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Original poster

Daughter being bullied at school

28 replies

lexi873 · 07/01/2020 16:32

Hi everyone,
My daughter started secondary school in September and is in Year 7, she’s been getting on great no problems at all but it seems over the Christmas holidays she’s had a fall out with a couple of friends.
I can’t really make sense of what it’s all about but it just seems to be girls silliness and all saying things about each other which has culminated in two girls turning on my daughter (these two were best friends from primary school previously so I guess they’d stick together) and they’ve all gone back to school yesterday and it’s turned pretty nasty!
Examples - Approaching my daughter in the corridor when she’s with other friends and asking these other kids why they’re friends with my daughter and why do they like her?
Also writing Snapchat statuses saying “Who actually likes S (my daughter) yes or no?”
I have screenshotted these messages but I’m unsure what to do if anything?
I picked her up from school today and she dissolved into tears as soon as she saw me, said these two girls have tried to take her other friends away and leave my daughter stood alone etc.
If they don’t want to be my daughters friend then fine but trying to make other kids dislike her too is just bloody nasty isn’t it.
Do I go to the school and ask for action?
I have the mobile number of one of the mums from a group sleepover a couple of months ago should I message her even though I’ve never spoken to her before?
Will any of these things make it worse? My daughter doesn’t even want to go to school tomorrow ☹️
Thankyou

OP posts:
Boom45 · 07/01/2020 16:35

I'd talk to the school. Not the other girl's mum though, that's rarely a good idea. And it sounds horrible for your daughter, I hope shes ok and it passes.

Original poster
lexi873 · 07/01/2020 16:37

Thanks for replying, I hope it passes too!
I was going to say or do I just keep my beak out and hope it resolves itself as children and friendships are so fickle.
I don’t want to be that over bearing parent that wades in!
But seeing her upset isn’t nice.

OP posts:
loutypips · 07/01/2020 16:39

Have a look on the schools website for their bullying policy.
Make a list of all the things that they are doing and approach the school with this and the screenshots that you have.

PsychosonicCindy · 07/01/2020 16:39

Go straight to head of year don't speak to girls mum. A good school will stamp on this straight away.

loutypips · 07/01/2020 16:39

No, don't leave it. These things tend to escalate, so it needs nipping in the bud now.

Gwilt160981 · 07/01/2020 16:40

Go into the school and speak with the teachers and mention the Snapchats.

Hoppinggreen · 07/01/2020 16:42

Don’t contact the parent, go and see the Head of a Year.
They should take the Snapchat stuff very seriously

maddening · 07/01/2020 16:43

Yes nip in bud via school asap

Goodnightjude1 · 07/01/2020 16:45

Definitely nip it in the bud ASAP. As pp have said, it can quickly escalate and she should never feel that she doesn’t want to go to school.
I have a fiery temper and on occasion when someone has picked on my child I’ve gone straight to the parent of said child and laid right in to them.
I’ve learned this solves nothing...it only makes people defensive of their own children! Go to the head, let them deal with it!

Soontobe60 · 07/01/2020 16:47

We have had similar in my (primary) school between a group of girls, one parent showed us the screen shots and we got the girls and their parents in. It continued the following week and three of the worst offenders ended up with fixed term exclusions two days before Christmas. They return to school tomorrow as the exclusion was for five days in total.
As a school we take cyber bullying VERY seriously.

sameasiteverwasantiques · 07/01/2020 16:47

I agree contact school as soon as possible. Don't contact the parents would make it a lot worse.

canijustaskonemorething · 07/01/2020 16:51

My friend’s daughter was suspended from school (and rightly so) for doing something similar on snap chat. She was 13 at the time.

She took a picture of the other girl and put it on snapchat/Instagram stories with a caption similar to what these girls are writing.

The school took it very seriously thus resulting in her suspension.

I’d take it to the school and make it clear you want it dealt with.

All the while tell your daughter that social media is the work of the devil and these girls while awful now will mean absolutely nothing to her in a few years.

Wineislifex · 07/01/2020 16:55

I think speak to her head of year tomorrow, show them the screenshots of the nasty msgs and let them deal with it. It is very common for fall outs at this age but it needs addressing and stopping quickly before it escalates.

