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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to not want to help?

14 replies

Mamalexi343 · 07/01/2020 11:52

I just don't know if I'm being unfair so opinions would be greatly received.

So I've heard through a friend that a mum at my dd's school is wanting to talk to me and ask my advice as she has been told her dd1 may have a health condition that I have and wants some advice from me about it however the issue I have is her dd2 has been relentlessly bully my dd to the point that DD has developed anxiety over going to school and having to deal with her and has been in bits the last few days about returning after the Christmas period (the school has been no help whatsoever and I'm planning on meeting with the head and going to the board of governors if needed if it continues this week, the school promotes a safe and bully free environment but it's actually rife with bullying and injuries, DD doesn't feel safe).

My DD blurted out to mum that her dd has been bullying her and she told DD to stop being so sensitive (this pissed me off) and has done nothing about it despite us having a conversation about it all and now I can't help but feel how can she have the balls to now ask for my help when she won't do anything to help the situation between the girls even though she is fully aware of it.

Aibu? In reality there is nothing I can really advise her on as my own condition is barely managed and ignored by HCP so I don't know what I can do but if I'm being honest I don't want to help at all.

My first instinct is always to help those who need it however in this case that instinct hasn't kicked in and it's irritated me more than anything. What do I do and how do I go about it?

OP posts:
ActualHornist · 07/01/2020 12:00

If she approaches you, you can either be bold and ask her why she thinks you’d have anything to do with her, or just swerve her questions as much as possible.

I wouldn’t want to help either, but I’d just ignore until the mother actually talks to you directly. I suspect she’s mentioned she knows you have the same condition so maybe she’ll talk to you, but she probably won’t.

If she texts you, direct her to this website Grin

cstaff · 07/01/2020 13:27

Tell her that when she sorts out the problem with her daughter and that your daughter stops dreading going to school as a result of same, that you might consider it but before that she can go and feck off. Cheeky bitch.

Whynosnowyet · 07/01/2020 13:30

Tell her your time is all taken up dealing with the aftermath of her nasty dd.

HomeMadeMadness · 07/01/2020 13:30

Wow is this definitely the best school if they're ignoring bullying. Of course you're under no obligation to help this woman, especially as she hasn't been of any help to your DD.

OneDay10 · 07/01/2020 13:36

Nope yanbu. I wouldnt think twice , let her go find help somewhere else.

Mamalexi343 · 07/01/2020 14:20

Thank you all, I was doubting myself as it's not in my nature to refuse help but I really don't think I can do it, not after watching the impact it has all had on DD.

If I'm honest this mum is a little bit scary, her mood can change instantly over the tiniest thing and can fly off the handle at any moment as well as being a gets what she wants regardless of others kind of person (can kind of see where dd2 gets it)

She will definitely talk to me as we all stand together to collect the kids so just gonna distance myself from her.

OP posts:
Mamalexi343 · 07/01/2020 14:20

Going to collect DD now so wish me luck!

OP posts:
FruitcakeOfHate · 07/01/2020 14:25

Ignore. Practice responding to her for when she confronts you. 'I prefer to leave all assistance a d guidance regarding this to professionals.' 'I don't mix my personal life with school socialisation.' 'I keep my personal life private.'

OhMeows · 07/01/2020 14:33

"Your daughter has bullied my daughter this year and you've done nothing to help. Why do you think I should help you now?"

I'd say the above very matter of factly, no aggressive tone of voice, just asking her.

littlepaddypaws · 07/01/2020 15:04

why would anyone think yabu ?? she's cf who needs to sort out her attitude, her dd's bad behaviour and speak to her own gp, assumunig that's not you !

Quartz2208 · 07/01/2020 15:09

because at Dd who potentially has the condition presumably has to deal with this her mother and her sister and is actually completely separate to all of this.

It is a horrible horrible situation the OP DD finds herself in and the OP should raise this with the school and get it dealt with. But simply giving basic advice to help is the right thing to do. Not the easiest I grant you.

OhMeows · 11/01/2020 21:26

How did you deal with it OP?

Mamalexi343 · 11/01/2020 23:06

@OhMeows thank you for checking in.

I basically kept my distance and stood on the other side of the group (we stand in a line don't know why we just do lol) and she's talking at the top of her voice about how dd1 should now get special treatment from the school and they should do this and she needs that and all that jazz and my friend (could have kicked her at the time) went oh mamalexi you have that you can help her!

Mum started walking to me and thankfully they let the kids out at that moment so legged it to DD and left, haven't heard from her so hoping she's forgotten and that'll be the end of it.

Also happy to report DD full on stood up for herself and practically told dd1 to do one and leave her alone and stop bullying her and she's had a great rest of the week, even got a headteacher award today so very proud mama right here lol

OP posts:
OhMeows · 14/01/2020 15:10

Fab, well done DD!

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