Stubborn apologies

[Seashells47]

Hi, does anyone else have a dp that just acts like nothing has happened the day after a fight?
We rarely fight at all but when we do, if my dp is in the wrong he almost never apologises and simply acts like everything is fine and happy families the next day, or course I’d rather not continue the fight but with no closure on it at all how can I just pretend everything is okay? I find it so odd. My dp is so stubborn, even family have said so, I usually just think whatever and let things slide but this time he said some really stupid nasty things and I just can’t get over them, I was losing sleep last night crying over it and this morning he was just trying to have fun with me like it was all over and done with.
Should I just let it go and get on with life?

How nasty?

No, you need to have a conversation with him. Not about this specific argument but about his refusal to apologise in general and why it's important to you that you both are willing to apologise after an argument. Usually, both people will have something to apologise for, though not always. But in a grown up relationship, both partners need to be able to apologise when they have something to apologise for, and if one never does, that just builds long term, lingering resentment and bitterness.

Can you approach him in a non accusatory way the next morning when you're both calm and tell him that what he said really upset you.

I wouldn't want an apology from someone who isn't actually sorry for what they've said or done. What's the point? It's time to take a hard look at where this relationship is going.

'bridgetreilly' Sun 05-Jan-20 16:25:34
No, you need to have a conversation with him. Not about this specific argument but about his refusal to apologise in general and why it's important to you that you both are willing to apologise after an argument. Usually, both people will have something to apologise for, though not always. But in a grown up relationship, both partners need to be able to apologise when they have something to apologise for, and if one never does, that just builds long term, lingering resentment and bitterness.
......
Bridget has put it in a nutshell. This has to be firmly addressed, he obviously doesn't know his own strength. Also don't let him tell you you're over sensitive! Your feelings should be respected.

I expect you'll get there, good luck.

Do you honestly think that 2 words are going to fix the damage caused by his nasty words? Do you really think those 2 words are all that powerful that they will make you forget the nasty words hurled at you. Or are those 2 words so powerful they make it seem like nothing has happened?? You din't need an apology. You need a serious discussion telling him that the nasty words were uncalled for and he flat out needs to learn how to argue without personal attacks or you are gone

I think a conversation definitely needs to be had, I had family round today which was annoying as I had to play happy families and deal with things later, he’s the type to just walk out though if things get heated so we’ll see how it goes. I think because he says sorry so little that when he does say it he means it, so it means a lot to me, he’s even said himself that he hates saying sorry even when he knows he’s wrong.

Don't let him get away with that.
My ExH used to do that, and to be honest, it festered with me a lot. His refusal to apologise, or even to discuss it really, meant that nothing was ever resolved, and I was denied the opportunity to say, 'It's ok.'
You can't forgive someone who hasn't apologised.
It feels massively disrespectful, especially if they have hurt you. Insist on discussing it, and on getting that apology. Insist on it every time.
Of course, if you are in the wrong you have to apologise too.
Letting it go for the sake of peace, is the path to disaster

I call it Mary Poppins Syndrome; never apologise and never explain.

Fucking infuriating!

I would be more annoyed about him saying nasty horrible things to be honest. I don't care how nice he is usually, if my husband said horrible things to me during an argument he wouldn't be my husband anymore