To think being a good listener is a learnt skill?

[InAPrettyCabinet]

I've a teenager. She's just in the teenage years and I feel like I need to teach her how to have a conversation. We have a pretty good relationship so far. She's open and happy to talk to me but sometimes I feel like it's just a fucking monologue about herself.
I know several people, including my sister in law, who don't listen to other people and just wait for their turn to speak. They spend any 'conversation' just thinking of how they can turn it back on themselves.
I'd like to think I'm a good listener and remember conversations I have with other people and check in to make sure they are ok or to see if I can help at any point. I'm not a do gooder I just like to help people. I don't remember ever being taught how to have a conversation with people.
Don't get me wrong, she's a lovely, thoughtful kid she's just a teenager.
I'm just hoping I can create someone who is interested in others and can invest in conversation with others without it needing to be about them.

@Upso thank you for that. It's so hard to know!

I think for most people - who are naturally selfish - it is a learned skill. A few people are naturally good listeners and it’s a huge gift. Most people - or most women anyway - figure out over time that endless me me me is tiring and alienating.

It can be painful to learn though so I think you would be doing your DD a favour if you explained this to her in a gentle and constructive way.

I learned this skill relatively late in life and I think my friendships and relationships would have benefited massively from being taught this proactively.

I learnt it as a teenager by suddenly realising how good it felt to be properly listened to, and thought I'll do that for other people.

Also it can be to your own benefit - you already know what you know/think, but you don't know about the other person yet.

Plus it can be a fun challenge - if you're chatting to someone who seems boring, keep on asking them questions about themselves until you find the interesting nugget - it's always there in my experience!

SummerPavilion this is brilliant advice. Almost everyone has interesting or surprising things about them. It’s not all to do with your job or hobbies or interests. Realising that was a game changer for me.

It's a skill for sure and I also think how you are raised is important. My family all talk each other and are just waiting to speak, not listening. It's hard to get away from when it's so ingrained.