Pregnancy Sick Leave - CF Alert

[WindInTheWishing]

Basically just that.

I love my job and had a great performance record but due to pregnancy complications had to be signed off sick. It’s been 6 months and Mat leave starts soon so doubt I’ll make it back. Meaning I’ll have been off work for 18 months by the time I return!

My lovely manager has been very supportive but the person I work directly with took it badly, got himself signed off too and went traveling 👍🏻 generally had a chip on his shoulder about it (I’ve heard from other colleagues). It’s a shame as we used to get on really well and now he’ll either not come back or it’ll be very awkward between us when I return after Mat leave.

I can see it from his point of view, I chose to get pregnant...etc but surely it’s no different than someone getting injured skiing or doing an extreme sport- that’s a choice too.

Also, whilst I certainly won’t be in a rush, I do want more than one child. So yes at some point I will (hopefully) become pregnant again and the chances are I’ll have the same complications and need to be signed off extensively again.

I feel like a real CF’er who has/will screw over her career and colleagues 😒 am I?

YABU- Yes you’re a CF
YANBU- No you’re not

1. You chose to get pregnant. You didn’t choose to be sick because of it.
2. Out of a roughly 50 year working life, 18 months (x2) is nothing.
3. Colleague sounds like an arse.

This is why employers don’t hire women of child bearing age. Can you blame them?

Unless you hear it from your colleague's own lips, I would not take any notice of gossips telling you that he disapproves.

What did they hope to achieve by relaying all this? I'd refuse to listen to another word: it's doing you no good at all.

You can't help it; you're entitled to take this time off by law and the doctor has signed you off. That's all that matters - to them as well as to him.

I had HG in my 1st pregnancy so i know how you feel. Its awful and i was off sick months too. You havn't done anything wrong.

I am now 21 weeks pregnant with my second and did not have HG this time. Just usual morning sickness which is a walk in the park compared to HG. So please dont think about getting HG again next time - it might not happen

Having stress does not mean that you should sit in your house with the curtains drawn. Maybe travelling is exactly what he needs to get better and be able to get back to work.
However, if he is taking advantage of the situation to get signed off, I’m sure the business will deal with him when he gets back to work - and it says far more about him than you.

It is not a matter of choosing to become pregnant or not. It is, as a matter of nature, only women who can become pregnant, and that should not be something women are punished for by colleagues having a shitty attitude or by being directly discriminated by.

You have done nothing wrong and should not feel bad for having any complications during pregnancy.

A woman at my school came back from maternity leave pregnant-twice. She then moved schools. Her choice to have 3 successive quick pregnancies but it was incredibly difficult for her department. However, maybe it is a question of workplaces being more organised in order to minimise disruption.

Women have babies - end of.
Some women may get incredibly sick during pregnancy - end of

Don't apologise for being pregnant or sick.

This is a very short period of time in the grand scheme of things.

I had HG, and was signed off sick for most of my pregnancy and then on a severely reduced workload before MAT leave. None of my colleagues were ungracious enough to make me feel in the least bit bad for that. He’s an arse.

your absence tipped him over the edge into depression?

What a ridiculous comment, that both diminishes the reality of depression and appears to want to make the OP feel guilty for having the audacity to be unwell whilst pregnant. If the extra workload was the issue for him, then that's a problem with the employer and their inability to cope with long term sickness.

OP, no you have not been unreasonable and you should not feel bad. If you got on well with him then it is odd he hasn't messaged at all, but that's up to him. Pregnancy and maternity leave are only a short amount of time in a working career, so don't feel bad; plus you need to put yourself and your baby first. You are protected by law re: sick leave when pregnant.

You’re going to get stick on this thread for your judgemental comments about your colleague which makes you as bad as him!
You are, of course, perfectly entitled to get pregnant and take sick leave if you’re sick. For that alone, YANBU to be off work and you can reasonably expect not to have this commented on.

Well, you can't help having complications any more than anybody could help being long term sick.
And he can't help being off now.
His comments etc may have been because he was already stressed/on edge and had to cover even more work. Not really excusable, but he may have been highly charged at the time. See how he is when you get back.

I've been that person who was stuck doing 2 people's job because they got themselves signed off. And it pissed me right off and it changed my attitude to work and I complained about it to my boss and also took some leave because it pushed me to breaking point .BUT my complaint was always about and to my bosses because, even though they knew this person wasn't coming back for a loong time, they didn't hire a temp or re-staff the projects. So I was literally doing 2 people's jobs and it ruined me. Mentally, I still haven't recovered, the stress was enormous and the workload was unbearable and I massively resent them for it. It's very likely that your colleague reached his stress limit too and his gripes are with the employer, not you personally.

