Hi
This is probably a long one.
I have 2 DC. Dd is 21 months and under paediatric review for autism. I love her more than life but I'm finding this so hard to deal with. Ds Is nearly 7mo and doesn't sleep past 1am. Dh is at uni studying for a job that has quite a few placements with crazy working hours.
I'm on mat leave still and just feel like I'm losing it. I went to the dr in October because my memory is a mess. I can do something and 2 minutes later literally have no recollection. I thought I would be told its because of the lack of sleep but the dr diagnosed pnd. I was surprised at the time but now know shes right. I'm not on any meds but was offered.
This is where it gets hard. I've been with dh 14 years, we met at 6th form were early 30s now. In the first couple of months he was messaging this girl who lived 100s of miles away and I found out. He apologised said nothing would have happened he just like the attention. I gave him a second chance and he's still on it. We've had a solid happy relationship.
Now though I have this massive anxiety around him being at uni with other girls. Obviously half the population is female but theres just something making me feel physically sick about this. My personality has also changed, I feel like I want to be controlling, I checked his phone and found nothing suspect barring his browser always being in private mode. I can also burst into tears at the drop of a hat.
What I want opinions on is if I'm just under too much pressure and it's me potentially creating these feelings because of the pnd, lack of sleep, stress over dd? If you've had pnd did you ever feel paranoid? Or feel things that weren't true?
I don't know whether this is gut instinct or a sleep deprived, mentally ill, super stressed version of myself just latching on to my worst fears.
I've told dh my worries and he promised theres no one else, I believe him when he tells me but then find myself over analysing everything he does hours later.