To wish newborns did read the flipping books

[TowelStripes]

I was so hoping for an easy going second child. Small age gap, energetic and tantrum throwing toddler. Everyone said the 2nd one is easier and just 'slots in'.

So not the case! I bought a book about a routine with a baby and toddler. Including when to pump and feed, how to get them napping at the same time in the afternoon so I could get some down time. How to sort out the day and night. How to get a long stretch of sleep between midnight and 6am.

When I moan to my husband that the baby is following zero routine - feeding in 5 min slots sometimes every hour, sometimes every 2. Needing a nap an hour after a long stint first thing... He just says what you lot will all say: fourth trimester, babies don't read the books. While I know this to be true, and need to just learn to go with the flow and stop wasting energy getting stressed by it, I just can't stop trying to follow the advice in these books! Then I get anxious it's not working when the experts assure me it should.

Does anyone manage to follow newborn routines and if not, what the fig are these 'experts' banging on about?

How do people cope with no sleep with 2 under 18 months?

Why don't babies read the frigging books!

Try as I might, I cannot increase the feeding sessions. Stripping him off, skin to skin, changing nappy, tickling him, changing positions. None of it works. He just either keeps his mouth shut and stares at me, or holds my nipple in his mouth gormlessly 🤣

Then he wants more in an hour!

Help me, tired second time mum.

Ds1 was a quick feeder. He perfected the 4-minute feed quite early on, never wanted a second side either so I spent some considerable time with lopsided boobs for the first few months. I had lots of oversupply issues and more than once expressed into the sink at 4am just to relieve the pressure.

Anyhow he was a big baby too, 91st centile and chunky so even though the feeds were really short, he was evidently taking in more than enough to sustain him.

Newborns are a bit rubbish really. I found no.2 as a newborn hard work but did manage to get her into a solid routine by 10-12 weeks.

One of the things I found though was the baby was so overstimulated by the eldest one, she needed dark and quiet in a way the first one didn’t. Once I got her into a darkened room and into bed by 7 she was much happier even if that meant me sitting in the dark for a while. I hadn’t realised that a lot of her crying was actually just overstimulation.

I had two 15 months apart. In some ways, with the eldest being so young, it was easier as there was no jealousy to deal with.

As a poster said above, the first year was survival for me. My second child eventually just slotted into.the same routine as the first as he go older. I didn't do a routine for him when he was a tiny baby, just responded to him as best as possible.

I remember so much about my daughter's first year. My son's just went by in a complete blur. Not so good now as his homework is to write down all of his important milestones. Last year, I practically wrote an essay with my daughter on this. It will be a very different one for him sadly.

When I really needed it, at my eldest's nap time, I'd go for a nice long drive, lock the doors and have a sleep myself!

Oh I remember that feeling! Its exhausting. Had to just give up on routine for baby a d he had to fit in with toddler. We coslept with him otherwise no one would have slept. I fed completely on demand a d ended up combi feeding too.
It gets easier xx

It's amazing how much better you feel knowing you're not alone.

@bondbaby, hijack away. It is really helpful reading others posts and replies.

@pascha, this is where I'm at. 9 8th percentile chunk, two hourly 6 minute feeds! I'm not lopsided but it is giving me oversupply issues.

Had some success today with a dummy so he had a two hourly nap at the same time as the toddler. I got an hours kip, read my kindle, had a shower and put dinner in the slow cooker.

I think this is why I'm so keen for at least some semblence of a routine as I can make everyone's lives easier!

Tilly, obviously I am getting on with it. You can't not. Even if I'm worried about routine, by definition things are being got on with aren't they? I'll blink and I'll have a 2 and 3 year old and I'll have blocked out this first year probably. I can still question whether I'm missing something and get on at the same time

@TowelStripes how old is baby? I seem to recall the milk settling down at around 12 weeks. Also bigger mouths mean more forceful feeding and more milk taken in each time. That's when the supply calmed down for us as my body and his hunger fell into sync with each other.

My big chunky baby is now a skinny 9yr old who reaches my shoulder and has the appetite of a horse. Those early days seem a scarily long time ago now.

Baby is 5 weeks! Not old at all.

Some advice; take today. He had two short morning naps, one long nap that ended up being nearly three hours (waking after two hours for a quick 6 min feed and then going back for an hour and waking at 3pm) then being awake for 30 min, then having another sleep! 45mins and still going.

Should I be trying my best to keep him awake now, or just letting him get on with sleeping? What's better for him (and me?)

It depends.
Try it keeping him awake and see what happens.

With DC1, I couldn't keep him awake even if I tried.
DC3, it helped if I kept him awake for a while.

DC2 was easy and blissful for absolutely no reason whatsoever.
If he had been my first baby I'd have been lulled into a terrible false sense of security.

I had the easy and blissful child first! Well, she was for the first year. Just long enough for me to think this parenting lark was easy, hey knocked up and then my lovely baby became a toddler and started being a nightmare! Roll on 2022 when I should start coming out the crazy

Throw the books away, OP.
Babywear, whack on some cbeebies, do what you need to do to help you look after them both whilst you are in zombie mode.
The books are all horse shit.