If I was your employer I’d be far more pissed off about your colleague swanning off round the world whilst supposedly being off sick than with you for having such a debilitating condition. You’ve got every right to your sick leave, your maternity leave, and the same again with baby 2. It’s your legal entitlement. There’s no way you should feel guilty. Don’t listen to any naysayers.

OP you won’t even give it a second thought in the few months time...it’s non-issue,

I had a colleague who had HG with both pregnancies and was not in the office for 3 years out of 5.

I had nothing but sympathy for her, especially with the second pregnancy coping with HG and a toddler. Urrrgh.

We got cover. She returned and is as good at her job as ever. In fact she has just stepped up into a more demanding role whilst being a mum to young children. I think she's a superstar. No one thought she was a CF.

Listen to your supportive boss and don't give your other colleague another thought. Concentrate on keeping yourself and your little one well.

@foodandwine89 I agree! If someone's signed off sick, the employer should arrange reasonable cover - but of course, that often doesn't happen.

We had this situation a while back, no proper cover when one person was off sick but at least their workload was shared between a few people. Then someone else went on maternity leave and it was a real mess. In the end, the company did hire additional staff.

It depends if everyone else is picking up the slack for you not being there?

I would say there is definitely an element of people feeling aggrieved about others’ maternity leave, and also that you feel guilty about doing it. Especially when you have more than one child, I had three mat leaves and always felt guilty on announcing my next pregnancy at work. But. When you have a baby your priorities change. The most important thing is your health and the baby’s health, and then meeting their needs when they are born comes above all else. It’s just not worth feeling bad, making yourself work when you need to be off sick, because the consequences are not worth it. So while you may feel a tinge of guilt or miss your previous working life, it’s just not going to trump doing what you need to do for yourself and your babies.

@Karenisbaren that isn't OPs fault.

your sickness is your business and his is his business, surely?
It's a shame if it ruins a perfectly good working relationship but take one thing at a time and handle it when the time comes.

The real issue is the difficulty or reluctance to provide cover. I've been the mug doing 2-3 people's jobs due to long holidays and sick leave and it's shit.

It very much depends on bad your HG has been. Some people will have it so bad they have become malnutritioned, are so weak they haven't left their house for month, and can hardly function. I've met 2 people like this in my life and I felt so sorry for them. Both of them said they would never get pregnant again and haven't.

I have also know people suffering from it who were off for many months, yet seemed to be looking quite fresh, still going shopping, to the gym etc...A colleague who lived close to her saw her out regularly and she grew to believe she was half as poorly as she was claiming and yes, did end up resenting her as she hadn't been replaced and most of the extra work fell on her.

Maybe it was unfair because she was out just the few times she was ok, or maybe she was just sick a couple of times in the morning and then was ok, but chose not to work. Only that person knows.

So it all comes down to how bad it is and if indeed there is absolutely no way you could have done any work during all that time.

Some people - m and f - are just really weird about maternity leave and sickness in pregnancy, whether related or un-. You need to shrug and get on with life without concerning yourself about what your colleague is thinking and doing.

If you're working together again later on and he gets snarky, remind him that he had his time, too, and ask whether he has anything to show for it as lovely as a little human being.

I got pregnant six weeks into a new job just after giving up hope of conceiving after five years of infertility. I had been interviewed alongside three men and it was clear they wanted to balance genders in the department but alparently I aced the interview.

The pregnancy was a life-threatening ectopic with emergency surgery etc and six weeks recovery before I could drive to work again. My new boss and colleagues all said they were just glad I was alive and my line manager said a man might have had a ruptured appendix anytime, so....

Don't beat yourself up.

When I did finally fall pregnant successfully it was a high risk twin pregnancy and I was signed off from weeks 10 to 16, then went back for a fortnight or so before summer holidays and went on mat. leave at 28 weeks, so I worked a total of nine or ten weeks that pregnancy!

No blame, no guilt.

He's probably much more likely to have said "there's way too much work to manage now that Wish is off, I can't cope"

Rather than "Wish is taking the piss with this pregnancy this isn't she?"

If he had have contacted you because he was stressed you'd have grounds to complain because you're not supposed to be contacted while you're on Mat Leave.

If he's ill, he's ill. It's neither your business nor your problem.
If you return to work and he creates and atmosphere, then you have a case.