About disruptive student

[Konmariconvert]

I’m probably going to get a rough ride on this one...

DS is YR7 student, in every one of his lessons there is a student that is very disruptive. He is often seated with my DS. For context DS in top sets and tells me that this student scores very low on every test they do in class and thinks it’s highly amusing.

DS is a very conscientious student and is finding himself struggling to concentrate as this student is constantly talking and messing around. Apparently he does get told off but does the same two minutes later.

I know this student is fostered and has had a really bad start in life so we are trying to show empathy but l need to put DS first so am thinking of speaking with head of year.

Good idea or not? Even if l did what could the school do!

I would suggest that your Son speaks to his tutor and asks the tutor to move him away from the disruptive student.

I am a teacher and it's tough to know where to sit a student who is constantly disruptive, but if it's upsetting your son then he needs to let someone know.

There is no real reason for you to get involved in high school.
Then - if nothing gets done you can email his tutor.

If you e-mail head of year it will likely just get passed down to the tutor anyway.

My daughter was in a very similar situation. I advised her to speak to her teachers. She explained that she couldn't concentrate in class due to the disruptive boy who had been placed next to her & asked to be moved. Fortunately as she spoke up for herself, & was moved, I didn't need to contact school myself.

I agree with others about encouraging your DS to talk to teachers about the seating arrangements. Do your school use teacher emails? My elder DS finds this an easier way to get messages to his teachers and it means we can work on them together if he's struggling.

I think dealing with a variety of people in life resilience building is important. So is sharing the love for the child that needs it. Maybe your DS could come up with some fairer suggestions to put to the school like sitting with this child in just one subject and/or termly rotation so he'd know it's only for a term.

It's a compliment to your child really. Teachers try to 'buffer' disruptive kids by putting the really excellent ones around them in the hopes it rubs off. In addition the really good ones aren't going to be led by the disruptive ones whereas if you put the borderline kids next to the disruptive ones there can be a domino effect and then there's a whole class issue. If it's a top set the teacher should in theory have more than a few pupils as good as your son and should rotate these so yes ask for him to be moved

When I had extremely disruptive kids, I usually sat them next to a very well behaved child, in the hope that a) they’d see them as a good role model and b) the well behaved child wouldn’t join in the disruption like other children might be tempted to. However, I did change which child was sat next to him regularly, as I knew no one really wanted to be sat with him. Sad but true 🙁

Your child is year 7. How old is that. About 11?

I don’t agree with this idea that your 11 year old child should have to take this up with teachers. 11 is still a baby. I think you, as a parent, should raise it and point out that your child’s education is being disrupted. It’s sad that the other child has problems, but it’s not appropriate to mess up your small child’s education to accommodate that.

Complain. Hopefully they move the disruptive child. Sorry, but he isn't your son's problem. He isn't going to suddenly start working because he's sat beside a good worker. The most probable result is your son will do badly in that lesson.

The school needs to do more for the other boy, but not at the expense of yours.

Sounds harsh, but I'm sorry, I'm not going to allow my child to struggle in a lesson so another child can mess around. It will only impact on my child. I doubt that other kid in 10 years time is going to reminisce about how good my kid was at X subject. However, it is likely that my child, as a result, could drop a grade and result in losing out on a place at X university.

To be honest, most children are pretty good (or lack a filter!) at speaking up to teachers, so if your child is happy to do this, then encourage him. You could maybe write a discreet note in his planner to show the teacher. Worst case scenario, ask the head of Year to email all the teachers to say your child mustn’t be sat with the disruptive one. I get emails all the time saying ‘Please ensure Mustafa is not sitting near Daniel’ with a reason. It’s often accompanied by a rider of ‘Don't talk to Daniel about this/be subtle’.

I think it’s really shit that your child suffers because of this other child. It’s just not fair. I’d be very cross if I thought my child was being used in this way. There’s usually a removal system in place.

One of the problems with secondary is that each teacher is working with the class independently, and so they are probably unaware that your son has drawn the short straw in several subjects at the same time.

Most teachers do swap things around from time to time, and most will listen to a child who stays at break to say "I'm really struggling to concentrate sitting next to N" and consider whether it's time for a swap.

If he doesn't deal with it for himself, perhaps contact the form teacher and explain that although your son is happy to take his turn, he's not getting much respite at the moment. Maybe ask son which subjects it's most of a problem in - that would give the form tutor an idea of which teachers to approach.

Speak to the teacher. I was always sat next to a disruptive child who took the mick out of me.
They didn't get better, but i hated going to lessons

@CarolinaPink 11 is NOT a "baby". What a ridiculous thing to say.

11 is the perfect age to teach your child to speak to teachers if there is an issue. I would definitely encourage him to speak to the teacher before you do OP. I hate the method of sitting a disruptive child next to one who is more conscientious. it rarely works and just stresses that child out in my experience. If it continues once your child has spoken up then I would get involved

Are their names near each other in the alphabet? It could be chance. Or it could be because they think your ds is a good influence. 11 is not too young to be able to talk either to each teacher or year head. If though your ds is top set and this child struggles it may sort itself out naturally anyway.

I think you should call and ask to speak to the head of year. He/she may then speak to your son. It's easier than expecting an 11 yr old to approach the teacher thus attracting attention of the misbehaving child.

DS can be disruptive. I’ve told the teachers to put him at the back, so less children around and he won’t get told off for turning round. Usually has no one next to him for the same reason.

This works.

I wouldn’t worry about the disruptive child, worry about your DS and yes speak to the head - keep to ‘DS so struggling to concentrate’ DS can’t hear the teacher over the talking DS feels he’s not working to full potential etc

@GreenTulips top sets are usually quite large so there might not be the space to seat on his own also there's the problem of inclusion etc. The child is probably deeply troubled and may have all sorts of abandonment issues. I'd be very uncomfortable about isolating him away from other pupils

OP said he was top set, doesn’t mean all the classes are streamed, most aren’t in year 7.

Besides, I wasn’t suggesting the OP insist this child moves into isolation, I was saying it works for some distributive kids - teacher further up suggested it was difficult knowing where to place them. Just because they can be disruptive doesn’t mean the parents don’t care about their education or understand the problems they cause.

You can't ask the teacher to do anything about the other child, only your own. So it needs to be 'please can my child be assigned a new seat as in his current place he is being distracted and this is having a negative impact on his learning'.

I spent 12 years teaching secondary. Nice, bright kids are used as a buffer. It's not fair on them but it's a necessary evil - you can't put all the naughty / troubled / disruptive ones together or they wind each other up, and you can't put them on their own as a) no space and b) it's not helping them. BUT it should be only for a limited time, and not in every class.