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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what's harder, pregnant with a toddler or newborn and toddler

89 replies

Justasconfusedwithnumber2 · 04/01/2020 18:37

I'm over 38 weeks pregnant and have a 2yo. Needless to say I am floored and feel like I have become a spectator of life as I sit on the couch praying I dont have to move - but inevitably end up sat crippled on the floor playing choo choos. I have a flurry of people telling me it will be easier with a newborn but can painfully remember the 7/8 wake ups a night breastfeeding and wonder how on earth that can be easier with a 2yo to entertain during the day too!

So what did you find harder? Pregnancy +1 or baby + toddler?

I would like to add I am very happy to be having a second. I know its self inflicted. But I am also 38 weeks gone and feeling sorry for myself too!!

OP posts:
Minai · 04/01/2020 20:25

I found newborn and toddler so much easier! By the end of the pregnancy I was pretty immobile and found the lack of energy really hard to deal with. I felt so much better once the baby was born. The tiredness was hard to deal with but it was better than when I was pregnant and I could actually go out and do things with my son again.

MerryDeath · 04/01/2020 20:26

this is somewhat reassuring I'm 39+5 ds is 2.5 and I'm taking it out on H

schafernaker · 04/01/2020 20:29

I’m feeling so much better about myself having read this thread. Struggling being pregnant with a toddler! We did visit a friends newborn recently and all she did was sleep. I’m hopeful we get a similar baby 😂

UptightFunk · 04/01/2020 20:31

I am so surprised that people think pregnancy is harder! I had an easy pregnancy though where as I have two that keep waking at night so I'm way more tired. With one I could nap when she napped, no chance with two.

And wait till all of you are ill at the same time..... we're currently in that circle of hell 😂

mullyluo · 04/01/2020 20:31

Was so much worst being pregnant with toddler, it was exhausting carrying my bumb around all day plus 28 month old ds who constantly wanted to be picked up plus was going through a spectacular tantrum phase where he would try and kick me in the stomach. I thought it would get so much worse when the baby came but things really settled. I just can't stand being pregnant though so part of it was just being so happy that I wasn't anymore.

RachelEllenR · 04/01/2020 20:36

Mine are less than 2 years apart and I found it much harder being pregnant than once my second was born!

Gingerninja01 · 04/01/2020 20:39

Another one who could have written this post myself! Absolutely exhausted, OH working constantly and nobody free to help out with 2.5yr old so I'm either waddling round soft play trying to keep up with her or sitting on the sofa feeling like the world's crappest mum because I have zero energy or enthusiasm to play or even get up from the sofa most of the time. I worry so much she thinks I don't want to play with her and am seriously worried how I will manage with two by myself 99% of the time.

Daphine2004 · 04/01/2020 20:41

I think it’s difficult with two regardless of their ages. Just got to do your best and not be too hard on yourself. Congratulations.

mullyluo · 04/01/2020 20:43

Whats even better than having the baby is when toddler started pre-school. Three guaranteed hours every morning when I only have the baby and can get all the cuddles with baby/tidying/washing done. Bliss!

mummytotwo567732 · 04/01/2020 20:46

Surprised by the answers here tbh I suppose it depends on your pregnancy. Currently have a toddler (2 and a half) and a 4 week old baby. Finding it very hard and over whelming at the minute. I was tired when pregnant but was still able to devote my time to my toddler. Now I'm exhausted from night feeds and trying to balance a demanding toddler and baby that doesn't want to be put down it feels impossible at the minute Sad

SockQueen · 04/01/2020 20:59

Being pregnant with a 2.5 year old was harder for me. BUT a) I have kept DS1 in nursery 3 days a week, so used those days just to chill with the baby and b) DS2 was a pretty relaxed feed-sleep-repeat newborn so despite sleep deprivation I just felt so much better not being pregnant any more!

Foghead · 04/01/2020 21:07

Newborn and toddler was really hard for me. Took me a while to get back to normal after the birth but after the baby was about 5 months, it started to get easier.

Ineedcoffee2345 · 04/01/2020 21:15

Pregnancy with toddler far harder. My dd is 2 and I have 7 week old dd. It was hard first 2 weeks while recovering but we quickly settled into a routine.

