Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unwanted gift

35 replies

Yellowturn · 07/01/2020 11:47

I bought some friends tickets to an event as theirChristmas present. I'd put a lot of thought in and booked with good intentions thinking it was right up their street, local, (used some tactical questioning and found out they had no plans on this day, too). To cut a long story short, they've decided not to go. I've found out just in time (through asking, I'm not sure if they had the heart to tell me outright) so I contacted the venue and I've paid a fee to transfer the tickets (refunds not in their policy). Another set of friends have said they'd quite like to go, so DH and I will make an event of it with them next month. If I hadn't asked, the tickets would've just gone unused.

I've obviously been really off the mark with my gift buying and I wouldn't want to force anyone to attend something that they don't want to go to, so I'm not upset with them, but I'm a little disheartened that I've got it wrong (even though they've loved stuff like this in the past).

AIBU to not replace the gift with anything if I'm technically reusing the value of their tickets (minus fees) to use them myself and treat another set of friends? We wouldn't necessarily be going if I hadn't already booked the old tickets. It feels wrong that I've not really got them anything now, but I'm also not really flush with cash myself at the moment.

OP posts:
NoMorePoliticsPlease · 07/01/2020 11:49

It was a risky present but no harm done. Take the other friends but I wouldnt buy a replacement present. Surprises are nevr e great idea. Another time ask first. They will be embarassed

Quicklittlenamechange · 07/01/2020 11:51

Yabu
Once you have handed over a gift its not for you to interfere.
You effectively gave it, then took it back

Original poster
Yellowturn · 07/01/2020 11:56

Just to add, they suggested I use the tickets, so not to waste them.

OP posts:
Nondescriptname · 07/01/2020 11:56

They gave the gift back.
You could give them a small present, if you like, but I don't think it's necessary.

If you had given them a vase that they didn't like, and they regretfully returned it to you, you wouldn't feel obliged to get them something else.

misspiggy19 · 07/01/2020 11:57

Don’t buy them another gift. They have forfeited it.

caperplips · 07/01/2020 11:58

I think that is very rude of your friends to be honest. Why would they not go?
I don't think I'd bother with big gifts like that in the future - wine / chocolates from now on.

Nondescriptname · 07/01/2020 11:59

It could start a marketing trend, tho.

Jolly January!
Time to get 2nd gifts for your disappointed recipients.
Maybe you can get it right this time!!
Xmas Grin

SunshineAngel · 07/01/2020 11:59

That's a shame as it sounds like you put a lot of thought into it, but at least your other friends will be able to enjoy the event.

I tend to give gifts that are slightly less individual for this reason. As much as people say food and drink gifts are impersonal, at least I know for a fact that they're going to get used and enjoyed!

ohprettybaby · 07/01/2020 12:03

If you had given them a vase that they didn't like, and they regretfully returned it to you, you wouldn't feel obliged to get them something else
I would. I'd see if I could get a refund on the vase and then buy them something else.

OP, you just got it wrong this time but I would still buy the couple something to replace the venue tickets, especially as you have had them back, otherwise you've not given them a Christmas present. Did they buy you one?

GoodDogBellaBoo · 07/01/2020 12:29

Maybe just in invite them over for a nice dinner and wine instead?

gamerchick · 07/01/2020 12:32

No replacement. Enjoy your thing OP.

lunasunshine · 07/01/2020 12:32

Definitely don’t get them another gift! You’ve done your part already. Hopefully they will appreciate the thoughtfulness even if they’re not able to make the event themselves.

Enjoy the event and don’t give it another thought.

smartiecake · 07/01/2020 12:33

Hell no dont get them anything else. You got them a gift. They didn't want it so have given it back. End of

SallyWD · 07/01/2020 12:34

I don't think you need to buy a replacement.

Thingsthatgo · 07/01/2020 12:35

I wouldn’t get them anything else. Apart from everything else it’ll add to their embarrassment.

Drum2018 · 07/01/2020 12:36

Considering many people regift stuff they get or pass on to charity, you're not the only one who gives unwanted gifts. At least your friend told you in good time that she wasn't interested and offered you the tickets back. I wouldn't bother getting her a replacement gift at all. But if you feel inclined then @GoodDogBellaBoo suggestion of having her for dinner is a nice idea.

Clevererthanyou · 07/01/2020 12:36

They were ungrateful and obviously your gifts are so badly unappreciated that you needn’t bother getting them anything at all in future. You can however treat yourself.

Hobbesmanc · 07/01/2020 12:37

aww that's a little disappointing but there could be lots of reasons- maybe they are doing dry January and don't want to be sociable or be tempted to drink. Or one is feeling run down.

Personally if it was from close friends I would have made the effort though

Beautiful3 · 07/01/2020 12:54

No replacement needed really.

Blackberrybunnet · 07/01/2020 12:56

I don't think you need to but them a replacement - they offered your the tickets back, its not as though you asked for them

VanGoghsDog · 07/01/2020 13:02

Are the other friends getting the tickets free then?
If so, could they buy something for the original owners, just flowers or wine?

Original poster
Yellowturn · 07/01/2020 13:07

Thanks all. I think as suggested I'll invite them round for dinner instead.

It's not unusual for us to buy experiences rather than material gifts and we've known each other since primary school so I'd like to think we're pretty in tune to each others tastes. Just to answer one question, we usually only buy for the kids nowadays but I wanted to get them both something as they helped me through a tough time and I felt that I should do something thoughtful for them that was specific to their interests. Just a bit misplaced this time!

OP posts:
HomeMadeMadness · 07/01/2020 13:10

Don't buy them a replacement. With gift giving you win some and lose some. I'm sure you've been given physical gifts before that you haven't ended up using but you would never want a replacement gift instead.

HomeMadeMadness · 07/01/2020 13:10

I'm sure they still appreciate the time and effort you went to.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 07/01/2020 13:20

Did they say or indicate why they weren't going to go - and, if so, did they sound like genuine reasons or brush-offs (not that they needed to give any reason or to feel obliged to go if they didn't want to)?

Was it an all-inclusive gift or would it have necessitated extra expense on their part for babysitting, travel, accommodation etc - or using annual leave from work?

I'm thinking of the recent thread where the OP lives in the Highlands and was given a gift experience voucher which could be used at 'many locations across the UK' but very few places anywhere in Scotland, let alone somewhere within a couple of hours of her home, and mostly concentrated around London and the south-east.

Swipe left for the next trending thread