Need needy friend to back off

[Fishfingersandwichplease]

Got a friend who l care about and am fond of but she is so insecure and needy l find her a real drain. She gets her nails painted the same colour as me, texts me every single day to see what l am up to that day, then again later to see how my day went (sometimes l reply, sometimes l don't), tries to invite herself with me if l am going somewhere (although have learnt to be quite vague now), wants to be friends with all my friends who don't know her, questions me if l have been tagged in something on Instagram that she didn't know about - find her suffocating but she has very bad anxiety so how to l tell her to back the eff off without upsetting her??!! None of these things sound too bad now l read it back but she is in my face all the time. Thing is when she is having a good day, l love her to bits!!

I think the Australia response is a subtle (not so subtle) reference to another thread where a clearly super needy OP is devastated and absolutely sick with pain that her best friend is moving to Australia and has had arse handed on platter to her rightly or wrongly.

These sort of relationships are often pretty insidious....

They rarely rock up in your life and say.. Min the next months I will be texting several times daily and demanding lots of inappropriate time....

By the time it is obvious you needed to step back now they are completely dependent on you and its then difficult to drop without loads of dramatic fall out

I think the Australia response is a subtle (not so subtle) reference to another thread where a clearly super needy OP is devastated and absolutely sick with pain that her best friend is moving to Australia and has had arse handed on platter to her rightly or wrongly

That makes sense

Fake your death

If she's overtly saying to you that she's doing this due to anxiety, you need to tell her that the answer is to see her GP, not to try to take over your life.

Yep, totally a reference to the "needy" friend thread, I think yesterday or day before. Nothing related to the bloody bushfires, that I believe, would be overly harsh!

I didn't get the 'Move To Australia' hilarity either, and was like eh? But then when someone pointed out the reference to the thread from the last few days, with the ridiculously needy OP who was sick with pain that her friend is moving to Australia, I literally burst out laughing.

Yep @Fishfingersandwichplease whilst it may not be on your to-do list to move to Australia, you could tell her you are moving there, and just block her and ghost her (and move only 10 miles away!)

Ha l didn't get the Australia bit either thought my god l wouldn't want her to burn to death! But having seen the other thread l get it now!! Some great suggestions on here thanks everyone x

Haha I didn’t even make the connection to the other thread.

To be fair, the OP of that thread was very graceful in all her responses to posts. Every AIBU poster should be so responsive!

@Ponoka7 my best friend is suffering from severe anxiety at present, it seems to have escalated over the festive period and now seems to be manifesting itself as health anxiety- I'm getting multiple texts a day from her convinced she has various diseases. Do you have any tips or advice ?
Thanks

@Acunningruse, be honest with her. Tell her that she's at a level where she needs to get help. Support her in that, if she wants help to look for online strategies.

Don't pander to it, or you get sucked in and it affirms for her that her behaviour is OK.

Personally I think these sort of situations just need an honest conversation if you genuinely want to remain friends. She probably has no idea how you feel. Not replying to messages and such without warning might just increase her anxiety

None of these things sound too bad now l read it back

They do actually, Fish.
They sound like she is 8 years old, it must be infuriating.
You are very busy tiptoeing around HER feelings but I wonder if she ever stops to consider yours?

Have you ever bitten the bullet & told her that you feel suffocated when she polices your life & demands every detail of every social interaction?

At some point you are going to lose your cool & snap at her, so better to get it out in the open in a controlled manner.
If she is upset - well that's a shame, but you are also upset about the level of intrusiveness. Why do her feelings trump yours?

If she's overtly saying to you that she's doing this due to anxiety, you need to tell her that the answer is to see her GP, not to try to take over your life.

Exactly this.

Her (diagnosed? or simply claimed as a prop?) anxiety is NOT a get out of jail free card for trampling all over OP's social arrangements & engaging in attention seeking multi-texting.

Tell her you're moving to Yemen

@Nonstopbuttmachine

Tell her you're going to Yemen!

LOL!!!!

I think @pinkdelight suggestion is clever!

I agree with PPs referring to a BFF. I don’t think you have said OP where she fits in to your general group of friends or whether you have other friends but it sounds like you are either her only friend or she sees you as her best friend

Ha ha had one like this a year ago. I blocked her in the end as one day, she sent me messages all day every 20 minutes complaining about everything including the rain!! I said I'd go with her to the doctor about her depression but she replied she couldn't be bothered. So I thought well I'm not being your free counsellor anymore.

Isn’t the Australian reference because of a poster that had a snooping MIL so she left out forms in her bedroom to show they were going to emigrate to Australia (because it’s the other side of the world to the uk).

Why are people saying move to Australia? Because it's burning down?

No!! I'm not psychotic.

There was a thread from a...needy... friend about their best friend moving to Australia the same day as the OP posted. They were right above each other in the stack when I posted which seemed amusing.

I see this from another angle - if you find her so suffocating and annoying it sounds like you don’t respect her in the slightest and certainly don’t see her as a friend. Why could she not be friends with your other friends? You clearly don’t like her! Regardless of the needy behaviour (admittedly questioning you about Instagram pictures is too much) it sounds like you’re stringing along someone who is sensitive and feels they are closer to you than they in fact are.

Yes, OP, why don’t you let yourself be Wendied out of your own friendships group?

I think I’ve been this friend before sadly, and I don’t understand what I did wrong. I think the answer might be to make a firm plan in the future so she doesn’t feel that she’s being phased out and then when she texts in the meantime just refer her to that date?

I’ve also been in your shoes and been reluctant to introduce a needy friend to my group of friends so maybe say you prefer it just you and her x

A MH issue (if she has one) isn’t an excuse for poor social skills. Agree with PPs suggesting reviewing your own “boundaries”.

Do you still enjoy her company?