Hi
I would appreciate some clarity please.
I've been with my husband for 8 years. He is caring and considerate and would do anything for me and my daughter. But he's also known for his short fuse but not in a harmful way. It is a running joke in my family and they tend to tread carefully around him. He's always got on very well with my family.
However, he has angry 'episodes'. These can vary in scale from a few choice words because of something we've done to upset him, to him saying that he hates his life and wishes he wasn't married.
Over time i've put it down to who he is but its slowly started to affect me. He's never been like it in front of anyone, until very recently and now others have experienced his 'Jekyll and Hyde' personality. Something small can erupt into him throwing nasty comments and accusations about me, my daughter or my family. Most recently he asked for my wedding ring back and said he didn't want to be with me anymore. Unfortunately, because he gets so personal, things escalate and i end up retaliating. My daughter who is 13 was obviously scared because i later found out that she almost dialled 999.
Angry outbursts are happening every few weeks and every time i make notes of whats happened. Its quite sad when i read it back to myself.
A couple of years there was a situation where furniture was broken and the police were called. He was escorted from the house and spent a week elsewhere before i took him back.
He says that he loves us - he doesn't want to lose me and worships the ground we walk on. But how can somebody feel this way and then completely slag off his wife and 13yr old daughter?? Is it acceptable to call a child a 'rude, ignorant, brat' even in a moment of anger?
I've asked him why he gets the way he does but he doesn't think he's doing anything wrong? He says its me because i don't talk to him? He's been very rude to house guests recently, who almost went home because of his attitude, but he doesn't think he's done anything wrong?
To add to this, i believe he is an alcoholic. Over the years I have found empty bottles and cans, usually in the same places in the garage or in his bags if we're away. He never appears to be drunk but sometimes his angry and erratic behaviour is like he needs a fix of something? Unfortunately i now go looking for empties and photograph what i find.
I should add that he is in the military and we are in military housing. I have secretly visited welfare and they have said that there isn't much they can do. They've suggested that my only option is to encourage him to seek couples counselling and if he refuses, to separate. I know he won't go for couples counselling as i suggested this when he smashed the house up. he said he doesn't want anyone else knowing our business.
What do i do????