Food safety

[clairey111]

Firstly, I am definitely a little over the top with my hygiene, I'm very open about it since a family member was in hospital and have ended up with it being a bit obsessive. I admit that.
My partner knows this, he has his own quirks which I don't question atall, if it's something he needs to do, I just accept it.
Things I absolutely freak out about:
'Outside' clothes being worn whilst sat/ lay on bed, or taking off outside clothes and having them on the bed

Bags/ shoes on the sofa

Bad food hygiene, like putting shopping away with chicken on top of veg for eg.

So firstly AIBU to expect partner to accept these things and to make an effort not to do them.
Are they completely unreasonable in the first place
And how can I cope with his moodiness when I kindly ask him to not do something, as it does freak me out.

I feel bad about pointing out these things but I can't keep feeling anxious when it happens

Should point out the bad choice of topic name - was going to write about something else and changed mind. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Sounds a bit much to me tbh. No outside clothes on the bed? So no day clothes at all? I wouldn't get into bed in my coat and shoes but jeans and a jumper, yes.

And if your food items are wrapped and packaged then touching in your shopping is not an issue. I would be upset about things like using the same chopping board for raw chicken and then salad, or onions and garlic and then fruit, but shopping bags no I can't get upset about it.

If it's really intrusive for you have you considered asking your GP if there's any help you can access?

But your partner shouldn't be moody with you. What kind of thing does he do when moody?

I think you are a little bit OCD, and I'm a hygiene freak over certain things and know it's not what other people do.
I do understand the contamination fears, but the outside clothes would have to be IN the bed for me to be uncomfortable.
My bugbear is making husband and kids wash their hands when they've been out somewhere before doing anything else. Especially when Norovirus is doing the rounds.
It's not too much of an ask for your partner, I think he should be more understanding about it if these things really do upset you.
Or you could try CBT to try and get over these fears if they are causing you a problem in your life.

I don’t like shoes on beds/sofas especially if they’ve recently been worn outside, but I don’t mind that my DH feels the need to keep his shoes on until he goes to bed, he seems to forget he has slippers!

As for food storage raw meats, unless vacuum sealed should be kept away from any other foods in the fridge - that I thought was common knowledge! I’d be annoyed if my DH did that.

As for ‘outside’ clothes, other than shoes as mentioned, what do you mean? Unless they’re extremely muddy clothes or wet etc. I’d say YABU there - that seems a bit extreme if they’re dry/clean clothes.

Have you discussed this with him properly or do you find it’s more of an in the moment reminding situation? Just wondering if he feels like you’re nitpicking as he does have a right to be comfortable in his own home as well - if this is fairly new it could be anxiety related as well OP as I got quite obsessive after my DC were released from NICU.

I think you and your partner should have a conversation about what it is causing this worry for you, what is reasonable in terms of cleanliness/hygiene (such as not storing raw chicken in contact with fresh veg) and what you might agree is slightly unreasonable (if there is anything) and why it’s getting to you now.

Also if you think it’s anxiety related on your part a trip to your GP might help?

It does sound a little OTT to me.
I'm not sure how you define outside clothes, but, as an eg, I went to work this morning in joggers and a t shirt, and when I came home, I lay on the bed in them....

I understand about food storage completely and uncooked meat being separate, but in the shopping bag?? Who cares!!

Have you spoken to your GP?

No shoes on the sofa is fair enough, otherwise I think you're OTT. No "outside" clothes allowed in bed - do you mean like trousers? What sort of harm do you think the outside is going to do to your bed? Does it smell really bad outside your house or something?

To be clear- outside clothes. Clothes which have been worn outside that day for example- how do you know you've not brushed the bottom of your trousers on dog wee/ poo. Or sat somewhere where someone else has been unclean. It just seems gross to have other people's/ animals germs in the bed.

The food thing is the shopping being put into the fridge- what if the chickens packet is leaky and I don't know and it's leaking on my veg which I'm eating raw? To be clear also I always tell him I'll put the shopping away.

It's just things which I see as common sense not wanting to be ill, as I said I know I'm over the top a little with it- but shouldn't partner just help me by accepting it makes me feel better to do these things ? Hmmm
I might see a gp yep.

But your partner shouldn't be moody with you

Oh no, course not, particularly when being hassled for daring to lie down clothed. Must be great for him.

I am curious what are his quirks.

Are the "what ifs" with you just about the hygiene like this or do you get "what if" in different situations too?
I think it's wise to see GP. I agree with some of your points like the shoes, but bags or outside clothes seems too ott in some way. Organise fridge the way it cannot be mixed?

Agree with keeping raw chicken away from veg and I understand your concerns there. But the clothes, this is where we get to the realms of going too far IMO, you’re well within your rights to ask him not to, but he’s well within his rights to not acquiesce on that one.

I would be frustrated in your partners position I have to admit. I think you may benefit from assistance learning to manage your germ phobia as I imagine it’s not easy for you to live with either.