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 07/01/2020 16:57

I’d start with her form tutor, who will make the head of year aware if necessary.

Livebythecoast · 07/01/2020 16:58

I sympathise OP. Had it with my DD too. She's year 11 now so much older and can hold her own now but year 7 was awful.
Echo pp - speak to the school (HOY). It's so upsetting for your DD and you as her Mum. Fine if they don't want to be friends with her but just plan nasty to encourage others to turn against her.
I hope you get it resolved quickly. Tell your DD that people only bully others cos they don't actually like themselves very much and it makes them feel better.

pictish · 07/01/2020 17:02

Speak to the school. Other parents will only ever act in the interests of their own children so you won’t find any wingmen there. If their kid chooses to side with the bully they’ll defend their right to choose their own friends and offer no further comment, particularly if you don’t really know one another. She’s not going to get involved.

This behaviour is common and very nasty. I feel dreadfully for your daughter.

Speak to the school and show them the social media bullying too. Get straight in there and ask them for advice on how to move forward.

Didthatreallyhappen2 · 07/01/2020 17:05

DD has been bullied on and off for years - for no other reason than she's a wonderfully quirky individual who loves sciences and maths. Unfortunately I've got A LOT of experience of dealing with bullying.

If I was you I would let the school know immediately about what is going on, as the Snapchat issue is very serious. Tonight have a look at the school's bullying procedure (it should be online), and be ready to quote it chapter and verse (hopefully it won't come to that, but forewarned is forearmed and all that).

Fingers crossed it will all blow over, and things will calm down. I would never approach the parents, just because often they will defend "little Tarquin" to the hilt, regardless of whether they are a bully or not.

If things continue, keep a note of who you talk to and what is said. Be ready to escalate it IF you feel it isn't being dealt with. Form teacher, Head of Year, Head of Pastoral, Headmaster, Board of Governors.

You are your child's best champion. I hope you get this sorted out quickly.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 07/01/2020 17:06

Good God no don't just leave it. It's n ot just a kids fall out it's abuse.
and of course she doesn't wa nt to go to school tomorrow. Would any of us want to go to work tomorrow if we had to face that abuse.
.

FlamingoQueen · 07/01/2020 17:07

Ask to speak to the Head of Year in the morning. Do not mention this to other parents. School can then monitor the situation. I hope that your dd is ok. Cannot stand bullying,

DubiousGoals · 07/01/2020 17:24

Thanks Thanks for your DD.

I was so badly bullied at school I ended up with a nervous breakdown and PTSD. It's an awful, soul-destroying thing to go through.

Please speak to the Head of Year ASAP, and if necessary escalate to the Headteacher. Screenshot all SM posts etc. Don't contact the bitches' girls' parents yourself as it may make things worse.

I hope you can get it sorted out.

TheFormidableMrsC · 07/01/2020 17:31

Stamp on this now. Don't speak to the other parent, go straight to the school. I had this with my DD, I thought it would work itself out, said all the usual "ignore it, don't rise to it" etc. The school in my case handled it all very badly unfortunately (and have since changed their policies). My DD ended up having a breakdown and I had to remove her from the school and place her at a school in another town. I wish I had intervened sooner. Please go in hard NOW and get this dealt with immediately. Take all evidence of SM posts and anything else you can find. I really do hope your poor DD is OK Flowers

hettie · 07/01/2020 17:32

You can email this evening and ask for an urgent meeting. Attach the screenshots to the email- form tutor and head of year

Boom45 · 07/01/2020 17:35

A falling out among kids is one thing, but this sounds like bullying and the school needs to know.

Original poster
lexi873 · 07/01/2020 17:39

Thankyou so much for all the replies, I’ll definitely be speaking to the school in the morning.

OP posts:
Rosebel · 07/01/2020 17:42

Don't go to the parents,, it never works out very well. I would go to the school and talk to her year head but I would be prepared to keep going back. We've had awful problems with our youngest being bullied
We have been to the school countless times and had to threaten to remove her from school. However it does seem to have settled down at last.