Pretty sure my husband has planned nothing for my bday again. AIBU to organise something special for myself?

[Rafaroo]

Hi all

Tomorrow is a big birthday for me and I have the day off and so does my husband. He historically is awful at organising anything for me and it is always someone else who sorts out a cake. The whole time we have been together we have never done anything special on my birthday except the first year we were together. He is the total opposite of me as I love planning birthdays and always do something to celebrate for him.

I am currently pregnant with our second child and it has not been an easy pregnancy so I have been excited about having a treat. Our first daughter is in nursery tomorrow and I had sort of thought that my husband may have organised something nice for us to do but after having some conversations with him, it really doesn't seem like he has. I am worried it will just be a regular day with me doing chores and him chilling in front of the TV if I don't sort something for myself. I am going to get a cake to blow with our daughter as I know for sure he hasn't gotten one, but would it be awful if I just bite the bullet and book myself in for a spa day somewhere? I mean there is a small (very small) chance he may have finally gotten the memo and arranged something, but if I wait on him and find out he hasn't I know I'll be upset and the day will feel ruined. On the other hand, if I book something and it turns out he has arranged something, I will feel awful for making plans for myself.

What shall I do?!

Ask him outright,

"as I'm off tomorrow and it's my birthday I was going to do something to celebrate - just checking first you have not organised something for me?"

• blunt yes, but gets your answer (and gives him the not so subtle dig in the process)

You deserve to be treated to a little something nice for your bday

Have an actual.comversation with him about it!

Conversation

I am horrified that you are doing jobs around the house while he watches TV. Can't he see something wrong with this?

As per first pp, ask him, then book it and he can clean the house so it is sparkling when you get in.

Ok so did just have a quick chat with him and he said 'we are spending time together, isn't that what matters?' When I pressed him about exactly what spending time together entailed I could tell he had planned nothing. After some umming and ahhing he offered up lunch out and the cinema. I am not a big cinema fan to be honest and defo don't want to do that for my birthday. So I have agreed we are going to lunch and then I will head to the spa.

He seemed relieved. Thank goodness I asked!

I feel your frustration, but in my experience, if he's been "historically awful" up until now at planning things like birthdays then he's never going to get any better! It sounds like you have arrived at the best solution - take matters into your own hands and sort yourself out. Better that than wait and be disappointed. Have a lovely day tomorrow and enjoy the spa.

Pleased for you you had the conversation, have a lovely lunch and enjoy your spa treat sounds like a perfect afternoon!

Do not change your mind, go and enjoy your day. Perhaps if he sees you make plans every year, he will finally “get the memo”.

My birthday and Christmas presents are perfect now After years of smouldering resentment and shit gifts I started to buy my own
I get what I really want , he doesn’t have to shop

Have a lovely birthday, OP! My DH is pretty crap at birthdays too. Has form for ignoring the whole thing. I had a ‘big birthday’ a few years ago and organised my own party. DH was bemused but didn’t get any say in the matter for once . We’ve had occasions where I’ve traipsed round on some trip he wanted to do as my ‘treat’ so I’m past waiting on him now.

Lunch and spa sounds lovely. Happy birthday!

Thanks for all the birthday wishes everyone! Yes, in the end I'd just rather sort myself out. I know what makes me happy and at least I know I will have a smile at the end of the day and won't feel resentful. Having a pregnancy massage at a country spa tomorrow and a pedicure. 😁 Happy Birthday to Me! Ha!

Have a great week everybody!

Happy birthday @Rafaroo, enjoy your lunch and Spa visit!

I’d go fir the whole day. I hope he goes out to get you a cake.

🎈🍰🍹🎂🍫🍨🍽🎁🎉🎊🎇🎆🍕🍷🧀((((Hugs))) hope it was a fab day

Happy Birthday! I always organise my own cake/presents/activities as 'D'P never bothers. At least it means I always get exactly what I want. I hope your spa day is lovely

I've always organised my birthday, means I did what I wanted ... but it's worth checking, you never know he may have???

In what world is you doing housework while he watches TV 'spending time together'?

Is he going to sort dinner and do any housework that needs doing while you're at the spa?