I am very much like you with stuff. I have got worse and drive my family nuts. But I am what I am
I think people who haven't got ocd find it hard to understand. X

OP I am the same as you , I realised it wasn't how most people carry on but i did not think it was an ocd problem! I'm seeing myself in a different light now.
I also had very very bad food poisoning once and it stems from that time

I’m exactly the same as you - no outside clothes on or in the bed, no shoes / bags on the couch. Careful over storing over raw meat in shopping bags and fridge (only this though because I bought a packet of chicken which had split and leaked over the rest of the shopping in the bag on the way home).

However - I do have diagnosed ocd and realise this is probably a bit OTT so if the odd bag or pair of shoes does go on the couch I just don’t think about it (or clean where they have been) and I do now wear clothes I’ve worn inside the house in bed - pjs for example.

Appreciate people are asking what’s the worst that could happen but this is just about contamination fears ie bed is clean place, outside is contaminated - therefore fears outside clothes would contaminate clean place. Sounds irrational but with a bit of exposure and time the fears can be overcome

What about outside clothes on the sofa? I'm confused as to why the bed is an issue if the sofa isn't?
The food thing does make sense but I think if you have so many 'rules' that are a bit OTT then I can understand why your DP might just start switching off.

And what are his quirks? Just for comparisons purposes.

To be clear- outside clothes. Clothes which have been worn outside that day for example- how do you know you've not brushed the bottom of your trousers on dog wee/ poo. Or sat somewhere where someone else has been unclean. It just seems gross to have other people's/ animals germs in the bed.

What about clothes you have hung out on the line to dry?

It would really annoy me to be told off for doing things which are fine. Tbh you and I wouldn't have made it to the living together stage though.

Thank you to everyone who can relate and can understand, as I have made clear, I know it's MY issue and I'm asking for my partner to be a little more understanding of things I need to make my Life less anxious.
It's not exactly things which would cause him hassle or to make special effort, like putting his day clothes away from the bed, mostly they live in a heap on the floor but that's another rant!

His quirks include having to be the last person to touch certain things in the house before we leave/ go to bed, think of it along the lines of turning the light off and on again it's a definite obsessive compulsion but one which I accept and it's not a problem.... amongst others.

I like things to be clean and new and I don't like The thought of others
Peoples germs being in my home, friends and family I'm ok with. ( mostly)
That being said I could easily live in a forest with mud and animals... it's people
Germs I hate!

Oysterbabe I completely agree, I'm also allergic to oysters so I wouldn't have even 'swiped right' 😂

"how do you know you've not brushed the bottom of your trousers on dog wee/ poo. Or sat somewhere where someone else has been unclean."

I don't know that, but I don't think it matters. It wouldn't to most people, I don't think.

OK, following the contamination line of thinking - I understand that mindset, but I think it is an unhealthy one, particularly about things like "outside" vs "inside". It's impossible to live your life to that degree of separation, and it's not necessary. Touching raw chicken and then touching other items would be a type of contamination it is reasonable to worry about, or something like using the toilet without washing your hands and then handling foods people will eat. But having sat on a seat that someone "unclean" had possibly sat on before... no, that wouldn't worry me at all. I'm not going to get ill from being in contact with some microscopic amount of dirt which might have been shed by some random person.

Meat leaking in shopping is a possibility. More so than inside the fridge etc since shopping bags move around. I suppose it's not hugely paranoid to pack with this in mind - but to me it is such a rarity I would not worry about it. If my partner worried about it, I wouldn't mind him arranging the shopping how he liked of course, but I wouldn't like him telling me how to arrange the shopping if I did it. Food arranged in a household fridge - if you can make it very clear and easy to remember (colour coding on the edge of the shelf, perhaps?) then I don't think it would be a problem to stick to, and that would be courteous. But if you simply have lots of complicated rules about what can be next to what then this is probably too much to ask somebody else to remember.

By not being moody I just mean it's not very nice to "be moody" with somebody in general and wondered if this was code for "he stomps off in a huff and acts like a kicked puppy whenever I ask him to pay attention to my needs for a moment". If it's just that he's irritated or dismissive with being asked not to do perfectly reasonable things, that isn't really bad, but it is still better for a relationship if you can have sensible discussions with each other rather than feeling hurt or got at. You should be able to say "I would feel much better if you did this" and he should be able to say "Well I don't think it's necessary to do that/I find it hard to [remember to] do that because..." and you should be able to work from there to a mutually acceptable solution. If you're struggling to do this because of something like anxiety or OCD, then it might be that you're unable to compromise or discuss it or any suggestion of seeing it from his point of view is simply exacerbating the anxiety or intrusive thoughts about it - in which case it probably would be worth seeing the GP.

It sounds like you both have anxieties that need to be addressed.
Have you both considered therapy? If you both let thus ride , on the basis of being quirky, the more likely this will fester into an intolerable situation.

What could develop next? Don’t touch the taps if you’ve put the chicken in the fridge or don’t let your towel touch my towel.

You both need some professional guidance.