there forever or until he finally grows up. God forbid he’s inflicted on another woman. What an arsehole. It’s actually made me more angry the more I think about it.

Morning all, thanks for all your responses.

I've calmed down now I've slept on it, and this morning have summoned enough energy to tell him to climb up his own arse and fuck off

I hope you’re not marrying him....

@AlwaysCheddar well probably not given she's told him to fuck off...

I certainly wouldn't expect any emotional support from him

Well done OP! Bullet dodged there I think.

tell him to climb up his own arse and fuck off

This is the correct response, well done.