Not doing Power of attorney

[Orangeblossom78]

My sibling asked me if I wanted to be a power of attorney for my elderly dad. He wants to do it. I said no. Dad had an affair growing up and there was some parentification. Has some mental health issues. Recently cut himself on glass and rang me from A and E..he was fine but seemed to want me to take over. I have MH issues with anxiety myself and it has spiralled. Not sure GP would even deem me for P of A anyway.

So don't. There's no legal compunction to do it. If your brother is happy to take on the responsibility, and you trust him then that's fine. Setting up a power of attorney does not require input from a GP though, unless there are concerns that someone has already lost capacity to make decisions for themselves or doesn't understand what they're getting into.

Don’t do it if you don’t want too. If you trust your brother really no reason for you to be involved, though from a logistical point of view it is better to have more than one attorney. You also have the option to go on separately so you can let your brother take the lead and step in if required by some circumstances.

It is in Scotland so maybe different, it says the person taking it on needs to be deemed fit and competent by a GP first.

My dad is in social housing anyway and getting a carers package but he sent them away so they don't come anymore. But what I am saying is SS would take over his care anyway I think. I live miles away as well. It is all making me feel guilty and I felt a bit pressurised.

It is not like he has a house or any assets to manage, just his sheltered housing and social services support.

You're mentally capable enough to be a PoA if you yourself don't need one. It might be a good favour to your brother to register and act as a 'spare'. You don't need to do anything once it's all in place.

It can be a burden to be a POA so unless you do feel up to it, don't do it.
I think you are perceptive and rightly wary of your Dad assuming this means that you will take charge.
POA doesn't have to be held by family. If there's someone else trusted they can be a 2nd POA or you could nominate a solicitor.

I was just thinking about a financial PoA actually, but of course being a health and wellbeing attorney could well be very demanding.

"My dad is in social housing anyway and getting a carers package but he sent them away"

Everything is going to fall on you. Don't do it, you deserve a peaceful life.

Your Dad needs care, but is rejecting it. You don't have to step in. He will be looked after anyway. The only difference is that you won't have a breakdown during the process.

I wouldn't do it in these circumstances
For information though ,in Scotland it is the person granting the POA that needs to be of sound mind,with evidence from the GP if there is any doubt

Ok. After this more recent episode in hospital I rang his warden to say about the broken glass to warn them as he has this cleaner in.

She said me and my sibling 'need to be his voice' but she does not know the whole picture. He sometimes gets himself into hospital as an attention thing. He did it this time over the holidays. He didn't really need to be there just for a cut. But he did anyway and seemed to not care about worrying me by calling me and making me anxious.

The hospital told me he is medically fine. Showering himself, walking well. Now my sibling says he should have talked to them and he might have stayed in as he was unsafe to go home. Feeling guilty about that also.

Maybe a lesson there not to get involved. As an aside I was surprised how much medical and confidential info these people shared with me, I thought it was confidential. As soon as I mentioned I was his daughter they were ringing me about his transport etc.

If sibling is happy to do it let them. It is tactful to invite you to do it too but not necessary (unless you worry sibling would not act in best interest of parent or sibling wants the responsibility shared).

I would tell sibling you don't feel able to do this but trust them to act in dads best interest so happy for them to go ahead without you.

Don’t do it if you don’t want to, OP.

Really (I’m talking about the health and welfare one here) it’s potentially useful for those family members who do wish to be involved in the care of another family member, although IME SS/LA will still attempt to ignore those with POA if they consider it convenient to do so. But if you don’t wish to be involved (and of course that’s your choice) then simply don’t become an Attorney. If the rules are the same as those in England then one is enough (although more than one would be preferable).

You will need to stand firm if you don't want to get sucked into this.
Yes, a vulnerable person needs a voice and if your sibling can do that, let them - but maybe try and support your sibling in some less stressful way.
Elderly parents can become very time and emotionally consuming at the best of times and if that comes with a side helping if other issues for you both, you really need to be careful.

I would do it because otherwise you have no say in what happens if you disagree. I have it for my parents and it's such a godsend.

The hospital would have spoken to you because you’re his immediate relative. I feel for your sibling too, hospital has sent my mum home too early several times (they can’t always help it, they’re full and have targets). But they said my husband was walking fine and made him shower when he wasn’t- he collapsed with sepsis hours later and was in intensive care for 10 days.

It sounds like the warden, who sees him regularly, isn’t quite so convinced that it’s all an act and he doesn’t need help either. Does your sibling live near?

Lots of people don’t have a POA in place at all. Most, probably. Hospital and other welfare staff have to speak to someone if they are trying to discharge or assess a person whom they have concerns about. So they talk to next of kin and that is basically whoever the person says it is.

Don’t do it by all means if you trust your brother. In this situation the worst that might happen would be that your brother could, for example, agree to move your DF into a care home against his wishes. In a situation that extreme you would probably agree anyway.

Yes I have told my brother I trust him to do it and can support him in it, but not doing it myself.

Yes the warned said to tell the hospital it was an unsafe discharge and to tell them to contact her but they didn't. She seems helpful. Think she arranged the past care and a cleaner he gets weekly.

I expect my brother can liase with her, she said she would help with any forms etc. Dad is a hoarder also which is a cause of the accident (hoarded material)

Warden sorry. He can be very stressful. I have had police at the door saying he is missing (has gone off on holiday and has not told the housing place) 2 police at 8am while trying to get ready for school.

He is aware of this and laughed, did not apologise (dad). He also lied to be about the broken hoarded glass told me it 'fell off the wall onto his foot'. I don't trust him. He seems very happy about the attention he got an hospital and how he could 'walk much better than all the others (elderly). Yes, that is because he has a superficial wound. makes me cross.

Police at your door and he just laughed it off?
He has no thought at all for the impact on you does he 😔