ChatWithMe · 04/01/2020 22:26

inevitably end up sat crippled on the floor playing choo choos

Justasconfusedwithnumber2 - CLASSIC! That line had me in stitches. Most I've laughed in weeks. Thanks Wink

Rosebel · 04/01/2020 22:39

It depends on the baby and th pregnancy. I had a very easy second pregnancy but my second born had colic. So I'm afraid I'd say pregnancy and toddler easier. However if you have a baby like my first born who was the easiest baby ever I'd say newborn and toddler easier.
Similarly I've had a horrible pregnancy this time round and am thankful my children are too old to want me to play or crawl round on the floor with them. So I've probably been no help at all but every baby and pregnancy is different.

1300cakes · 04/01/2020 22:43

I'm hoping it's pregnancy. I'm 35 weeks and toddler will be 21 months at the time of the birth.

I know it's not the same, but I remember back to when my first was born, it was so easy compared to being pregnant. I just felt like myself again and physically fine so I could cope with anything. When I was pregnant I felt so sick, tired and weak, the smallest thing would have me in despair.

Also the sleep deprivation.... Can't be worse than during pregnancy. I cant sleep at all I'm so uncomfortable.

saggybaps · 04/01/2020 22:49

Def, pregnant & toddler. Hang in there, it gets better the moment you give birth!

Onceuponalifetime · 04/01/2020 22:51

I am stunned that the majority feel being pregnant was harder.

There was no comparison for me. New born baby brought sleep deprivation from night waking on top of my own hormonal insomnia.

Also juggling feeds, settling, changing baby etc around toddler also incredibly difficult and more physically tiring than just being pregnant and dealing with a toddler’s daily needs.

Also the increase in tantrums and behaviour problems coming from the toddler who is experiencing a live change and the accompanying sibling rivalry.

Also don’t underestimate the increase in laundry.

Sometimes I feel my experiences must be so very different than the norm and it’s actually surprising.

YouJustDoYou · 04/01/2020 22:54

Depends on the child/children. I remember almost nothing for the first 5 years of my kids lives because my first born was just such a horrifically High needs baby that he made everything just awfully awfully hard. He's just an awesome, dear, kind and empathic little human now but by god those first years with him and New born/toddlers were just horrific.

Daisy169 · 04/01/2020 23:02

I have a nearly 2 year old and a 3 month old. Pregnancy was definitely harder and I stayed fairly active. Think it was fear of the impending doom that added to my physical frustrations. My baby is not an easy one - he has rarely napped anywhere but on me (or in the sling) but I have a mostly wonderful toddler and life is good.

I've roped in much more help this time, I even asked my MiL to have the toddler one morning!

MayFayner · 04/01/2020 23:10

@Onceuponalifetime - definitely not just you!

Newborn and toddler by miles for me, DS2 was incredibly Velcro and screamy, and DS1 wasn’t yet 18 months and not walking. It was just relentless.

Brocollistalk · 05/01/2020 02:28

Really suprised by the amount of people saying pregnancy and toddler!

I have a 22 month age gap between mine and it’s been absolutely horrendous and wish I’d left a bigger gap Blush

Yeahnah2020 · 05/01/2020 03:55

Baby and toddler. Being pregnant was easy!

Mamabear12 · 05/01/2020 05:36

Definitely newborn and toddler!! But I guess it depends on the pregnancy and the baby. My eldest are 20 months apart and my pregnancy with the second was relatively easy. The only thing I found hard was having to make the 25 mins walk home after a long day at work, picking up my the. 18/19 month old 8/9 months pregnant and her regularly screaming in the stroller so me having to carry her and push the stroller while heavily pregnant. When baby came out I had to have help always and wasn’t alone w the two until he was about 9 months.

My third pregnancy was a bit more difficult at the end. Loads of pressure on bladder so going to loo all the time day and night. And just uncomfortable so if I had a toddler I might think that more difficult. Some people have easy newborns. My current newborn is quit easy, as she sleeps loads. But also needs to be held a lot.

OwlBeThere · 05/01/2020 05:53

I found the baby far easier than the toddler. Yes I was tired from night feeds but at least j could eat without heartburn, I didn’t need to pee 30 times a night, I had HG right up until the placenta left the building and instantly felt better. My SPD although not cured was 70% better immediately after birth.
I hated pregnancy and if nothing else at least my baby was gorgeous and that kept me going!

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