A bit of a long 1 so sorry in advance for that
Back story
I live 150 miles away from my dad's side of the family. My dm split from my dad 20+ years ago and I went no contact with my dad after having dd1 because he put his new wife and business before coming to meet his 1st granchild (it was the final straw after a life time of disappointment)
I hadn't seen or spoken to my dad's side for several years when my cousin got in touch with me though Facebook. We all started talking again and went on to have dd2 and 3 and got married too. They were all invited to the christenings and wedding but only my nan, aunt and her family made the effort to come to them.
We don't drive but made regular 7 hour train rides to go see them. Always staying in a hotel as no 1 had room for us all. But every time we went we all had a great time and they all said they would come see us as they drive and as we live by the sea they would make it a little family holiday too
3 years ago I changed to part time as childcare was getting so expensive and taking more and more of my wages plus dd3 has had to have different appointments do to her learning difficulties so needed a more flexable work life. obviously our income took a massive hit so haven't been able to afford to go and see them since then as train fares alone are £100 plus and now our dc are older we have to have 2 hotel rooms which can work out over 100 a night.
In those 3 years not 1 of them have said they will come see us, they only time we hear from them is if I ring them to see how they are doing. No one ever rings me, I message my cousin but it can take days to get a reply from them
3 of my cousin turned 30 in the last few years. All had massive partys not 1 of them were we invited to. 1 of them did invite us to his partners 30th the week before the event, even tho the had been planning it for months, we couldn't go because it was to late to book time off work (would need the whole weekend off).
I rang my nan today to see how she is and she just spent the entire time moaning that we hadn't been to see her, tried explaining to her that we just don't have the money. She just wouldn't listen kept going on about how much money my cousins make (they all do make a good living but they all had the benefit of having a dad/mum who paid for their uni costs). I don't have brilliantly paid job as I'm a a barmaid but the hours suit my family and I enjoy it.
I asked my nan if she would like to come see us 1 weekend instead but as my step grandad has given up driving do to age they can't.
I literally feel like saying if none of you want to make the effort why the hell should I.
Aibu to give up trying with them, if they want a relationship with me and my family they need to step up and prove it or should I keep trying. We all get along great when together but it feels like we are forgotten again about once we leave