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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being precious.......?

16 replies

Gutterton · 05/01/2020 16:15

My closest most valued best friend is from uni. We both have loads of kids and demanding full time careers - we live 4hr drive away and get to see each other twice a year - once with husbands and kids and once just the two of us. My old school friend really likes my uni friend - they have met many times and old school friend lived with us for a couple of months in our uni house (25 years ago). Old school friend does keep in touch directly with my uni mate by text etc but they don’t see each other. Old school friend is always trying to get me to see up a weekend away with my uni mate. I don’t fancy changing the dynamic and sacrificing my precious weekend with my friend. If I asked my uni mate - she would probably agree assuming that it is what I wanted. How do I palm old school friend off - this gets brought up every few months - she has form for being controlling. But I still feel a bit mean - although also a bit used.....

OP posts:

funmummy48 · 05/01/2020 16:17

One of my greatest pleasures in life has been introducing friends to other friends and finding that they get along. It's good to share.

Cloudyyy · 05/01/2020 16:24

Why not just do a third weekend!(with both friends) this year?

slashlover · 05/01/2020 16:26

Surely if she's so desperate then she can set something up herself?

Waveysnail · 05/01/2020 16:26

Why cant you add another weekend to go away for a girls weekend?

HomeMadeMadness · 05/01/2020 16:28

I would keep your weekend with just you and uni friend and either add a new weekend with the three of you or if you don't have time explain you can't fit it in.

messolini9 · 05/01/2020 16:31

How do I palm old school friend off - this gets brought up every few months - she has form for being controlling.

Don't palm her off - tell her how it is. No need to be unpleasant - just:
"No, I value this 1 on 1 time with Uni friend & am keeping this one w/e a year free, for her only. happy to do something else with just you, another time"

Original poster

Gutterton · 05/01/2020 16:41

My old school friend is a bit quirky - I can handle her but my uni friend is less tolerant. We did have a weekend away 10 years ago - but I just felt in middle and not v honest as the uni mate just bitched about things school friend said afterwards. I am uncomfortable that the school friend is pushing me to approach my uni mate and to arrange it.

OP posts:

PrtScn · 05/01/2020 16:51

Just ignore school friend. Arrange your holiday as normal. Personally I’d not mention it to her unless she asks and then if she kicks off I’d just tell her two’s company, three’s a crowd. But then I have no tact.

Bluetrews25 · 05/01/2020 16:52

Ah. So school firend 'gets on well' with uni friend, but uni friend does not like school friend.
Why should you both have your weekend spoiled?
Big fob off called for, unless you want to be more truthful? Why not ask uni friend what she wants you to say?

Original poster

Gutterton · 05/01/2020 17:02

Definitely don’t want to be more truthful with old school friend - as the quirky can also be “sensitive”. I think that school friend probably knows that uni friend is less than enamoured with her and wants me to rest the water / smooth things / facilitate a deeper friendship.

OP posts:

HomeMadeMadness · 05/01/2020 17:07

Since it sounds like uni mate doesn't even like school mate that much I'd give up the idea of the weekend and explain to your school mate that you want to keep the weekend just 1-1 as it's your tradition and you use it to catch up. You could always plan something special for just you and school mate too.

Yetanotherwinter · 05/01/2020 17:29

So you’re trying to control the dynamic but say you’re friend is the controlling one🧐

Original poster

Gutterton · 05/01/2020 17:45

I agree uni friend wouldn’t want to do it - and neither do I .... so I should not feel obligated to facilitate a weekend away to meet the needs of one person out of three (old school friend) - as PP has said if she is that desperate she can take it on herself.

I did have a weekend away with old school friend just the two of us a couple of years ago and it was v uncomfortable - she is getting more and more neurotic with age. So I have also been trying to bat off a repeat of that as well. I can cope with a day trip but an overnight is too intense.

OP posts:

messolini9 · 05/01/2020 19:14

So you’re trying to control the dynamic but say you’re friend is the controlling one

Not at all. The uni friend does not like the school friend.
OP has been in the middle of this previously & does not want to repeat.
How is any of that "controlling"?

InACheeseAndPickle · 05/01/2020 20:47

So you’re trying to control the dynamic but say you’re friend is the controlling one🧐

Hardly. OP wants to reminisce with her uni mate without school mate there. Uni mate doesn't even like school mate and doesn't want her there. Seems sensible to keep things as they are to be honest. Nothing controlling about it.

Laiste · 05/01/2020 21:08

I did have a weekend away with old school friend just the two of us a couple of years ago and it was v uncomfortable - she is getting more and more neurotic with age

hmm. with this added in it sounds as if your friendship with school friend is weakening. I can't really advise as i had an old friend who, as you say, became more and more neurotic with age and we drifted apart completely a couple of years ago.

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