Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not tell him i'm thinking of breaking up

7 replies

mkmo · 08/01/2020 14:06

Very very nervous posting this so please be kind.

We have a business together, we have a great life, have been seeing each other for 2 years but known each other for much longer, but something just isn't right. He's not the one for me. I love him but not in the way I should. The problem is I change my mind. Just before Christmas he was the man of my dreams and I felt so lucky. Nothing has changed in our relationship and I dont know why Im having doubts, but the love just isn't there right and I have felt this way a few times in the past two years only for it to return. Hes a great man, but surely if it was right then I wouldn't be thinking this way?

We don't have a perfect relationship but everything that is wrong isn't visible. For example, hes a workaholic and I don't voice it very often but I really would like to be with someone who enjoyed life a bit more and had a more relaxed lifestyle.

Hes in love with me and this will come as a shock since we have discussed marriage and kids. I feel so bad for him but it will also turn my life upside down as we run a business together which I put all my savings into what will happen to that? He financially supports me a significant amount, I am going to have to get a better side job to rent somewhere myself. im broke really. All my friends were his first or are couples and we do couples things together so I don't really have anyone. I know I can stay living this way for a long time but it feels wrong.

Does anyone have any advice for me? Please be kind im feeling very lonely.

I know deep down I need to break it off soon as its not fair on him but I feel I need to get myself into a better position first. I keep changing my mind but as soon as I bring it up with him it will be over, and I don't think ive made a decision yet. I dont even know if i'm brave enough to do it. I feel sick to my stomach. AIBU to not tell him i'm thinking of breaking up if I havent yet made a decision?

OP posts:
IncrediblySadToo · 08/01/2020 14:15

No YANBU sometimes you really do have to look after yourself, especially when you’re in a vulnerable position

It’s too difficult to go in here but you need a good plan wrt to the business, your money and your share in it - plus what will actually happen to the business.

Things you need to start thinking about...

How much did you each put in?
What’s it worth now?
Can you do the actual work of the business or him? (The actual work the business sells, not the running of the business)
What money do each if you have personally?

Just because the friends started off as his or partners of his friends doesn’t mean they’re not your friends. Where are your friends & family?

How old are you/is he?

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 · 08/01/2020 14:17

Just a random thought but if your feelings have changed for no reason, could it be hormonal? Have you changed contraception recently?

HollowTalk · 08/01/2020 14:19

Were you working together before you started a relationship?

Proseccopeach · 08/01/2020 14:21

How come he financially supports you but you say you run a business together? Surely you get equal pay? Or are you an investor to his business? Do you have documents stating your contributions to the business?

mkmo · 08/01/2020 14:25

Thank you for responding. We are both young in our mid 20s and have put equal amounts into the business, which has been a significant sum for both of us and we own it 50:50. We run it equally.

My parents are very supportive but in a different country and not very well off. My friends are all over the world and are wonderful but generally not great at contact and replying to messages. The only friends I have where I live now have known my partner a lot longer. I highly expect my partner will need space and wont want to see me for a very long time. I think he will feel very hurt and I have seen him give the silent treatment before and go quiet and serious when things are awkward and he doesn't know how to deal with them. Since my friend group all meet up together and my parter wouldn't want to see me I will step aside.

He has a small amount saved up personally, I have nothing. I know I will be ok in the end I am very optimistic but I will need a source of income more than my side job just to be able to afford my basic bills. I am very worried about the businesses, we have put everything into it and it is both of our dreams. I would happily run it along side him as friends but I doubt he would feel the same.

OP posts:
mkmo · 08/01/2020 14:29

We were long time friends and started the business and our relationship at the same time, it made sense at the time. I know it seems crazy, but we were so close.

I have known it wasn't right for a very long time even though I couldn't pin point the one reason why. I have been in denial. I haven't changed contraception.

We have kept all the profits from the business in the business. We survive financially on part time jobs 15h a week. His earns thrice as much as mine. We are not well off and the business couldn't support two salaries yet. It could do at the end of this year we predict.

We live frugally and it suits us both

OP posts:
NotAVirtue · 08/01/2020 15:12

No idea on the financials but definitely trust your gut and finish it.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread