to be cross at MIL for buying everything I don't want her to

[tasja]

The other day we went to visit friends. Friends DD had a pushchair for her doll and I wanted to see what my DD did with it. She loved pushing it around. So MIL heard about it and said "OH, I want to get her that!".
me
so DH told MIL that I was going to buy her one in SA for Christmas.
When DH phoned home this weekend MIL told him DD's room is already made up and standing there in the room - a pushchair with a doll (wich I also wanted to buy!

And before all this. We agreed, since I was the only child, my mum is going to buy the christening dress for DD. MIL was informed of this. So after a while MIL told DH she is going to ask someone to make DD's christeing dress wich is going to cost R800 - wich is alot in SA.

Why does she always have to go and do everything I tell her not to?

I think it's a territorial thing tbh. My SIL actually had a go at me for buying a good few things for our 1st (due in 6 weeks) as it meant that there wasn't enough for her to buy for the new baby. Apparently, I should have had a nappy or two and a vest and then crossed my fingers that we would receive the rest of what we needed as gifts.

In your instance, I'd recommend not telling MIL (and ensuring that DH doesn't tell her) about things that you intend to buy for your DD or things that your DD has had fun with.

Just keep everything close to your heart....don't mention...what you are about to do/buy...not even to your dh...and when it happens...say SURPRISE!!!!...your dh will love it...and it will infuriate your mil...have fun

I think this is fairly common, and agree that the best way round it probably is to be careful with the information you divulge to your MIL.

Yes, in the future I'm not telling her what I want to buy. She makes me so angry, when I think about it I get worked up again.

I wouldn't get stressed about the pushchair tbh - it just means that she's got one at home and one at your MIls. My MIL is very similar and sometimes you just have to grit your teeth over small things and concentrate on the big things, in other words the Christening dress. Will you feel obliged to use it if she does go ahead and get it made? Maybe you or your DH needs to be really clear that it won't get used as you will already have one, and just hope that she doesn't go ahead and waste her money.

Obviously I don't know your MIL, but if she's anything like mine, it's not meant as a personal attack . I think it's meant to be helpful, and showing she cares, it's just incredibly hard to get it through to them that this is not the way to do it. After knowing my MIl 20 years I tend to get through it with a lot of compromise, deflection (give her something else to spend money on, my MIl can often be steered towards more appropriate things - why not ask your MIL to arrange the Christening cake or similar, she'll feel wanted and still get to spend money ) and outright stubborness (MIL wanted to get 9YO DS1 a mobile for christmas, I said NO! Not a chance and she knew I meant it this time!)

HTH

Thank Serenity. Think I'll ask MIL to do a cake for the christening. I know it's not a personal attack, I just wish she would think sometimes. I mean it is so easy, If I ask her not to get it, DONT. Seems simple anough to me.

We have this probem with my dh's ex-in laws. a few christmases ago step son wanted a game boy - nagged for one so much that we said we would get him one for xmas, (they were quite expensive at the time and we didn't have alot of spare cash so we saved up for it) - we made a point of telling his mum and his grandparents so that we didn't all get the same thing.Anyway when dss arrived at our house on christmas day he was full of it because he had got the bestest present ever that he reallllly wanted from grandma and grandad - a game boy -we were soooo mad. In the end he has kept one at their house and one at ours. This still happens alot but we have just got used to it as it isn't worth the upset it can cause. Good luck with the christening gown, asking her to do the cake is a good idea - or perhaps she could buy an outfit to be worn later on in the day?

This would drive me mad too. Agree with the other poster though who said to let it lie about the pushchair - it will be nice to have one to play wih at granny's and one at home as its not necessarily to sort of thing you would take with you.

I would go back to her on the christening gown though and explicitly tell her that if she gets a gown made you dd will not be wearing it as she already has one from your mum so she will have wasted her money. Suggesting something else like a cake is a good compromise but if she goes ahead regardless and gets the gown hold firm and don't use it - maybe then she will think twice before ignoring you like this.

Is your dh suportive in this with you? If so its probably worth getting him to do the chat with his mum (like you should deal with similar situations with your parents) so she can see you both agree and its not just you being shirty with her!

Oh and don't tell her what you want to get in the future!!!

attention seeking

If MIL is old just put it down as a benign form of senility [which could either actually be the case or else will hopefully help you laugh it off].

Do divulge to your MIL things you'd be happy for DD to have but aren't planning to get her yourself.

This reminds me of my in-laws - when dd was little (first grandchild) they constantly bought her Christmas and birthday presents that were too big for us to bring back home (they don't live in the UK). Mind you, now that they have several grandchildren they often can't be bothered choosing a present at all and just bung some money in an envelope