Thankyous

[Tempotempo]

I spent a lot of time choosing presents for my nephew and niece ages 8 and 6, who we live a long way away from and don't see much. We never get a thank you from the children who get the pesents or from their parents. We had a photo from MIL with my neice wearing one of the presents, which is nice, but I feel a bit sad. AIBU?

No - it’s rude. Doesn’t have to be a big deal with letters running into pages, either - a postcard is fine, or even a text or email. But if you’ve gone to the bother of choosing and sending a gift, then you should expect it to be acknowledged.

Times have changed unfortunately. Some of the kids today have no manners. When I was a kid I had to phone people up to say thanks, and people appreciated hearing from us. Now this day and age it's parents thanking on the kids behalf. I'm cutting down on gifts each year.

YANBU, I would expect a thank note or pic/whatsapp message at the least. If you want to keep sending a present I'd take less trouble - £5 Amazon voucher for example. I must say this has caused some hassle in DH's family as our DS always sends a thank you note, but others don't. Relative now only sends to the ones that said thank you... and some feel very left out.

I received a handwritten letter today from one of my grandchildren aged 10. It was a complete joy. His Mum had told him that Grandmas like to hear some news, not just thank you for my present. I have 10 grandchildren, I keep all their letters. I am very lucky but it is down to the parents to teach them. I will write him a letter too, he loves to get one and he then understands the pleasure. Handwritten letters are slipping away from us

I've always taught my kids to send thank you notes. Not massive long drawn out things. Just little cards and inside they write 'Dear X, Thank you for blah blah, I really like it/like playing with it/whatever, Love Y' Doesn't take long and I know grandparents/god parents in particular appreciate it.

Exactly, a small thank you would mean a lot. I don't mean a long letter or anything, we're not grandparents just aunt/uncle.

The parents should thank you for sure.

I think saying thank you is basic manners tbh.

I think so too, thank you Oh well.

My DD is 16 now and has always sent thank you cards for presents/money etc. She's done it from an early age and I did when I was younger too. Not only is it polite but it reassures the sender that they actually received the gift.

You are definitely not being unreasonable. It is completely unacceptable for gifts not to even be acknowledged. Everyone has a phone and could send a quick text or whatsapp if not a formal letter.

I have a couple of teenage neices who i don't send presents to any more because they literally never send the briefest acknowledgement. It's so rude. And they are always on their phones!

...I mean they are always on their phones so it wouldn't be a hardship to send a quick text.

Yanbu

But, we are in the minority

My kids always write (under pressure from me of course)! They haven't done it this year yet as we've just come back from holiday but definitely by the end of the week. Even a text would be ok but a card is nicer. At age six though the parents would be supervising this so blame them. And as it's your sibling (or your parners) why not say something?

Personally I hate thank you cards, emails, etc. Cos the cards go in the bin. I may not see an email for a couple of days so will get texts asking if I have seen the email. I end up replying to texts which can sometimes turn out to be a few texts to one person. I don't like phone thank yous because it ends up talking shite to a kid.

If I give a gift, them saying thank you there and then is enough. If it's someone abroad then a text to say they got it and a quick thank you is fine. But I've nieces and nephews who thank me in person, then they get home and I get a text, then a few days later I'll get a card. It's ott and no need for it.

Lots of people expect written thanks, some even like more than one thanks, dhs family are big into written thank yous, they actually pass the phone around them all saying thanks and what they'll do with the money or how they've always wanted this toy etc, the calls can last for up to an hour, then they always do a written card, I got 12 this year just after Christmas, they all went in the bin. It's a waste of time energy and money doing this.

My own kids thank people there and then if it's from abroad they'll pop a quick text, if too young to text I send one to say it arrived and thank you. If people don't like that then unfortunately we're not going to change, so might even work out and people send less presents.

I would stop sending presents if I didn't get a thank you

Yanbu. It takes 10 seconds for the parents to send a quick text saying thank you.

Out of interest, do you expect thank you cards from adult gift recipients? I never receive thank you cards from my adult family for their own birthday, Christmas etc but they send them on behalf of their children.

Whilst I don’t mind not receiving cards at all, I’m amused by the lack of “thank you” from the adults. Disclaimer: I’m the same and only send them from the children!

Out of interest, do you expect thank you cards from adult gift recipients?

Not necessarily a card, but a text or email? Yes, I would. And i would send a card myself under most circumstances (and a text or email otherwise).

Funnily enough, we received a thank you card from my uncle today for his Christmas gift....I think my DC may have prompted him into it!!!

Rude. I expect a text/ email/ whatsapp at minimum but really like written thank you letters.
DS does written thank you letters to everyone.
I stop sending presents after a year or two if I’m not thanked.

And yes I send thank yous myself, some written and some cards depending on who it is to.

Our kids write thank you cards for all the presents they receive. I always tell them if someone is kind enough to buy you a present, then you have to be polite enough to say thank you. This year was the first year it has been slightly easier (as they are a bit older now so don’t have to supervise every single written word!).

For me it depends. If my son can thank people in person within a couple of days of getting a gift, we tend to do that.

If not, we send thank you cards.

Personally I would be happy with a card or text.

I spent a lot of time choosing presents for my nephew and niece. We never get a thank you from the children or from their parents. I feel a bit sad.

^^ The very reason it’s important to send thank you cards. It’s just plain manners.

We were always taught to send a thank you card for a present or for an invite to a special meal or a visit to someone’s house for a weekend or something like that. We did all of our Christmas ones last week and they went in the post. I would expect the same from my family members. My 6 year old loves doing cards and posting them.